And he’d ruined even that.
He’d rationalized it all in his mind with irrational excuses for what he’d done.
She hadn’t known he was the one doing those things.
She’d reported his activities to the police and told them she was scared.
He’d thought she’d loved the attention. He’d done it to please her, so that she knew she wasn’t ever alone.
And that freaked her out.
Because it was crazy for him to think she wanted someone to stalk her every move and send her things that were personal and that she liked without ever approaching her and telling her it was him, and that he just wanted to make her happy if she’d let him.
And that was the lie he had told himself again and again.
She wanted me to do it.
She wanted me.
But now he knew better. Now he had a clear head. Now he knew what he’d done. To her.
To those other girls.
Oh God. What have I done?
Right and wrong got crossed in his haywire brain.
In the moment, he’d thought everything he’d done leading up to confronting Brooke was just him experimenting like college kids did all the time. But it had been dark and twisted.
And Brooke and the others paid the price for his obsession.
He stared at his mom’s perfectly done up face and saw the lie there mixed with the truth in her eyes. She was embarrassed, ashamed, and a little scared of him now. “Did you give her my letter? What did she say? Will she come? I need to see her.” He had no right to ask her to come. But he hoped. And he needed. He couldn’t shut it off. It’s all he thought about now.
Yes, he knew it was what got him into this trouble, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.
His mother pressed her lips tight and looked to his father for the answer she didn’t want to say to him.
His father sighed and gave him thatyou’re so exasperatinglook. “I’ve told you a dozen times, she doesn’t want to see you. We came today to find out how you are and if you’re progressing with your treatment.”
Adam ignored all that. “But you gave her my letters. She read them.”
His mother leaned over and reached out to touch his knee but pulled her hand back at the last second. “Adam, honey, Brooke is upset. She’s grieving. She’s traumatized. You understand that, right?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “She lost her child.”
Of course he knew that. They didn’t need to tell him. He’d seen what he’d done. It was bad. So bad. But he couldn’t help it. It had just come over him. He’d lost it.
He had to make her understand.
“Adam.” His mom snapped out his name to get his attention again. “We haven’t been able to talk to her.”
He leaned toward her, and she leaned back. “That’s why I asked you to give her the letters. I need to see her,” he demanded.
“It’s never going to happen.” His father rested his forearms on his thighs and hung his head. “You need to focus onyouand getting better.”
“I need to seeher.”
“She doesn’t want to see you. I can’t even get a meeting with her. And if she goes to the police and tells them you are the one who attacked her… Well, you can kiss this hospital goodbye, because you’ll spend the rest of your life in prison. Stop thinking about her and think about yourself. So far I’ve been able to keep any connection between your attempted suicide and the campus stalker attacking Brooke from creeping into the police investigation or reporters’ questions. If Brooke comes here…if you contact her…I won’t be able to keep that a secret. Someone will leak something. I hope you’ve been careful with what you tell the doctors and nurses here.”
Adam sighed. His father didn’t get it. Adam didn’t care what happened to him. “I just want to talk to her. Can you set up a phone call? Something. You’re the fucking governor. Make her do it.” He stomped his foot, earning him another glare from his parents.
