And as I straightened in front of the mirror and reached up to flatten a hand over my heart and slide it over my nipple, I knew my biggest sin was that I hadn’t.
I’d never forgotten the way his fingers had felt exploring, touching, and teasing me the way my fingers were now. The wayhe’d brushed his thumbs across the tight tips, and then lowered his head and flicked his?—
I let out a harsh groan and narrowed my eyes on the hands now roaming my body of their own free will. They were no longer mine—they were his. I knew the exact way he’d touch me, circling first the left then the right nipple, before moving in to kiss my neck. I sucked in a breath at the thought, craning my head to the side, Alessio’s lips a memory I’d never been able to erase as they made their way down to the hollow at the base of my throat.
My cock rose to attention as though it knew it was now or never to get in on the action, and the sight of myself at full mast was such a foreign one that I couldn’t help but reach down and tentatively graze the length with my fingers.
How long had it been? Years.
Years since the day I’d said goodbye to that part of my life. It’d been difficult at first to accept, but that was the choice I’d made. One I thought I’d come to terms with.
I’d quenched that thirst, conquered that desire…or so I had thought.
But as Alessio’s tortured voice and gorgeous face came to mind, I wrapped my hand around my rigid dick and imagined him standing in front of me.
He was so different now, and still somehow the exact same.The boy with the dark, brooding eyes and brow that was all too serious—he was the same. So was the high slash of the boy’s cheekbones and his full and overtly sensual lips.
Theywere what tempted me back when we’d been teens.
Were whatstilltempted me now, whenever he was near.
But there was a harshness to him now, too, one I didn’t recognize.The Alessio I’d known was cheeky and mischievous, someone who always smiled. Now, he hid that smirk behindthick stubble and a long curtain of silky, dark hair that intrigued me.
I wonder what it feels like? Soft? Thick?
I wanted to run my fingers through it and, at the same time, knew I never could. That didn’t mean I couldn’t envision it, though. I’d already gone this far—what was one more transgression?
I closed my eyes and imagined the hand around my cock was Alessio’s. That it was him staring back at me, not the stranger in the mirror. I imagined him with a smirk curving that full mouth of his as he stroked his fist up my throbbing length and then back down.
The pleasure was exquisite. So much so it was almost painful, as Alessio’s voice washed over me, much more direct this time.
“How could you forget the way I made you feel, how you mademefeel when we touched each other?”
“I didn’t,” I whispered, hoping God could forgive my moment of weakness, hoping He understood I was only a man.
“Prove it,”Alessio’s voice taunted me, seducing me as surely as the hand around my cock was.
I knew I should deny it, should stop and punish myself for being so weak. But when I opened my eyes and looked at the man in the mirror, what I saw there wasn’t a weak man but a desperate one.
My teeth were clenched, my body taut as a trip wire, as my hand pumped harder and faster around the thick, veiny cock jutting out from my hips. The small space I stood in seemed to shrink in on me as my neck corded with veins and I strained against my own desire, fighting with my body’s need for release.
“You smell so fucking good.”Alessio’s voice, his words, lured me to the edge of my control—“I want to rub my face all over you”—then finally pushed me over.
I bit into my lip so hard that I drew blood as I came in a hot rush all over the spotless sink in my rectory bathroom. My muffled cries were that of a tortured man breaking and realizing he wasn’t good enough to wear the cloth. That he’d just given in to the biggest sin of all—temptation.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there, but when my vision finally returned, and I stared at the stranger in the mirror, I brought my fingers to my lips and tasted the release Alessio had just given me.
God may feed my soul, but Alessio had always fed my heart and desire.
And if that was a sin, then I’d atone for it…later.
6
ALESSIO
MY DREAMS WERE fitful. Memories came and went, but only in pieces, and the most painful ones at that.
Rafael standing in the kitchen at my parents’ house, his hands wrapped around his favorite mug, giving me a look that told me I wasn’t going to like what he had to say.
