I want to tell him, but the words stick in my throat.
If I tell him that my mother commands the shadowfae army, the very army that rode to Snow’s aid on that battlefield, he will look at me differently. His eyes will narrow in distrust. He’ll hate me.
I can’t stand the thought of it. Not right now.
Iwilltell him. I have to and soon, but not right now. He needs his rest. He’s only just come back to me.
Not to me.
He isn’t mine.
We’re still destined to walk on separate paths, but I only just got him back. I don’t want to lose him again quite so soon.
I look up through the small opening above the fire, seeing stars. I’ll tell him in the morning. In the light of day.
“There was something else,” I tell him instead. “As we were leaving, we came across an enormous black dragon. It had streaks of gold on its ridges and horns. The beast was bigger than any of the shifterfae dragons. It didn’t look like one of them.”
Sebastian’s brow lifts.
“There was a rider on its back,” I continue. “I thought it odd.”
“A rider?” Sebastian’s expression sharpens. “The shifterfae rarely allow themselves to be ridden. Their dragons shift from fae to beast and back.”
“I know what I saw. The strange dragon hovered above the battle for a few moments and then flew in the opposite direction. It was gone before anyone could react.”
“I have no idea, save that dragons do exist. Actual dragons, not fae shifters. The beastfae ride them. They have the ability to connect mentally with animals…to bond with them. My hope is that it was the Beastfae King, but I’m sure that’s just wishful thinking.”
I shrug. “I wish I could give you more.”
Once again, it is on the tip of my tongue to tell him about my mother, but once again, I find that I can’t. Not just yet.
“We were brought back here, and since then, it has been touch and go as to whether you would survive.” I somehow manage to keep my voice steady.
“Have you seen the Drakar?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t seen anyone who looks like a king. The only person I’ve dealt with who seems to have any kind of authority is a female called Terra. She’s the hy-were who took us captive. She allowed me to stay with you once we got here.” I look down at my hands. “They didn’t think you would survive. They told me it could go either way. That you might never wake up.”
My throat closes. The tears I’ve been holding back for gods know how long push their way forward despite everything I do to stop them. My eyes burn. My chin trembles.
“I thought you were dying.” My voice breaks on the last word. “I was sure of it. You were so cold, Sebastian. So still. I tried to push my magic into you, but I couldn’t at first. The healer did what she could with her remedies, but she said it was up to me. She said I was the one with the magic, but I didn’t know what I was doing.” The words come out in a rush. “I just kept trying and trying, and nothing was working, and I thought—” I pull in a shaking breath, pressing my lips together. “I thought I’d lost you.”
His hand finds mine. His fingers thread through mine and hold tight.
“You brought me back,” he tells me, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear and then cupping my face. “You saved me…yet again.”
“Don’t make a habit of nearly dying,” I whisper, my voice thick.
His mouth curves. It’s the ghost of a smile, but it’s there. “I don’t plan to. Thank you,” he says, his voice rough. “I’m sorry I ever doubted you.”
I feel such guilt that, once again, I am tempted to tell him about my mother…about everything.
He pulls me toward him and kisses me.
It’s soft at first. Gentle in a way that almost breaks me. He cups the back of my head with one hand, his fingers sliding into my hair, and the kiss deepens.
I lean into it. Into him. My hand finds his chest, and I feel his heart beating beneath my palm.
I groan.
