Sen kicked out with one leg, tripping her, and a forceful shove sent her flying into the water. When she rose, he grabbed her in a bear hug again, locked his ankles around hers so she couldn’t move, no matter how she fought, no matter how she tried to wriggle away. She jerked repeatedly, but he held fast, wrestling her arms to her sides, under his own. Freezing, sandy pond-water soaked their clothes.
“Rui, listen to me,” he said. “Let me help you.”
Before long, Rui was just thrashing on the ground, as she tried to push him away, pent-up fear coming out all at once.
“Don’t,” Sen said, holding her. “Rui, listen to me. Listen, I know. I know you hate them. I know you hate them—”
“Damn it.” Rui lashed at him like a mountain lion against a wall.
“Rui, stop!”
But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She punched and kicked until her hand was bleeding, scraping against him, the sand, the dock.She’s going to keep doing this until it kills her.“Rui, you have to stop!”
He wrestled her arms to her sides, under his own.
“I can’t let you hurt yourself,” he said. “Let me help you.”
“I don’t want your help!” Rui screamed. “Get away from me!”
“I’m not gonna do that,” Sen said. Rui couldn’t move. She hissed a breath, twisting and bucking her legs, but she was trapped. She was starting to pant. “Rui. Calm down! I’msorry. I’m here. Just stay here, stay here, Rui. You’re safe.”
“Stop it!” she shouted. “You don’t understand – you have to stop!”
“I can’t do that,” Sen said. He could feel the breath in Rui’s chest, her soaked clothes, icy wet.
“Don’t touch me,” she said, but weakly this time.
Sen held her firm. Looking in her eyes. “Why?”
“You don’t know what it’s like,” she said.
But Sen just held her tight. He could feel his breath on the back of her ear, smell her sweat, her skin, and he was determined to hold her like that for as long as it took, and by the time Rui calmed down, it felt like, actually, he did.
“Why did you help me?” she asked him, quietly.
Sen said, softly, “Gods. Don’t you know?”
They stayed there, Sen wrapped around Rui like a bear, arms crossed over Rui’s own, pressing her into a ball, a curled child, like an unborn thing who hadn’t seen the world. He held her and could feel her fear through her body, his breath on her neck, her head pressing against his, his chin hooked over her shoulder, her cheek to his own. Then somehow Rui hadstopped moving, stopped fighting. And Sen felt something else instead, something closer to the heart.
“I can’t,” she gasped. “Ican’t…”
“You’re all right, Rui,” Sen whispered. “You’re all right. It’s not your fault.”
Rui struggled again, but her heart wasn’t in it. “Yes, it is,” she said, quietly.
“Remember. This isn’t what happened then. This is now.” Sen clasped his hands over hers, almost like an embrace. “This is now.”
“I can’t…”
“This is now,” he said again. “This is now.” Both hands, gently, on hers. They breathed together. Face to face, skin to skin. The air had calmed. Rui didn’t pull away. Her body didn’t fight. Not anymore. Instead, there was something calmer. Something changed.
“This is now,” Sen said.This. This.“You’re all right. You’ll be all right.”
Finally, Rui relented. She gave a tiny nod, and he released her. They moved to a seated position, facing each other on the sand. She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eyes.
“You fight like no one I’ve ever seen,” she said.
“I’ve had a lot of training. You’re stronger than me. With a teacher, you’d beat me every time.”
