“I understand,” he said softly. “If you do not wish to meet her yet, then consider it done. I did not mean to frighten you. I was only thinking that it might be good for you to have a friend to support you through all of this. You have me, and you know that, but I am not a lady. I do not understand everything as much as I wish I did.”
“No, you do not.”
They remained silent for a moment.
“I know that you are trying,” she added. “I know that you have done more than most brothers would, and that I am being difficult. I wish I did not have to be, but there are some things that I cannot risk.”
“You do not need to explain yourself to me. If you do not wish to meet her, then you will not. You are my priority, Eliza. That is why I am doing all of this.”
“And I thank you for that. I do not know how I can possibly repay you for all of this.”
“You do not need to.”
“But I want to.”
He thought for a moment, then chuckled. She looked at him accusingly, as though he were mocking her, and he gave her a soft look in response.
“If you have a son,” he suggested, “call it Nathaniel. Then we shall both have done something for one another.”
“Consider it done,” she nodded.
He remained with her a while longer, and it passed far more easily. That was how it often was with Eliza. She would befurious with him for being absent, then remember what she was against, and then she would soften. It was not easy to listen to, but Nathaniel understood. Everything that he did was for her, and it always had been. That would not change simply because she had made a mistake.
“When will I see you again?” she asked as he prepared to leave.
“Soon. For all thetonknows, I am visiting you to ensure you are doing well after the loss of your husband. As long as we maintain such a facade, it will be easy for me to come here.”
“And if that changes, remember that we have a home in the North.”
“I will never send you there. It is cold, no place for a new mother. If the worst happens, I will find another way, but I will never send you there.”
There was a firmness in his voice, for he truly did not want to consider the idea. Their home in Northumberland was nice enough, but it was no place to raise a child. Not only that, but he did not want his only remaining family on the other side of the country, where he could not go to her. She was all that he had left.
And he would do anything to protect her.
CHAPTER 6
“It did not mean anything.”
The tearoom felt stifling as Margaret was crowded by her friends. She knew that it was only a matter of time before the news of her courtship made the rounds, and she wanted them to know the truth before they could hear anything else.
“Margaret,” Eleanor said in a hushed voice, “one does not dance with a gentleman and reveal something so personal and have it not mean anything. That is not how that works.”
“I do not know what you are suggesting, El, but you are wrong. I only wished to attend the ball, and he was there at the right time, and it led to me being vulnerable. There is nothing more to it.”
“If you insist,” Anne laughed softly. “I only wish that you had told us the truth to begin with. We could have helped you.”
Telling her friends about her family’s situation made her feel worse than anything else ever had. She had grown accustomed to the life that she had, and accepted that it did not at all resemble that of her friends, but that did not mean she wanted her friends to know about it.
“I did not wish to be a burden,” she explained. “I knew if you were all aware of what was happening, you would have wanted to help me, and my mother would never have accepted it. If anything, she would have been furious that I dared to tell you the truth, for it brings so much shame.”
“There is no shame in it,” Anne assured her. “It could have happened to any of us, and if it were us you would have wanted us to tell you. You know that.”
“Of course, for I am not you. I prefer to settle matters myself, for that way I at least know the outcome was due to myself.”
Her friends rolled their eyes at that, and she knew it was because it was no surprise to them. She was not one to share secrets, even though she knew that she could trust her friends. She had seen what happened to ladies that became victims of scandal, and with all that she had to protect, she could not risk it.
“Even so,” Clara said brightly, “I cannot believe that you danced with a gentleman! You never seemed to want that before.”
