I let go of Raleigh’s collar and let him stumble backwards, preparing myself for a retaliation that never came.Instead he sank onto the bed and buried his face in his hands.
‘You don’t have to kill anyone,’ I said.
Raleigh shook his head.‘I can’t just hypnotise someone to forget.The wound would still be there.How would you feel if you woke up knowing I’d drunk from you while you slept?’
He was right; it wasn’t something I would recover from quickly.To know that he had been there and that I had been powerless to stop it … it was the very fear that had kept me awake at night forso much of my childhood.Finding marks at my neck would be violating on a level I couldn’t comprehend.Raleigh could, though, and the sinking realisation made me feel lost.
I intertwined my own fingers, holding them tightly while I contemplated my next words.‘I’m not asleep.’
Steadying my breath, I brushed my hair to one side, then loosened the cross at my throat.Raleigh inhaled sharply and made to pull away, but I grasped his shoulders.My strength was no match for him, of course.If he were really resisting, I couldn’t have kept him there; it was only an encouragement, to push him towards what I knew he wanted.
‘You need to feed, and I’m human.’
‘Clara …’
‘You can drink without killing.’
He started to protest.
‘I know it’s hard to stop, but it will be impossible if you lose control.’
Raleigh was silent for so long that I thought he would refuse again.Instead he lowered his head and squeezed my hand.A silent affirmation.A resignation.
‘What if I can’t stop?’
I brushed his fringe from his eyes, then tilted his chin so he would look at me.His skin was so soft, so cold, his jaw trembling under my touch.‘I trust you.’
It had been a long, long time since anyone had treated Raleigh so gently.
He coaxed me down onto the sheets, positioning himself over me while I tried to ignore the heat coiling inside me.The sheer proximity of him, the gentle skim of his knees on either side of my hips.I could only imagine how this would feel in any other situation.One without death’s voyeuristic gaze lurking around the corner.
‘I’ll stop at any time,’ he said.‘You change your mind, I’ll stop.If you feel dizzy or weak, or in any way feel like I’ve taken too much, tell me to stop.’
I nodded, trying not to wonder how I would know that he had taken too much unless it was too late.His breath was cool against the sensitive skin of my throat.Trembling bursts of air pushed through shaking lips.His nose brushed my skin first.Then came the softest press of his lips.I jolted, burning rivulets of static racing through to the furthest reaches of my body.A noise escaped my lips, but whether or not it was one of fear I no longer knew.
‘You’re sure?’he whispered.Each syllable seared across my skin.
No.I wasn’t.It was so much easier to be determined when I wasn’t lying beneath him.My heart was beating too quickly.My blood would flow too fast.He wouldn’t be able to stop.I’d die.I didn’t want to die.
‘Certain,’ I lied.
I felt him nod, felt his lips draw away.
Then pain exploded at my throat.
It was all-consuming, the sort of pain that catches your breath and squeezes tight.This time the noise I made had only one meaning.But just as it toed the line of unbearable, a numbness took over.And then the fangs were gone, replaced by the cool softness of Raleigh’s mouth, his eager lips, a searching tongue.In place of pain came something else entirely.My head felt distant.Thoughts lost all meaning.There was only me and Raleigh and the point where our bodies met.
I wished I could die, because I knew I would never feel such pleasure again.
Later, when my thoughts returned to lucidity, I recognised the signs of intoxication from vampire venom.I’d read about the effects, but only from observers, and Moira hadn’t spoken of the experience.Nothing could have prepared me for how it really felt.
Raleigh jerked away too soon, though if we had remained intertwined for days it would have been too soon.I was only dully aware of him pressing his balled sleeve to my throat in an attempt to slow the bleeding, and then of the dip of the mattress as he curled up beside me.We remained that way for some time while my head returned to normal.Part of me was sickened by what I’d just done.Part of me was inflamed for more.
‘Are you all right?’Raleigh murmured.
I gathered myself and rolled over to face him.His face was flushed, eyes glazed, and his lips were bright red with the lingering remains of my blood.
‘Did I hurt you?’
