But the more I think about it, the more grateful I am for Poppy confronting me. She did it because she cares about Belle. Enough to make me upset and jeopardize her well-paying job. No other nanny would have done it. Most of them are more concerned about buttering me up than taking care of my daughter.
I can admit that Poppy is right.
I need to do better. I’m used to work being my life. I thought, by hiring a nanny Belle liked, I satisfied my duty to her and she would be fine while I put in long days filming. But as great as Poppy is, she’s no substitute for a father.
Belle is my first responsibility, for as long, or as little, as I have her. I can’t let fear of getting too attached and having her ripped away keep me from doing what’s right. Nothing else matters as much.
I can’t drop the movie, but Icantry everything to make the schedule better. Working was my life. But now, I am a dad, and I have other responsibilities beyond my career.
“So where are you headed?” Francesca asks. “Want to come out with me? Have some fun.”
“I can’t. I have plans.”
“Maybe I can join.”
I look over at Sebastian. He doesn’t seem annoyed that his sometime hookup is hitting on me.
“No. I—we’re going to a Christmas tree farm.”
“A Christmas tree farm?” Francesca asks blankly.
“Like where you cut down your own tree?” Sebastian makes a swinging motion with his hands.
“Something like that.”
“Dude. And who will you be with when you’re cutting down this tree?”
“With Belle.” I give Sebastian my mean stare. The one that makes my movie enemies quake.
No surprise, Sebastian doesn’t even blink. I need to get less obnoxious costars. “And the hot nanny? Will she be there?”
“Pushing it,” Chase warns him again.
I can’t hear his answer because I’m already out the door, eating up the pavement with my long strides. It’s still light out, a bright blue sky and crisp wintery day. It feels as fresh as a new a beginning. As if anything’s possible.
* * *
Poppy
I’min the car on the way to the Christmas tree farm with Ronan and Belle.
Though I’m just an employee doing a job, it feels like we’re a proper family. With Ronan here, I could have this time off. But I wanted to come. And I suspect that maybe Ronan wants me here as well because he didn’t tell Belle no when she suggested I join them.
When Ronan came home early from set, he changed into jeans and a dark gray shirt, a long navy-blue coat, and a dark gray beanie. I thought maybe he would dress lumberjack-hot for the Christmas tree farm. Instead he looks like a sexy assassin in a winter-themed Bond movie. His icy eyes and half-day scruff complete the look.
I was worried there would be awkwardness after our fight or that he just wouldn’t show. But he was home promptly at 2:00 p.m., when he’d messaged me he would be.
As I predicted, Belle brightened at the prospect of picking out a Christmas tree with her father.
Every year, the farm sets up rides, with Newfoundlands pulling a jaunty red sled. They have a barn with handmade gifts, the most delicious pies and treats, artisan-made ornaments, and hot chocolate.
I know Belle’s sadness didn’t just disappear, but kids are resilient, and I hope we can use today to help Ronan build back trust with his daughter.
“Are we there yet?” Belle asks, her head pressing to the glass of the car window.
“Almost. Turn here,” I instruct Ronan. We pull up to a long driveway that ends with a big red barn. Cut trees are off to one side. Children dart between the booths, and a little stall sells cocoa and cider.
I smile. I’ve been coming to this farm ever since I can remember, and it’s always magical.
