‘Youmurderedfor money,’ I cried.‘Can you really not see how absurd it is that you think marrying Mother for it was worse than that?’
Father slammed his hands on the table.‘Marianna was the love of my life and if I’d married her for the money I never would have let her choose to die the way that she did.’
The room began to spin, the ground falling away from my feet.I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think.
Father watched me, confusion spreading over his features.Then, like me, he went deathly still.‘I didn’t mean that,’ he said gently.‘I misspoke.Of course your mother’s death wasn’t her own fault.The prince murdered her.There was nothing we could do.’
‘That isn’t true.’Enrique finally spoke.Until then he had been standing like a shadow in the background.Now he was beside me, but his words did nothing to slow the spinning room.‘The prince doesn’t feed from humans without permission.He’s notorious for it among our kind.’
Father turned white at this revelation, but whether Enrique noticed or cared I didn’t know.‘I do not believe he would have murdered your wife.’
Enrique wasn’t helping.‘Stop it,’ I whispered.I had no intention of dwelling on Mother’s death more than I had to.Not when the day had already filled me with so much grief.
I never would have let her choose to die …
I shook the words from my head.But they were lodged there, echoing over and over, like a maddening chant.
‘Father,’ I said.My voice sounded far away.‘Never try to help me again.Whatever moral compass you think you’re following is clearly broken.’
‘If you think your prince is any better—’
‘Raleigh should have hanged you,’ I yelled over him.‘You are a disgusting, pathetic excuse for a human and I don’t know why Raleigh has allowed you to live this long.Count your blessings,Father’—I spat the familiar word—‘because once I’m princess I can’t guarantee you the same mercy.’I spun on my heels and threw open the door.For once I wished I could have found Johanna listening on the other side.‘Let’s go, Enrique.’
Father scrambled to his feet, but Enrique was between us before he could make it all the way around his desk.Enrique smiled tightly, in a way that made it clear that if Father tried a repeat of last time we wouldn’t be waiting until after my accession to bring him to justice.
I turned one final time and took in one last look at the man I once held so much admiration for.‘I’m glad Mother died before she could see what you’d become,’ I said.Then I let the door swing shut, and hoped I would never see my father again.
Eighteen
THERE WAS STILL Ahandful of hours left before midnight when we arrived back at the castle, yet Raleigh was already waiting in the entrance hall.He jumped to his feet as Enrique and I shouldered open one of the great doors, trying to look like he’d arrived there by chance, but I could think of no other reason why he would linger on the stairs.He stared at me a long while, clearly searching for something to say.
I didn’t know how to feel at the sight of him.I was exhausted, starving, a breath away from breaking down completely, and he was the man who stood at the centre of all of my grief.None of this would have happened without Raleigh.Father might have blocked our aid, but he hadn’t ordered the construction of the dam.He hadn’t sent troops to fight the French, he hadn’t stopped the rain.And, in the end, not everyone had died of starvation.
How many more had died of blood loss?
During our long ride home in the dark, one question kept plaguing me.Raleigh clearly knew everything Father had done andhad enough evidence that no one would have questioned his execution.So why had he never punished him?
If Raleigh truly never drank from a human who wasn’t already dying, wouldn’t he be the one with the most to gain from a famine he could blame someone else for?He’d made no secret of his dislike for my father and I doubted they would ever conspire together, but no prince would stand by while his people died avoidable deaths.If this truly wasn’t his doing, Father should have been punished.
I swayed in the doorway while Enrique excused himself, and didn’t resist as Raleigh came to me.I wanted to bury my head in his chest and forget everything that had happened.I wanted to scream at him until he told me the truth.I wanted him, at least, to be someone I could trust in this horrible, complex net of death I’d found myself caught in.
‘Are you all right?’Raleigh asked.
‘No.’
Raleigh placed his hand on my back, as he had done when we escaped Orlfen, and steered me to the lounge: a small room adjacent to the dining room filled with two couches, a pianoforte and stacks of books he had started, set aside and refused to tidy away in case he wanted to come back to them.I seldom spent time there; it felt like a room he had very much made his own.But it was comfortable if unfamiliar, the fire was warm, and the air smelt faintly of Raleigh.
‘I imagine you have questions for me,’ he said once we were settled on one of the couches.
I had a million questions for him, and I was terrified of the answers.‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner?’
Raleigh moved as though he was going to put his hand on mine, but he clearly thought better of it and clasped his own hands together.‘I didn’t want you to know.’
‘You didn’t want me to know my own father was responsible for our people starving to death?’It wasn’t exhaustion clouding my eyes now.
‘No.I didn’t,’ Raleigh said.He was so firm that his words shocked me into silence.‘It’s easier to think that someone you hate is a monster than someone you love.’
I picked at the edge of my thumbnail, letting the words sink in.‘Why didn’t you kill him for it?’
