“What are you thinking about when you’re alone in your room at night, pacing?”
I think about her.“Nothing.”
“This process only works if you open up to it.”
“To you.” He eyed the doctor with disdain.
“Yes. I want to help you, so that one day you can go back to your life.”
Adam guffawed at that. “There’s no going back.”
“Why do you say that?” Dr. Green held his stare, one eyebrow raised. He didn’t know what had really happened. He thought Adam had tried to take his life. He didn’t know why.
The why mattered.
Shemattered.
Adam couldn’t tell him what he’d done. Not that it would do any good. There was no taking it back. Saying I’m sorry wouldn’t fix anything. If he wasn’t here, he’d be in jail. At least here he had a chance to make things right. He needed to make things right. He needed to see her.
“Adam. Why can’t you go back to your life? You’ve graduated college. Aren’t you looking forward to getting a job after all the hard work you put into finishing your degree?”
“Sure. Whatever. Are we done?”
Dr. Green leaned in. “I’d like to talk about that night and what you were feeling before you tried to take your life.”
“Take it? It’s mine. I decide what to do with it.” That didn’t sound exactly right to his ears because up until he met Brooke, he’d still been trying to please his parents, doing everything theywanted him to do. He’d even taken a major that, yes, he was good at, but didn’t thrill him. He’d caved to pressure. So it would look good when his father talked about him.
Adam couldn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Except for Brooke. He needed to show her that she mattered. He was sorry. “When can I make a call?”
“Who do you want to call?”
“Her.”
“A girlfriend?”
“I thought she was.” In a way. This was as close as he could get to saying anything about Brooke without explaining what happened. “I need to talk to her.”
Dr. Green nodded like he understood, then crushed Adam’s hopes. “Now is the time to focus on yourself. She’ll be there when you’re better and able to communicate your feelings once you’ve reconciled what you did and why.”
“I know why.”
“Then let’s talk about it,” Dr. Green pushed.
“I did something terrible. I didn’t realize how bad, when I started. But now I know. I have to make it right.”
“You need to understand what led you to that dark place, how you ended up there, and what you can do to prevent yourself from ending up in that place again.”
“I know what I need to do, but no one will let me fucking do it.” He grabbed fistfuls of his sweats at his thighs in frustration as his right knee bounced up and down like a piston.
Dr. Green noted the nervous action. “What do you feel like you need to do?”
He gripped the arms of the chair so tight his knuckles went white. “You don’t understand.”
Dr. Green leaned forward, his forearms on his knees. “Help me understand by explaining it to me.”
“I hurt her. I need to make it right.”
“Do you think your loved ones are upset or angry about what you did?”
