I crushed my lips to his, not allowing him to taint what he’d just said by saying we couldn’t have it. That it was impossible. I didn’t want to hear that, didn’t want rational thoughts to enter this room, this conversation.
Tonight was magic. It was perfection.
Reality could fuck off.
“What if I said you could have it?” I said, trying to find a way around this, a way to keep him even as our time was drawing to an end.
“Alessio, I can’t ask?—”
“You’re not. I’m offering.”
He let out a sigh and ran a thumb over my lower lip. “That’s not fair to you.Noneof this has been fair to you.”
I could feel the seconds slipping through my fingers as he lowered his hand to the bed, and knew it had to be now or never. He was getting ready to end this. My one night would be over, this would be it, done, and I wasn’t ready.
“So what happens next, then?” I said, sitting up. “I just say goodbye and leave? That’s it? You’re okay with that?”
“I…” He moved to sit up beside me on the bed, gently placing a hand on my thigh. “I have to be.”
“But you’renot,” I said. “It’s killing you as much as it is me. You think I can’t see that?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Why the fuck not?” I demanded, and shot to my feet.
Rafael looked up at me with a resigned sadness, and I knew what was coming next. “Because I took a vow. I… Thisiskilling me. Of course I want more than one night?—”
“Then take it.” I fell down to my knees, between his, pleading with him now, desperate for this not to be the end. “It doesn’t have to be sex. Or anything intimate. I just want you in my life, Rafael. Outside of here. Where it’s just us. Don’t leave me again.”
He was going to deny me. He was going to tell me it was too risky, too tempting, too everything. Instead, he reached for my face and angled it up to his, swiping away tears I didn’t even realize had fallen down my cheeks.
Then he leaned down and gently brushed his lips across mine.
“I’m not going anywhere. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. And God help us both—Idon’twant to.”
“You’re mine,” I whispered across his lips. “And if I have to fight Him to the end to prove it, don’t think I won’t.”
“Alessio.”
I pressed a hard, fast kiss to Rafael’s lips. “Don’t think I won’t.”
I moved to my feet, grabbing up my clothes and stepping into them. All the while, Rafael sat with his back to the wall and the sheet pulled across his lap, watching, memorizing, no doubt praying.
But for what, I wasn’t sure this time. Usually I’d think it was to be rid of me. To forget about me. But the look in his eyes told me none of those thoughts were in his head right now.
“When can I see you again?”
He blinked and brought his eyes up to mine. “What do you mean?”
“Tomorrow. After your day?”
“After?”
“Yeah.” I pulled on my shirt and ran my fingers through my hair. “Like when we usually come to confession. Later. At night. You could maybe use the tunnels?”
Rafael’s eyes widened a fraction. “But they’re locked.”
“Luckily, you know the guy who can unlock it.”
