There was a murmur of agreement.
The boy, Rui learned, was named Idachi Honnen. Only two years older than her, he lived with his family outside the castle walls, and after years had saved enough money to buy his way into the guards. He’d just finished training.
“She’s a criminal,” Hakaru huffed. “We gave hereverythingand still the kusa killed one of your—”
“I understand, Hakaru. A guard has been murdered.” Iyo turned to Rui. “Do you deny it?”
“No.” Rui was crying again “I’m sorry…”
But what good does that do?
“You admit to killing this guard.”
“I…”
“You will accept any punishment I choose?”
“I…”
Was this her heart, breaking?
“Speak.”
“I don’t want to fight anymore.” She had begun to shake. Her entire body, her entire world. “I’m too tired… I don’t want to fight…”
“Then maybe you are ready,” Iyo said. “To change.”
Rui glanced up.
The lady of Kitano had not altered her expression. She seemed a mountain, untameable, solid. Her face remained still, and calm, and saw everything. Rui felt as if Iyo could see right through her, into her spirit, into her souls.
“It’s so very dangerous,” Iyo said, “to allow yourself to feel. But I, for one, think it’s better than the opposite. I know my son’s temper. I know you didn’t intend to kill this guard – yet kill him you did. What is the value of his life compared to yours? Some would say it’s more: I say, you were trying to find your way. And the thing is, we all want to find a way, Rui Misosazai. That’s why we do it together.”
She leaned in. “You cannot undo what you’ve done. No matter your intentions. Months ago, when the monks of the Middle Path were here, you assaulted them.”
“That wasn’t my fault!” Rui burst, but the guards held her back.
“Regardless, they came to me,” Iyo said, stern and cold as mountain water. “You have no idea what trouble you’ve caused. You attacked emissaries of the sovereign, and the retired-emperor of the Autumn Throne, on my lands. Now, you’ve killed an innocent. I understand that you meant none of it, but you cannot deny your actions. You cannot deny what you have done.”
She paused. “But, as the crow monk has reminded me, we also cannot change withoutintent. So perhaps this is the first step. Real action must follow, Rui no’in. You will do better.”
Rui blinked, unsure.
“I’m remanding you to Jobo’s care. For good, this time. We wish for you to live. You will go with him. You will do whatever he says – become an acolyte, perhaps. But you will live. Now go. He is waiting for you.”
Jobo untied her binds himself. Wrists aching, she rolled her hands as the blood rushed back and he led her down the path. Sen, as his student, trailed behind, unusually quiet.
“The boy you killed,” Jobo said at length, “he had a family. The gods remember what’s been done. And so will they. You’ll make amends to them. Your forgiveness is in their hands.”
He spoke of a small house above the brewery, where the boy’s family lived. “You will go there tomorrow, after I have spoken to them and offered prayers. They will be taken care of, but that does not get you off the hook. I will talk to them, then you will. And you will be at their mercy the rest of your life, however long that may be.”
“I’ll work for them,” she said. “I’ll do anything they want, I’ll be their servant, I’ll…”
“You will do no such thing. There are limits to your freedom now. You’re alive because I agreed to take you into the temple, but after tomorrow, you are never to enter the castle grounds – or the city – ever again.”
As he marched her from the castle gates, someone threw something at her – rotten food.
“Ignore them,” Jobo said.
