Raleigh moved as though to embrace me, but I put a hand on his chest, stopping him from coming any closer.My mind was a maze.I wanted more than anything to let him pull me in, to bury my head in his chest and melt into his arms.But I couldn’t shake the memory of those arms curled around a corpse, and his shirt was still wet.The congealed blood clung to the palm of my hand.It was a sensation I’d have to get used to.
‘I have to free you, Raleigh.’
I watched as every argument I’d never listen to danced across Raleigh’s mind.Finally he settled on one, and I put my walls up, ready to push against him.‘“The best choice is always the one to live,”’ he echoed.‘You told me that.’He tucked my handkerchief away.‘Don’t forget it yourself.’
Twenty-Three
RALEIGH STAYED IN MYroom for the rest of the night, watching over me while I dreamed that my neck was so full of holes that it would collapse if I let it hold the weight of my head.I wanted to throw my pillow at him when I awoke, but it was hard to stay angry when I found him flushed with health again.He’d followed my advice, and I could never fault that.
We didn’t stay long past dawn.No one at the inn gave any indication they knew someone had been murdered in the night, but I could tell Moira knew from the way she studied Raleigh when she thought he wasn’t looking.She looked torn, as if she didn’t know whether to be relieved or wary.As if she was contemplating something deeper I couldn’t hope to understand.
The penultimate day of our journey passed without us encountering anything more than an ever-sickening unease.Yorik and Lukas’s carriage trundled ahead of us early that morning, and when we stopped that evening there was no sign they had ever reached the final guesthouse on our itinerary.They had pushed ahead.
The Queen was expecting us.To abandon our journey now would be an insult she would never let Raleigh forget.Our minders might have vanished, but there was no turning back.
The palace was located on the cusp of a forgotten lakeside town buried in the mountains.We first caught a glimpse in the early afternoon the following day, in time to see the sun glistening on the water before it plunged behind the mountains.Days were short here.
It was dark by the time we reached the town itself.It reminded me of Orlfen – if Orlfen had been frozen in time centuries ago.The few buildings were framed in wood and bulging with white clay – with the exception of the palace, which sprawled in defiance of the mountains, drawing the eye away from the towering peaks.The lights from countless windows shone like constellations against the darkened mountain.
With every step that dragged us closer to the palace, my dread climbed to a towering summit, but my worst fears were mere foothills compared to what Raleigh must have been feeling.He sat on the closed lid of his coffin after the sun went down, staring straight out the narrow window on the back of the carriage, neither moving nor breathing, his teeth clenched so hard I could see the strain in his jaw.His sword lay across his lap like a comfort blanket, sheathed to protect himself against the silver.
I gave up on trying to distract him after the first few monosyllabic responses and began mentally running over our plans for the evening.He and I would seek an audience with the Queen on our own while Moira and Enrique waited outside with the carriage.It would be simple.We would approach the throne.I would curtsey; Raleigh would bow, and we’d profess our undying love for one another.If she was true to her word, she’d let us go and we’d be back en route to Orlfen before sunrise.
All I had to do was convince her I loved Raleigh.Over the course of our journey I’d tried to smother any doubts about my feelings for him in preparation for our audience, and the truth was becoming increasingly clear.If I didn’t love him, at least a little, I wouldn’t be here.I would have abandoned him to face this himself, not risked my life by accompanying him.But how could I convince the Queen of that?She wouldn’t be so easily swayed, or Raleigh never would have tried to protect me from her in the first place.
If we didn’t leave the palace by midnight, Moira would be deployed to find us.This sat uncomfortably with me, but Raleigh would hear no protest.It had to be Moira, not Enrique.I didn’t think he was thinking straight, but Moira had agreed, and I had no choice but to accept the plan.It was my job to make sure she wouldn’t need to find us.
If we couldn’t convince the Queen and Moira couldn’t save us, Raleigh would have to return to court, but what would happen to me?I was under no illusion that the Queen would let me skip merrily into the sunrise.It would be a death sentence.Lukas had already made it clear she wanted me as part of her court, but knowing what Raleigh had suffered only confirmed that I couldn’t accept that fate.To never die when living comfortably was one thing, to never die while enduring the horrors of court was no different from hell.
I had to save both of us or die trying.Which meant I would almost certainly die tonight.The dagger Father Leon had given me was strapped to my thigh, concealed under my skirts, and a silver cross was tucked into my blouse.Smuggling silver into the Queen’s palace was a dangerous move, but I’d meant what I told Raleigh before.I had to free him.If she didn’t accept our story, then I’d write another one.
It was almost a relief when the carriage drew to a stop.As we waited impotently for someone to open the carriage doors, Raleighfinally spoke, breaking the illusion that he had turned to stone.‘I don’t think I can do this.’
I swallowed, wishing I could tell him that everything would be okay.But I’d never been able to lie to him.‘You don’t have a choice.’
The doors were opened by a man dressed simply but finely.At a generous guess he looked to be in his seventies, but he walked tall, as though it had never occurred to him to stoop to the trials of age.Vampires could change at any age, I supposed.But as he caught my hand to help me disembark, I realised there was warmth under his skin and his cheeks bore the unmistakable pallor of life.
‘Waltz!’Raleigh cried, amusement and disgust mingling together in his voice.‘Good God, where did they wheel you out from?Shouldn’t you be dead by now?’
‘Always a pleasure, Your Serene Highness.’ Waltz gave a stiff bow.
‘Still human, I see?’
‘For now.’
‘Waltz, here,’ Raleigh said, noticing my confusion, ‘thinks that if he serves our magnanimous Queen for long enough she’ll turn him into one of us.He gets to do all the grunt work and doesn’t even need to be glamoured for the privilege.’
‘I serve our Queen honourably,’ Waltz ground out, ‘which is more than I can say for some.’He looked at me as he said it, and I knew then that Raleigh’s cool reception was entirely warranted.
‘Honour?Is that what you call it?’Raleigh was smiling so broadly I had to brace myself for his next words.‘I call it pathetic.How many vampires do you know who look like you?Tell me, Waltz, really.If Her Majesty was going to change you, she would have done so forty years ago while you were still young and – well, I’d say beautiful, but I think we both know why she didn’t.You should live whatever life you have left before she gets bored of you and serves you for dinner.’
‘Are you not doing the same, my prince?’He inclined his head in my direction.
Raleigh tensed, but I smiled too, echoing Raleigh’s energy.‘I don’t want to be a vampire,’ I said, feigning sweet naivety.‘Of course, I’ll become one to stay with Raleigh.We all have to make sacrifices for love.’Raleigh intertwined his fingers with mine as I spoke, and I had to force myself to pretend it was something I was used to.‘But if I could stay human for eternity, wouldn’t that be so much better?’
‘Then you don’t know the advantages.’
Of course I did.On the long nights when not even my research could calm my panic, I’d tried to calm myself by listing the advantages of my future curse.Who could deny the appeal of eternal youth?The things I could do if I had a sliver of Raleigh’s strength.I would never again feel utterly powerless.But the cost …
