Disappointment washed over him, and he closed his eyes as her lips coaxed him to continue kissing her. Brooke’s image and the way they’d made love came back to him.
He hated that he did it, but he pretended Kristi was Brooke and dug his fingers into Kristi’s hair, turned her head so he could fit his mouth to hers for a deep, penetrating kiss, and pulled her down to him.
“Mmm. Honey, if this is what I have to look forward to every morning, I’d have insisted on waking up with you every day since we met.”
“Shh.” He pulled her mouth back to his. He wanted to block out Kristi and be with Brooke, if only in his fantasy.
You’re a special kind of bastard.
He ignored that inner voice and kissed Kristi again.
The wedding was fast approaching. Between his caseload, the ranch, and the wedding plans, he and Kristi hadn’t had sex, despite how often she pushed for it. He’d used work and exhaustion as an excuse.
She’d been preoccupied with wedding plans on top of her job. Plus the pregnancy made her tired, too.
It gave him the time he needed to mentally switch gears and recommit to her.
And right now, his body ached for release and she felt good in his arms. He palmed her ass and rubbed his achingly hard cock against her softness.
He didn’t need to analyze the obvious reasons why he hadn’t made the time for this kind of intimacy before now.
But he couldn’t hold on to Brooke and have Kristi and look at himself in the mirror later, so he pushed all thoughts of Brooke out of his mind and concentrated on the woman in his arms as he kissed her, clamped both hands on her ass, and squeezed, making her moan.
Kristi was here. She was his life now.
He’d made his choice, even after it had been made for him. It took a while, but he’d finally settled into becoming Kristi’s husband.
It took the better part of the last two months to get there. Despite his rigorous work schedule, the ranch, and his sour moods, they’d actually grown closer. Their routine and interactions went back to the way things had been before Christmas. He still enjoyed her company. Though they were still struggling to find their balance again. She still hated his work schedule. He couldn’t seem to find enough hours in the day to meet all his obligations. She stopped arguing with him about it and seemed to accept this was how things were right now.
He promised her when the baby arrived, he’d take family leave and be here to help and support her. He didn’t expect her to do everything on her own. He wanted to be a hands-on dad.
The wedding got pushed out by a month, so he could take care of a few important cases. She hadn’t liked that at all, but her father had intervened, calming her down by saying they’d have more time for their honeymoon if Cody took care of the cases now. Exactly what Cody had said to her, but apparently it sounded better coming from Kirk.
For him, acceptance came slowly that Brooke couldn’t be a part of his future, but a very real, important, and precious part of his past.
Grief had overwhelmed him.
Once that waned to reluctant acceptance, it had been easier to be with Kristi and spend time with her without wishing she was someone else.
Most of the time.
Okay, not every second he was with her.
He slid one hand over her rump and pressed his fingers to her soft folds, rubbing her though her pants and underwear. He wanted skin. Heat. Mind-blowing fucking.
Brooke had stopped all contact with him. No late-night texts to check on him. No funny memes or jokes to make him smile. Not a single phone call, so he could hear her voice and know that she was okay.
Nothing but her absence. Silence.
After what he’d done…well, he deserved it.
But it was a constant ache in his heart and a deafening roar of silence in the back of his mind.
They’d never be the kind of friends they were before all this happened.
Except for in his dreams, he’d let her go.
It hurt. But it had to be done.
