My head felt light.I dug my fingers into the volume, willing the feeling away.The bastard had actually listened to me.
‘Please thank him for me,’ I said bitterly.
‘I can’t write back, I don’t know where he is,’ Moira said.‘You’ll have to thank him yourself when he returns.’
I stilled, her words circling through my head again, then again.‘Moira,’ I said slowly, ‘What do you mean, “when he returns”?’
‘Honestly, you two …’ She sounded exasperated.‘When was the last time you actually saw Raleigh?’
I didn’t know.Time had started to lose all meaning.The longer I spent in the library the more the days blended together.‘The day before yesterday,’ I said, suddenly less sure of myself.I’d seen him since I’d yelled at him about the letters.Hadn’t I?
‘Try last week.He’s been travelling since Tuesday.’
I didn’t know how long ago Tuesday was; I’d long since lost track of the days.‘He’s not here?’
‘He didn’t tell you?’
‘We don’t really talk,’ I muttered, dipping my eyes to the letter so that I wouldn’t have to see her expression.There was nothing of depth in it, only two pages of rambling pleasantries about the weather and the state of the roads.He’d written more than he had said to me in weeks, and yet it didn’t seem to say anything at all.He really had written me a letter just so I could finally get a letter.If he intended it to be belittling, he’d certainly succeeded.
But if Raleigh was away …
‘When will he be back?’I asked.
Moira shrugged.‘I don’t know.Today or tomorrow.He doesn’t date his letters, but he took the small carriage, so he’ll have to travel by night.’She narrowed her eyes.‘Whatever it is you’re thinking, stop it.’
‘I wasn’t thinking anything,’ I lied.Then, seeing her expression, I said, ‘I want to go to Orlfen.’
After I gave up on my plans of escape, I had toyed with the idea of a day trip to Orlfen, but without a horse I couldn’t guarantee I would be able to make it there and back without Raleigh finding out.His waking hours were unpredictable.The days were long now, evening bleeding deep into the night, and Raleigh tended to wakelong before sundown; I was often startled from my studies by the library’s curtains shrieking shut of their own accord when he rose.I shuddered to think what he might do if he ever woke early and found me gone.He would never believe it was nothing more than a visit.So I’d discarded the idea.Perhaps if I had a horse I would have been more bold, but Raleigh kept the horses and carriage in a stable down the mountain where they could be properly cared for by a stablehand, who, according to Moira, refused to come any closer to the castle.
But if Raleigh was travelling, I had time.
My heart started pounding, my fingers buzzing with a lightness I hadn’t felt in months.This could work.If Raleigh returned tonight, I still had at least eight hours.It would have to be brief, but I could see Father.
And Yann …
My stomach twisted in a complicated knot of emotion.I’d still heard no word of his welfare, no confirmation whether he was dead or alive.The last time I’d seen him he was collapsed on a forest floor cradling a broken hand.I didn’t share Raleigh’s confidence that he would have made it back to Orlfen in one piece.And I was terrified of finding out that he hadn’t.
I pushed the feeling aside.It was all the more reason to go.Raleigh might be able to intercept my letters, but he couldn’t intercept this.I had to see Yann.I had to know.
‘I’m not helping you escape.’
‘I don’t want to escape,’ I said, shocked to realise it wasn’t a lie.As much as I hated to admit it, Raleigh was keeping to his boundaries admirably, and as long as he honoured his end of the bargain, I intended to honour mine.Besides, there were worse things than a broken hand.I didn’t want to imagine what he would do to my family if I really did try to escape.
‘I want to visit Father and make sure everyone is all right.’I didn’t tell her about Yann.It would only complicate the situation.
‘And you expect me to believe that?’
‘I do.’I met her eyes, trying my utmost to convey my earnestness.She turned away first, then dropped her shoulders in resignation.‘Please, Moira.I just need you to look the other way.’
‘What happened to not having enough free time to go outside?’
‘This will invigorate me,’ I said.‘Raleigh never needs to know, and I’ll never ask you for anything like this again.’
Moira groaned, then braced herself against the desk.‘Fine.Fine.As long as you’re back before sundown.’
‘I’ll need a horse to make it back in time,’ I said.
‘You already have a horse,’ she said.
