Isla
I fold the last of my clothes, putting them into a small bag.
I reach into my tunic and touch the small pouch resting between my breasts. It’s lighter than when Sebastian first gave it to me. Most of the coin went to supplies in town. Kyrie and Damon took me on the wagon two days ago, and I bought everything I’ll need for the journey. Practical clothing, a good cloak, and boots. Plus this leather bag.
I cinch it closed and let out a slow breath.
Outside, there is the thump of enormous wings and the rush of air that follows. Delphine has landed. Orion’s dragon fills the space in front of the cabin. Everyone is gathering out there. This is really happening.
It’s time to go.
The door opens behind me.
I know it’s him before I turn around. I can sense his presence.
“Can I help you with anything?” Sebastian asks.
His voice is careful. He hasn’t tried to corner me again since after the meeting the morning after we arrived, but I can tellby the way he looks at me that he hasn’t given up. There’s something in his eyes every time they find mine. Hope, maybe. Or desperation. I can’t tell the difference anymore.
It’s the last thing I need. Leaving is hard enough without him making it more difficult for both of us.
“I’m all done,” I say, gesturing to my bag. “And ready to go,” I add in the hopes that he will drop it.
He steps further into the room and stops a few paces away.
“Isla.” His voice is deep and rough, causing shivers to race up my spine. “I can’t let you go without apologizing…I just can’t. I’m so sorry. I’ve been an ass. A complete and utter prick.”
He reaches for my hands before I can pull back. His fingers close around mine, warm and familiar, and for a moment I forget how to breathe.
“I made a mistake,” he continues. “I wish to the goddess that I could take it back. Every word.” His thumbs trace slow circles over my palms. “I’d do anything to have your forgiveness. You name it, and I’ll do it.”
For a moment, just a moment, I want to collapse into him. I want to let him wrap his arms around me and tell me it’s going to be okay. I want to forget the way he looked at me when he accused me of betrayal, and I want to believe that this time will be different.
But I can’t.
“I accept your apology, Sebastian,” I tell him. “I know you’re sorry for what you said. I do.” I squeeze his fingers, just once, before gently pulling my hands free. “I forgive you. You came to rescue me, even though it was a foolish thing to do. I know the man you are underneath all that armor you wear.”
His eyes brighten. His whole face changes, and the hope in his expression is so raw that it splits something open in my chest.
I have to say the rest. I have to make him understand.
“But you hurt me. You hurt me so badly that I still bleed.” I touch my chest. My voice wavers, and I take a breath to steady it. “The things you accused me of…the way you looked at me like I was your enemy after everything we shared…” I shake my head. “That’s not something a person gets over easily. Idoforgive you. I understand why you did it. I even understandyou, and the way you’re wired, the way you’ve been taught to protect yourself.” I meet his gaze. “But I’m afraid for me.” I touch my chest again. “I’m afraid that if I let you back in, you’ll do it again. That the next time something threatens you, you’ll push me away the same way. If I’m hurting now, how will I hurt when we have been together for weeks, months, or even years? I forgive you, but I can’t trust you with my heart.”
“I won’t hurt you ever again.” The words come fast. “Isla, I swear to you, I won’t. Give me a chance. I’ll prove it to you.” His voice breaks on the last word. “Please. Stay. Just for a short while. Let me show you.”
The desperation in his voice nearly undoes me.
“I can’t,” I whisper. “My mind is made up.” Each word feels like swallowing glass. “I have to do this.”
Sebastian nods slowly. The hope drains from his face, replaced by something heavier. Something that looks a lot like grief.
He steps forward and pulls me into his arms.
I let him. I let myself be held by him one last time, my cheek pressed to his chest, his heartbeat strong beneath my ear. He smells so good that I want to take him in…memorize how this feels.
Then he kisses me. Just a gentle brush of the lips against mine. When he pulls back, his eyes are glinting, and his throat works.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this again,” he says. A sad smile tugs at his mouth. “Saying goodbye. We’ve had too many of those since we met.”
