I stayed hidden until the door shut and I heard Alessio lock up. Then I stepped into the living room, arms crossed.
“You knew his phone was there and still?—”
“Wanted to suck your dick? Damn right.”
“Yeah well, after that, the only thing you get to put in your mouth is the popcorn you just popped.”
“That’s just mean.”
“Too bad,” I told him, but held on to his hand as I headed back to the kitchen. “I’m the boss, remember? That’s the way you like it.”
“Don’t forget, you like it too.”
God, he was incorrigible. “We could’ve been caught.”
“I never would have let that happen.” Alessio stopped and pulled me back into his arms, brushing his lips over mine. “I’ll always protect you, always watch over you. I love you. You know that, right?”
THE MEMORY ENDED abruptly and I was back at the pulpit, hundreds of eyes intently focused on me. I didn’t know why mymind had chosen that one, something so wholly inappropriate for where I was. Maybe it had something to do with the eyes on me, I don’t know. But it had me struggling to remember what I was saying.
My fingers curled around the edges of my notes, and it was strange the way I could still feel Alessio’s hand in mine. Could still hear his teasing tone in my ear.
And even now, he was one of those pairs of eyes watching me.
“Let us not forget,” I said, my voice coming out raspy, and I had to clear my throat before continuing. “God is faithful, and He always provides a way through.”
Before I did something I would regret, like look up again, I closed my eyes and led the congregation in a prayer, one I needed more than they did. When I finished and opened my eyes, they automatically went to the spot where Alessio stood.
But he was gone, walking toward the exit quickly like he needed to get out of there, and I found myself heading down the aisle in his direction.
“A wonderful mass, father,” I heard on my left, and I nodded and gave a polite smile as I continued forward. But the amount of people wanting a moment of my time, gently touching my arm to stop me and get my attention, had me losing sight of Alessio.
Until I saw the doors burst open and his dark hair blowing around him and into the night.
Gone.
17
ALESSIO
AS SOON AS Rafael finished his final prayer, my feet were moving. I couldn’t stay there, didn’t know how I’d managed as long as I did.
Maybe somewhere deep down I’d known I needed to hear it. But that didn’t stop the contents of my stomach from wanting to spill the fuck out.
I burst through the church doors as the crowd began to stir behind me, hurried down the stairs, and sucked in a lungful of air. The faster I got away from this place, the better. I needed space to think in a place where Rafael didn’t exist, wherewedidn’t exist, which meant my apartment was also out of the question. So was Libertine. I didn’t want to risk running into anyone I knew, not right now, so I just kept walking—nowhere in mind, just needing to put distance between me and the man who continued to tear what we’d had to shreds.
When would it be enough? When would I finally realize Rafael would never have space in his life for me and move on?
It seemed impossible to even think about. My whole life had centered around him. Even when his choices took him away from me, I found myself coming back to him. Coming back toourchurch.
He was still mine. I was still his. Nothing could change that.
I started to cross the street, but a chaos of horns stopped me, curses ringing through the night, both mine and those of the owners of the cars passing by. I ran a frustrated hand through my hair and blew out a heavy breath, needing to get my head on straight.
“…the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
“…the wrong we wish to avoid has a way of finding us anyway…”
So that was it, then. Rafael felt that I, that we, were wrong. Those fucking passages had felt directed at me, even though he couldn’t have known I’d be there. It was his guilt manifesting in a sermon, words of what he truly believed, and even though I knew what was in the Bible he preached from, hearing them roll off his tongue was a dagger through my heart. Especially now.
