She sniffed disapprovingly. “It is all very well to leave young people standing out in the draughty halls, but as your elder, I assure you, I will blame you if I catch my death, Elizabeth,” she said. Elizabeth closed the door and showed her to the sitting area, giving her the chair nearest the fire.
“Forgive me for keeping you waiting, Aunt Catherine,” she said, flashing Georgiana a conspiratorial smile. “Shall I call for some tea?”
“Yes, please do. But I will not have the maids stay in the room while I say what I have to say.”
At this, Elizabeth was more mystified than ever, but Lady Catherine would not be drawn out on whatever it was she had to present. Her secretive air cast a pall over the conversation, and Elizabeth attempted several topics without success. Each fell flat on Lady Catherine’s disinterest and Georgiana’s cowed half-answers until Elizabeth at last admitted defeat. They sat in awkward silence until the tea was delivered and they had all been served. Lady Catherine dismissed Stephans with a sniff of derision. “Get out, girl. You are not needed here.”
Stephans looked about as alarmed as Elizabeth felt. She fled without commentary and almost without remembering to bow.
At that, Elizabeth’s patience was at an end. Whatever Lady Catherine wished to communicate, it seemed to be making her profoundly uncomfortable — and being Lady Catherine, she was bent upon passing that discomfort on to everyone around her. “What is the matter, Lady Catherine? Have you foundsomething amiss?” Elizabeth did her best to speak the words patiently and with calm confidence, though she was not entirely sure she was successful. She had been trying very hard, and she had thought everything was going well, given the strange circumstances.
“No, you’ve done nothing wrong. Relax, child,” Lady Catherine said impatiently. She fixed them both with a serious stare. “I am here to give you a lesson on how to be propermarriedladies.”
Elizabeth nearly swallowed her tongue. The implication was unmistakable. Did Lady Catherine really intend to speak to them about —that?!She must, for Elizabeth could think of no other reason for such careful privacy.
Her distaste was not only for the inevitably mortifying nature of the conversation. Elizabeth would also have a difficult tightrope to walk in anything she said, for she must not let Lady Catherine know she was in complete ignorance of the topic at hand. Mr Darcy had been very forbearing in allowing her time before demanding his marital rights, but she suspected that Lady Catherine would not agree that the gesture was a noble one. If Elizabeth let her ignorance show, what was already a difficult situation would become entirely impossible. “Lady Catherine, that is really not necessary —” she tried, but Lady Catherine hushed her.
“Now, now, Elizabeth. It does your modesty credit that you do not wish to discuss such a distasteful topic, but this must be done. A wife’s duty cannot be shirked — neither her duty to give her husband an heir, nor her duty to see to it that the sin inherent to the act is kept as little as possible. Now, this is something of which you must be most wary.”
“W-wary?” Georgiana repeated, her eyes wide.
Lady Catherine nodded solemnly. “As I have said, it is your duty to give your husband’s heirs. The way this is done is through intimacy. I know it is the most odious part of being married, but alas, it is the curse of Eve.” She shook her head and sighed. “Men being what they are, even the best of husbands are likely to fall prey to the sinful allure of the flesh. It is true, it is a necessary evil if a husband is to get a child on his wife. But it should only be engaged in for such purposes. And you must go to the reverend and repent of your sins as soon as possible after each, ahem, encounter…”
To judge by Georgiana’s mortified blush, Elizabeth’s own cheeks must be as red as tomatoes. She cleared her throat, wishing for some way to intervene and end all their mortification, but finding none. She could only hope devoutly that the ‘lesson’ would be over as soon as possible.
“Sir Charles de Bourgh and I, rest his soul, were only married for three years before I lost him to scarlet fever. And I am proud to say that in that time, we only engaged a few times per year…”
Elizabeth’s amusement was almost equal to her mortification. Poor Lady Catherine, and poor Sir Charles! It was evident that their union had been as dispassionate as it was brief. And Lady Catherine thought herself qualified to instruct others in this most delicate of areas? It was almost beyond belief.
“Are you listening to a word I have been saying, Elizabeth?” Lady Catherine snapped. “What on earth would you have to smile about with a subject as serious as this?”
“Was I smiling? Oh, Lady Catherine, I did not mean to. Sometimes my lips twitch at the most inopportune times —” Elizabeth started to explain, but Lady Catherine cut her off.
“Well, do not let it happen again. It is difficult enough to lead young ladies in the way they should go about such things without it being made into a joke.” Lady Catherine waxed on about the needs of husbands and how it was their duty to see to those needs. Elizabeth found the lecture rather ironic, since Lady Catherine thought it a sin to engage in such intimacies with their husbands. A necessary evil, she called it in almost the next breath.
But must it truly be something to be dreaded? Elizabeth let her mind wander, her heart quickening as she thought of Mr Darcy pressing her hand to his lips. Or of the times they had come so close to kissing. Her heart lifted, as if it would fly out of her chest, whenever he was near. Surely, something that made her feel such things could not be so terrible.
Elizabeth had not been paying attention, although she must have been giving the illusion of doing so, when she was suddenly jolted back to the present.
“But you say it is a wife’s duty to keep her husband’s interest, Lady Catherine?” Georgiana was asking.
“Indeed it is,” Lady Catherine affirmed. It seemed a curious notion, given all Lady Catherine had said about the sinfulness of certain activities and men’s eager interest in them, but then, much of what Lady Catherine had told them was rife with contradictions.
“I — I fear that I may have lost my husband’s interest,” Georgiana confessed shyly. “It seems, sometimes, as though he had perhaps grown tired of me.”
“Likely you have too many romantic notions,” Lady Catherine told her. “This is what you get, Georgiana, for marrying foolishly instead of allowing your family to aid you in choosing a worthy husband, one of solid worth and a respectable name. You should well know that I have never had any opinion of your Mr Wickham, and you should be ashamed of the way you treated your brother. If Mr Wickham is attaining a more practical view of life, that can only be to the good.”
After so harsh a rebuke, Georgiana could hardly be made to speak another word for some time. To Elizabeth, this seemed a startling dismissal of Georgiana’s feelings, but then, perhaps it was better so. Judging by the advice she had given them thus far, Lady Catherine was not likely to have any suggestions worth following. Georgiana ought to have help, but Elizabeth suspected her ladyship was not the one to provide it.
Unfortunately, Lady Catherine’s advice long outlasted the decree of her experience. They heard in great detail about how to be fruitful, though Lady Catherine had only Anne; how to see out the long years of a marriage, though Lady Catherine had been widowed after only three years, and how a wife might learn to be guided by her husband, yet gently influence him when most important, though, as far as Elizabeth could tell, Lady Catherine had never done either. Both her sense of humour and her patience were nearly exhausted when Lady Catherine was at last called away to deal with Anne de Bourgh, who had come down with a mild head cold.
Elizabeth and Georgiana sat for a moment in stunned silence after she had gone. Then, they each began to laugh, relieved that it was over. “Well, I certainly never would have thought my aunt qualified to give marital advice,” Georgianasaid. “Indeed, I am less sure now than ever! Are you well? You look as white as a sheet.”
Elizabeth shook her head and laughed. “Yes, I am well. I suppose I was beet red for so long that my skin is now trying to regulate itself.” The two sisters-in-law laughed heartily together.
At last, Elizabeth took a deep breath and turned to Georgiana. “I do not wish to pry, but I must confess that what you said is weighing on my mind.”
“What I said?” Georgiana echoed innocently. “Oh! I suppose you mean about Mr Wickham growing tired of me. I am sorry, Elizabeth, I should not have made you worry. Likely Lady Catherine is right, and I am only over-romantic. Mr Wickham is everything kind, and always treats me with such courtesy.”
