She’s right. After a few moments, my body adjusts. It feels wonderful.
We wade deeper until the water reaches my waist. Julienne hands me the soap, and I begin scrubbing my arms, my face, my neck. The soap smells of lavender.
“I’m sorry,” Julienne says suddenly.
I look up from washing. “For what?”
“That Sebastian doesn’t trust you. That he feels he has to send you away. That he has been hard on you after you helped him so selflessly.” Her eyes are kind but sad. “I think that I am a good judge of character. My gut has never let me down. I think he is wrong in his fear. I tried to talk to him about it last night. Suggested that you two could work together…travel together for a time. But he’s determined that you go your separate ways.”
My throat tightens. I duck my head, focusing on scrubbing my arms.
I sigh.
“I understand why he doesn’t trust me,” I manage. “I’m a stranger. He has no reason to believe I’mnotworking for the queen. He has every reason to be suspicious. It will serve him well in the long run.” It still stings.
“But you’re not working for the queen at all,” Julienne says.
“Of course not.” I shake my head. “I just…” My voice hitches a little. “I did what I thought was right. I saw that he needed help, and I helped him. And now I’m going to pay for it for the rest of my life.”
The tears start to well before I can stop them. I blink them away. I can’t afford to cry. Tears won’t help me.
“I’m sorry.” I blink some more. “I don’t mean to be dramatic.”
“Don’t apologize,” Julienne says. She wades closer, placing a hand on my shoulder. “You have every right to be upset. You risked everything for him. And he’s repaying you by sending you away alone.”
“I’m sure by now that I have a bounty on my head,” I whisper. “The shadowfae saw me. They know who I am. I will have to stay far away from the courts. It will be tough to make a living. I’ll be hunted.” My breathing becomes unsteady. “Part of me wishes I’d never helped him. That I’d just stayed in my tent and minded my own business.” But even as I say it, I know it’s not true. My shoulders slump. “I had to do it. Not just for me but for the good of the people. For all of us. She’s on her way here, and she planned on killing him. Sebastian has to live for the good of the realm. It’s as simple as that.” But even as I say it, I know that I didn’t just help him for the realm. I helped him because of that sliver of a connection we had. Because I felt that broken part of him that he doesn’t let anyone see.
“You did the right thing, even if it cost you,” Julienne says. “That’s all that matters. A resourceful young lady like you will land on her feet. I know you will.”
I nod, unable to speak past the lump in my throat.
We continue washing in silence for a few moments. I dunk my head under the water, letting the cold shock chase away any thoughts of tears. When I surface, Julienne is watching me with a thoughtful expression.
“Do you know anything about the Shadowfae Royals?” she asks. “About their history? About Sebastian’s past?”
I wring out my hair, considering the question. “Some things. My mother was half shadowfae. She told me stories.” I pause. “I know Sebastian lost his parents at an early age. That they were murdered in cold blood.”
Julienne nods. “It greatly affected him. And rightly so. The way they died… No wonder Sebastian struggles with trusting others. Don’t take this personally because it isn’t. It isn’t you…” she trails off, her expression darkening.
“What happened?” I ask.
“He was only ten summers at the time. It was his nursemaid who did it. She stabbed them as they slept. This information was never divulged. Almost everyone at the court thought it was an outsider and that his nursemaid was also killed during the attack.”
“How terrible!”
“Sebastian loved his nursemaid almost as much as his own mother. It was a great shock. She was kind and sweet.”
“Why did she do it?” I ask, my voice laced with shock.
“No one will ever know. The guards cut her down. In one sweep, Sebastian lost everyone who was closest to him. Someone he loved was responsible. He had to grow up almost overnight. His uncle took over his care, but Lysander is not the nicest man.” She shakes her head. “Sebastian became king at only sixteen summers, less than six summers after his parents both died. He had the weight of a kingdom on his shoulders at such a young age. Now he has the weight of a realm.”
“I can’t imagine how he must feel.” It does explain a few things.
“That is why it is important—”
Before she can say anything more, Sebastian appears through the willows, moving fast. His face is tight.
“Two of the bells are ringing,” he tells us. “Someone is coming.”
