Holy shit. My frozen heart stuttered and then kicked off like a stampede.
“I’m falling in love with you,” I whispered. My voice was a ghost, with hardly enough substance to hear, but he caught it.
His smile was slow like a cresting sun breaking through morning fog. “Just figuring that out, are you?”
I stared in silent shock. Panic. Fear. Realizing what I felt and what I just admitted out loud. A very big freak-out was building, and there would be no way to stop it once it arrived. How had I let this happen?
“Would it make you feel better if I still pretended not to know?”
That snapped me out of it. “Still? What do you mean still?”
He laughed, full and open, and the sound eased some of the stricture around my heart. I wasn’t sure this was a laughing matter but seeing him do anything besides gasp for air was a massive improvement.
“I’ve known about your feelings for some time now,” he admitted, his chuckle gentle. Pleased. “You’re the one who’s beenhiding from them. You didn’t do a very good job of burying them from me, though.”
I scowled. “Well, sorry that I’m not as good assome peopleat blocking my side of the bond.”
He laughed again, and I blushed. There was a whirlwind of emotions inside me, spiraling so swiftly I couldn’t get a lock on what exactly I felt. Embarrassment rose to the top. This whole time I’d fought against the idea of us, and Kaiden knew all along that it was a farce. He must think I’m an idiot.
“Here.” He grasped my hand. “I’ll make it even.”
The door to his side of the bond opened wide and out flooded every thought, every feeling he’d ever had for me. Excitement. Frustration. Arousal. Irritation. Amusement.Love. Tears flooded my eyes until Kaiden blurred in front of me. This entire time, he trusted I’d find my way. All the hurt he’d hidden at my denials and unfounded anger toward him. My mistrust cut him to the core. My smiles he coveted like a personal treasure. Helikedpissing me off. He let me see it all, pushing some memories through as well for good measure.
My chin wobbled. “Why didn’t you tell me?” How did he keep this locked up?
“Because you weren’t ready to hear it.” He smiled again, a small one. “And you never would have believed me. You’d have thought it was a trick to get you to bond.”
He was right. I wouldn’t have seen it for anything but manipulation on his part. Even now, I had a hard time trusting all that he showed me, so deep was my fear of bonding. Feelings aside, the thought of allowing that level of control over me still made me wary. Kaiden was so much better at this bond thing than I was already, what would happen once he had wide open access to me?
I shook my head. That was the fear talking. Kaiden hadalready proven beyond doubt that he wouldn’t hurt me. Why couldn’t I trust that and just be happy?
“Easy,” he hummed, cupping my cheeks once more. “Nothing has to change. Calm down.”
“I’m sorry. I trust you; I do. I swear. It’s just—”
“You don’t trust yourself,” he finished for me. “I can’t begin to understand what you’ve been through or why the idea of our bond makes you feel like that, but I’m here, okay? I’ll be here as you figure it out.”
I released a shaky breath. Took in another, and let it go as well. Kaiden wrapped an arm around me and drew me close, tucking me into his uninjured side and laying us down. The bond hummed, and he pushed gentle waves of calm down the connection. His fingers trailed lightly over the skin of my arm. Up and down.
The door remained cracked, allowing me to still feel him but not be overwhelmed. Slowly, I relaxed and stepped away from the ledge of panic. Exhaustion rose and hooked into my mind with a finality. There was a long sleep on the horizon—for both of us. Hopefully, the danger that seemed to follow us needed a break as well because we would be beyond vulnerable otherwise.
Before going under, one thought wormed its way past my lips.
“Seriously, how long was that knife under your pillow?”
twenty-four
Kaiden
We tried to let things get back to normal. Easier said than done after nearly dying, but there was really no other option. I wasn’t lying when I told Eryn I wanted to help her follow her dreams. I meant every word I said when I promised to protect her while she finished school and became a veterinarian. Things were far more complicated now, but it was what it was.
To change course now would only sever any connection we’d painstakingly built. Locking her up inside my family’s compound, even for her own protection, would slowly kill her. I was sure of it. Along with any chance of an us. And so, days at the university continued on while we recovered. Teachers didn’t care about trivial excuses after a week of missed classes, despite me being a TA, so Eryn had no choice but to return.
“Rani is beyond suspicious that we keep disappearing.” Eryn paced a worn track in the cobblestones outside her lecture hall. “You should have seen the look she gave me when I told her we had the flu. She didn’t buy it, which is why I had to agree to thissleepover tonight to throw her off. What are the chances she actually lets me study instead of grilling me? And that’s another thing! Finals are onlyweeksaway!”
I stepped in front of her, arms braced against her shoulders to make her stop. She would make herself sick worrying like this. Her anxiety levels had been at an all-time high since her personal revelations, her feelings an added strain to the current mess of our lives, and I was bound and determined to bring my happy bond back.
That started with her having a girls’ night with her friend. Ezra was working overtime making sure the campus was clear. We hadn’t heard nor seen any evidence that the djinn were in the area. There should be consequences for them using scent hounds, but with no proof, they were likely laying low and plotting their next move.
