She leaned back and looked up at him. “Because you know me better than anyone.”
He did. And he loved that she’d counted on him to come after her this morning.
“Yeah, well, you know me, and you knew I’d be concerned when I woke up without you, but you did it anyway.”
“Truthfully, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to wake you. I needed to be alone to sort out my thoughts and feelings.”
“Alone, huh?”
“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need and want you.”
Thank God. She wasn’t pulling away fromhim.
“Next time, tell me you’re going out. After last night, I didn’t know what to think. You weren’t in the house and I thought…” He’d thought the worst. When he drove out here, he expected to find her in bad shape. She didn’t seem to be. In fact, she’d joked with him. Her words, her mood, everything about her seemed steady.
Her gaze dropped. “You should have told me about the woman who committed suicide.” Her sad eyes met his. “I’m not so fragile that I’ll shatter.”
“I know you’re not. You proved that last night when you handled the governor with such strength and conviction.”
“I needed him and his wife to understand. They never saw their son for who he really was. And I don’t mean the bad part of him. His life was stunted by expectations and living up to an image he didn’t want any part of and never fit him.” She stared out at the water. “He turned my understanding of that into an obsession and a need to possess the one person who saw him as an individual. Everyone needs to be seen for who they are and to be appreciated by those close to them. He took it to a dark place.”
“You’ve really thought about this.” He brushed his fingers over her soft cheek. “You sound different, Brooke.”
“I’m better. As much as it hurt to talk to the governor and his wife about what their son cost me, I think it helped me to accept it. I will always miss her. I’ll forever wish for her. But I need to live my life and not live to grieve her.”
He let that sink into his battered heart. “I feel the same way, sweetheart. I can live with the hole in my heart because you fill up all the other places inside me.”
“You do the same for me, Cody. Maybe you don’t believe that, but it’s true.”
“I want to be the one you can always count on.” He hadn’t been that for her in the past, but he meant to be that from now on. “I want you to believe in me. In us.”
They were together, but she hadn’t made a commitment to him. He wanted that more than anything.
“Cody.”
“Yes, sweetheart?”
Her gaze locked with his, her eyes so earnest, a fathomless depth of how she felt. “I love you.”
He cupped her cheek and held her loving gaze. “I love you, too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And I know you love me. But when you say it…man, it hits me. Every time. I can’t get enough of hearing you say it.” He dipped his head and kissed her softly. Reverently.
God this woman owned him, heart and soul.
She brushed her fingers through his hair. “Right now my feelings are raw and all over the place. The only thing I know for sure each day is that you love me. That’s part of why I came out here this morning. I’ve spent the last several weeks surviving in the aftermath of what happened. My psychiatrist kept telling me to find a way to livewithwhat happened and notinwhat happened. I didn’t truly understand what that meant until Icame out here and thought about what I want for myself and my life. I think I needed these last few weeks to grieve for everything I’ve lost. Not just our girl, but the person I used to be. I don’t think I’ll ever be her again.”
“Honey, if you tell me the Brooke I’ve known for more than ten years is gone, I won’t believe you. You’re still you, just stronger, more independent. Someone who goes after what she wants. You’re the happy, nurturing, loving woman I’ve always known and so much more now because of what you’ve been through.”
Her lips tilted into a soft grin. “I’m not the naïve girl I used to be. I played a lot of childish games chasing after you.” She put her hand over his on her belly. “It was selfish and callous not to tell you about the baby. You were her father, and I regret not telling you and dealing with the situation head-on.”
He appreciated that. “It was a complicated situation that I didn’t handle well either. We were both trying not to hurt each other and not to get hurt. In the end, we realized that the only way to be happy was if we were together, because we love each other. That’s what really matters.”
She pulled him into a hug. “I love you so much, Cody. Loving you and being loved by you has gotten me through these last few weeks. Your steady and constant love has made it possible for me to wind my way through all the crazy twists and turns of my thoughts and emotions. No matter how hard I pushed you away, I knew you’d stand beside me. I knew you’d understand I wasn’t in my right mind and I needed you to just hold on to me.”
He pressed his forehead to her soft hair, his lips next to her ear. “I will never let go, Brooke.” A promise he’d never break.
She turned in his arms and looked him in the eye. “I know. I believe it, because you show me every day.”
He traced his fingers across her forehead and tucked her hair behind her ear. “And I will keep showing you how much I love you for the rest of our lives.”
