Margaret brightened in an instant. That alone brought her comfort, for she had been so certain that that was what would happen to her. There were several elderly gentlemen in society that were in want of a wife, ones that would not ask questions, and the fact that her mother had not considered that meant that she had to love her more than she had assumed.
“So I will remain a spinster?” she asked.
“Well… in a sense, yes I suppose that you will. You see, I am going to allow you a final year in our household in order to facilitate your sisters’ time out. After that, you shall have a choice to make. Either you will enter the convent, or–”
“The convent? Mama, surely you cannot expect me to be a nun?”
“It would not be so different from the life you lead now.”
“It would becompletelydifferent.”
“Then perhaps you might prefer your other option. You can accept a position as a companion, if that is preferable.”
She trembled once again. She had expected her mother to tell her that she would no longer attend events, and declare that she would never marry. She would spend her life at home assisting her mother and her sisters until they married and that would be all. She had not for a moment thought that she would be sent away.
“Do you hate me?” she asked quietly. “I know that I am not the daughter you wanted me to be, but this is not fair.”
“It is necessary. Your sisters will have to prove themselves worthy in last year’s fashions, and you will have to stand aside while they do so. I, meanwhile, shall have to bear the brunt of the shame that accompanies all of it. We are all making sacrifices.”
Margaret did not think that there was any equality at all when it came to what they were all losing, but she did not complain. She never did, for she knew that she had to be grateful for what they did have. They could have been in a far worse position than they were, and though she would have to give up her dreams, she would still be fortunate.
She would find a way to manage.
“I understand,” she said at last. “I am grateful to you for all that you do for us, Mother. We will find a way through this.”
“I knew you would see things clearly. I was afraid that we would have to have a nasty dispute, but I do not know why I ever doubted you. You have always been such a good girl.”
A non-argumentative girl, Margaret thought. That was what her mother had always appreciated about her. She did not argue, nor did she insist that she got her own way about anything at all. It was not who she was, and not who she could ever be. Her responsibility was to her sisters, and that had to remain.
“Thank you, Mama,” she replied at last. “For everything.”
It was easier not to tell her the truth.
However, there was no denying as she stood in her small bedroom looking out of her window that she was jealous. She envied the other members of theton, for they were able to belong to that world.They could attend balls in their finest gowns, spend evening after evening enjoying themselves completely, but she could not. She would never dance again, never be courted, and of course she would never be chosen.
Her life, or at least the one she had always known, was over.
She was brought back to her senses by a knock on her door. She straightened herself quickly and called out for them to enter. It was Emily, who swept into the room with the scent of roses following her. Her blonde hair was undone, tumbling down to her waist, and she was looking at Margaret with wide eyes. Margaret feared that she had somehow learned the truth.
“Where were you at dinner?” she asked. “We missed you.”
“I– I was reading. I must have missed the call to go to the dining room.”
“I do hope you are not lying to me.”
“Of course not, Emily.”
Except, of course, she was. The truth was that she had been unable to face her sisters knowing what she had agreed to do. They would not be told of it until it was already too late, for if they knew the truth then there was a chance that they would attempt to prevent it. Nothing that they did would have made the slightest difference, and if anything it would have made it all worse, so it was for the best that they remained in the dark.
“Very well,” her sister accepted. “I was afraid that you had gotten nervous due to the upcoming season. Poppy thinks that you are growing weary of it.”
“I will not claim to enjoy being paraded around a ballroom as we are. I enjoy the evenings, but it does indeed grow wearisome attending events only to be…”
“What is it?”
“Only to be overlooked,” she finished. “And now, with two beautiful young ladies accompanying me, I shall not receive a second glance.”
“Oh, Margaret, you must not be so cruel to yourself! You have never been able to see your beauty. Besides, I offered to postpone my debut and you insisted that I entered society. It is hardly fair of you to say that now.”
