“What would you like to do?” I ask instead.
Beneath the water, I watch the slow glide of her small hands over the notch at her midsection. The glide that makes my stomach hurt.
Catherine had been indifferent when she announced her pregnancy. She’d told me over breakfast and that was the end of it. Part of me thinks she only said it as an announcement to her fulfilling her obligations. We barely saw each other again until I was called to the hospital.
But a baby with Lenora…
It’s too soon.
Not just the window of conception, but … I buried my sons a week ago. Having another child so quickly after is cruel. It’s unforgivable.
But she can’t possibly be pregnant.
“Going to stretch you out so the only cock that will make your cunt feel full is mine. So wide, I can fit my whole hand in and touch our baby.”
“I will allow you to use her. The condition is that you will breed her. You will put a baby inside her.”
“I want you to fuck her so much she gets knocked up, Marcus. Don’t you want that, too? I know you do. Now, you can. Breed her. Over and over. Dozens of little Lenora’s. No stopping. As soon as she drops one, bend her over and give her another.”
Veyn’s words echo through my head as if taunting me, and it hits me.
He’s been telling us from the beginning, and I stupidly dumped inside her every chance I got.
“We’re not pregnant,” Lenora murmurs, possibly sensing my terror. “I’ve been on the pill since I was sixteen. Mrs. Pym made sure of it.”
It’s unfair how violent the wave of relief is crashing over me, followed promptly by guilt.
A family with Lenora is a dream, but not yet. I’m not ready. I’ve already betrayed my sons so many times that bringing a baby into the world when they have barely had a chance to cool would be the final nail in my coffin.
“I would want it,” I tell her gently. “I just…”
“I know.” Her chin lowers to her chest. “I agree. We can’t. Not right now.”
My chest rises and falls with the heavy exhale I expel into the side of her neck.
Just one more thing to hate that demon for, but also, just how many times did I empty inside her that her belly would expandlike that? Was that even possible? If she’s not pregnant, then it has to be.
I let the idea drop. All of it. If it’s not a baby, there’s no need to worry about it.
Finished and both of us fully washed, I bundle her up in a towel and carry her to the bed. I make a mental note to get Mrs. Pym to change the sheets as I gingerly set Lenora on the edge of the mattress wrapped in nothing but a towel.
“I’m going to have your things moved into my closet,” I tell her flatly.
Lenora raises an amused eyebrow. “How would that look?”
“Frankly, I can’t give a shit, but I’m not letting you sit here, damp, while I go across half the house to get you clothes.”
She sighs softly. “While a lovely idea, I don’t think I’m ready to give up my room. Besides, you don’t exactly have a lot of room in your closet for all my things.”
She’s not wrong, but I’m not ready to be deterred.
“Then we’ll knock down the wall and extend it.”
While I’m being serious, Lenora chuckles and pushes to her feet. Unwillingly, my gaze slips to the faint bump beneath the towel.
“Let’s talk about it later. I’m going to head over myself.”
With that, she pads from my room and I don’t stop her. I listen to the soft clap of her feet until I can’t anymore and only then do I face the mirrors once more.
