“His favorite thing to say to me was, don’t be too smart for your own good. Or your brother’s.”
Lyric gasped. “He threatened you and your brother? If you tried to leave, he’d hurt him?”
“He hurt us anyway. But I knew despite Desiree’s father being the sheriff that I was never getting out. If I told anyone what was happening, he’d have killed me. I believed that from the time I was seven and he choked me out the first time, that no matter what, he’d always win. I wasn’t strong enough to beat him, only to endure him.”
“The cops would have helped you,” Lyric pointed out.
She caught the disbelief in Mason’s eyes and confirmed what he must know, having presumably seen a lot on the job as an FBI agent. “My best friend’s father was the sheriff, but the sheriff’s best friend was my dad. All he ever said about bruises or cuts on me was that I should stay out of the kitchen if I was that clumsy with a knife, or that my father should take it easy on me when I screwed up. In his mind, it was my fault because that’s what my father made him believe. He was a guy’s guy. Everyone loved him. He made sure to the outside world we looked like a happy family. And I cooperated, wearing long sleeves and hiding my wounds from everyone. After they were gone, I didn’t care anymore who saw them. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I simply existed.”
“Did you and your ex talk about what was going on at home?” Mason asked.
“Sometimes. If he saw my injuries, he’d ask. I mostly didn’t want to talk about it.”
“How did he feel about it?” Lyric asked.
“Like I felt. Helpless. Oh, he talked a good game about wanting to take my father out for hurting me, but I never believed he’d actually do it. My father liked Neil.”
“I’d think the last thing he’d want is someone knowing he was abusing you,” Hawk pointed out.
“He threatened Neil the first time I introduced him as my boyfriend. I’d tried to hide it for a few weeks, because I wanted to keep the one good thing I had mine. I knew it would eventually get out, but I craved Neil’s attention.”
“Something good,” Hawk guessed.
“Yes. My one rebellion. But my father got wind of it from other parents. I thought he’d order me to stop seeing him. Instead, he invited Neil to dinner. Right there at the table where they were all killed, he casually told Neil that if he ever said anything thatput me or my family in a bad light, he’d have me accuse Neil of rape. Didn’t matter if it was true, it would ruin Neil’s life.”
“Damn. That’s diabolical.” Mason sat back heavily in his chair.
“I tried to break up with Neil that night, but he wouldn’t let me. He said I mattered to him and having him around might make my dad stop. He was wrong on both counts. If I mattered to him, then why did he kill my innocent little brother? He knew how protective I was over Danny. And my father never stopped hurting me. The night before he was killed, he’d come to the dinner table and asked why I hadn’t fixed my hair or put on a clean shirt. I hadn’t noticed I’d spilled soda on it. Like one tiny drop on the front. But he saw it and I got a fist to the side of my head that rang my bell. He pushed me out of my chair and dragged me by my hair to my room and ordered me to fix myself and present myself to him once I was dressed and cleaned up properly for dinner. When I did, I was swaying on my feet, dizzy from the blow. My ears rang for like an hour. He asked if I was drunk and had stolen his booze.”
Mason’s hands fisted on the table. “He had to know you were hurt.”
“He didn’t care. He just wanted an excuse to keep piling on the pain.”
“What did he do?” Hawk didn’t look like he really wanted the answer.
“He took out his knife and cut me.” She tilted her chin back and showed him the scar along her jaw. “I don’t know if he was going for my throat or what. My mom screamed when she saw how much blood was pouring out. I just stood there, dead inside, wishing he’d have aimed better and put me out of my misery.”
Lyric reached her hand across the table toward her. “Oh, Lucky. I’m so sorry you felt that way. And I’m so glad you survived.”
Hawk scooped her out of her chair and into his lap. His huge arms wrapped around her and held her tight, his lips pressed to her ear. “I hate that you ever felt that way and that he made you feel like that was the only way out. I know what it’s like to feel trapped. To feel like there’s no way to make it stop. That’s not your life anymore.” He said the last louder for the others to hear.
“But it is. Sorta. Someone, most likely Neil, is still hurting me.”
“Why?” Lyric asked. “If he loved you and took out your family to make you safe, why keep hurting you?”
“Because I was angry he killed my brother. Because I refused to go along with his denial that he did it just to help his case. He swore he was framed and I called bullshit. Because I refused to speak to him at all after he was arrested.”
“You didn’t want to know what he had to say for himself?” Mason asked.
“No. At the time, I was in a fog. I woke up to…” She swallowed back the bile and scream that had been in her throat even then. “It was horrible. All the blood. The utter silence.” She leaned into Hawk even more. “I felt so guilty. Why was I alive and he was dead? He was just a little boy. He’d never done anything in his whole life to deserve that.”
Hawk held her close and kissed her head. “Neither of you deserved what happened to you. You’re so strong and resilient. I don’t know how you do it.”
“Yes, you do. You’ve had to overcome a lot after your service. You probably don’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine, but know that I’m here if you ever need me to listen.”
Lyric leaned on her forearms on the table. “I worried that maybe this wouldn’t work between you because she’s so much younger than you.”
Lucky was twenty-four but felt much older.
