“I know. It’s one of the reasons I love you the way I do.”
Her words sank deep into his heart. She’d never actually said she loved him. He just knew it by her actions. No one would ever love him the way she did.
Without another word, without him telling her he loved her, too, she slid out of the car without their usual kiss goodbye, retrieved her bags from the backseat, and walked to the bus with her bag rolling behind her, and her backpack on her back. She left her Christmas gifts, the ranch, and Cody behind, and it hurt like hell to know this might be the last time he ever saw her.
He watched her through the windshield as she stepped onto the bus. The last things he saw were her lovely legs.
Her words rang in his ears.
She still loved him, but she was leaving because he couldn’t act on his love. He had to bury that deep. He had a child to think about, and she loved him enough to walk away.
He wanted to run to the bus and beg her to stay.
He wanted to keep her and take care of Kristi and his baby, too.
That was the kind of asshole he was.
He sat in his car with the engine idling until the bus pulled away. He watched it go down the street and turn the corner. He stayed there until the bus was out of sight and the tightness in his chest subsided and the unshed tears in his eyes cleared.
He missed her desperately. She’d taken a piece of him with her. He’d spend the rest of his days feeling incomplete.
Cody drove home slowly, reluctantly. He took the turnoff down the dirt road and parked where he’d seen the truck the other day. He stepped out of the car and walked, not caring as the dew from the tall grass clung to his slacks and wet his legs up to his knees.
The creek’s song called to him. He followed the narrow path through the trees until they gave way to the water. He found the flat rock next to a huge oak. Brooke’s favorite spot. He sat down with his back against the tree and looked out over the water as it rushed by. This was as close as he’d get to Brooke again. Everything inside him told him she wasn’t coming back. It had been in her eyes and the way she’d said she loved him.
He sat for more than an hour, knowing Kristi was at the house, waiting for him to come home and go over the guest list. He couldn’t muster up the energy to decide if her third cousin on her mother’s side, who’d married her uncle’s best friend and caused a scandal, should be invited. He didn’t care if her great-aunt Beth couldn’t sit with her cousin Monica because of the fruitcake with nuts, or was it without, incident three years ago. He didn’t care about any of it. He wanted her to send the invitations, make the arrangements, and tell him when to show up.
In fact, that’s what he was going to tell her. As far as he was concerned, she could have the wedding of her dreams. She didn’t need him to help her plan it.
Unable to avoid his life and reality forever, he stood and took a moment to look out over the water.
Brooke had herself a pretty spot. Peaceful. The birds chirped in the trees, the water rushed over the rocks and made a pleasant sound that smoothed out his rough edges as much as that was possible right now.
This was a spot you could sit with yourself and really think.
The only problem, he could only think of Brooke, memories of her flipping through his mind like a slideshow.
Here, he could sit in the quiet and be with her.
He’d come back.
Maybe he’d find a way not to make this his permanent home.
Turning to leave, his gaze locked on the tree behind the rock he’d been sitting on. Carved into the bark were his and Brooke’s initials. CJ + BB. Cody Jansen plus Brooke Banks. His initials were over hers and he wondered how long ago she’d carved them into the tree with a heart around them. It was the freshly carved teardrop coming out of the heart that hurt the most. He knew she’d done it days ago. He wondered if her heart was crying, or bleeding. Maybe, probably, both. He traced his finger over their initials. Then, he took out his keys and carved his own message to her.
FF. Friends Forever.
Chapter Twenty-Three
He loved having Brooke back at school where he could see her and show her how much he cared. How much he wanted her. He hoped she liked today’s gift.
He balanced Brooke’s box of donuts in his hands and made his way up the stairs to the third floor. He checked the corridor, grateful the hall was empty. He didn’t have to explain his presence or worry about anyone seeing him deliver his present. He’d left her several others, hoping she appreciated all the effort he put into the secret admirer routine.
He’d never had a girlfriend.
He had bungled several false starts with girls in high school when he was too shy to truly pursue them and ended up in the friend zone because he didn’t go in for the kiss, or missed some other opportunity to make it clear he wanted more. Once that happened, the girls looked for someone else who liked them and wanted to fool around.
From the outside watching others with girls, they seemed easy.
