“You want me to leave? Why? Am I not your wife? Or is it because I’m not good enough to be your wife? I cannot betrusted to—” She dropped her arms and looked back at the sideboard.
He recognized the moment understanding dawned, as she sucked in a breath before facing him. “Who else knows you’re here?”
He closed his eyes as if he could keep the hurt in her gaze from touching him. But she was already in his heart, like a forbidden jewel that he could never claim. It was hopeless, and to think he could keep any of it, any of her, was nothing more than a doomed man’s dreams.
He opened his eyes. “I told you. You must go. I cannot be held accountable if you stay.”
“You’re accountable for everything. Who brought you that food? Is that why the gamekeeper was here?”
He dug his fingers deeper into his palms as anger flared. “You’ve been watching me. So why ask? You already know it wasn’t Archer. Only Beacham and Mrs. Torbett provide for me. Archer just argues with me.”
“Beacham? Mrs. Torbett? They lied to me, too?” The pain in Ellie’s gaze sliced through his chest as she grasped her belly. “They know why you’re here, but not me! Not yourwife?” She was yelling now.
He wanted her to yell. He needed her angry, so she’d go away.
“You’re not the man I married. I don’t know who you are, and I don’t want to know. Not anymore.” She turned toward the door and opened it.
Even as she started to do what he’d asked, his heart constricted painfully and panic swept through him. “Wait, Ellie. I didn’t mean…” Didn’t mean that she should leave? Didn’t mean to betray her trust?
She looked back and scowled at him before running down the path, leaving the door open to the cold, dark night.
Her expression broke him. So much pain and anger and disbelief in her eyes.
He stood frozen to the spot, unable to move, his heart cracking. He couldn’t lose her, no matter what he’d done. If he lost her, there was no reason to continue his struggle.
He ran out the door. “Wait! Ellie! Ellie!” A pain sliced through his chest, making it impossible to breathe.I love you.He bent over trying to fill his lungs. As soon as air returned, he straightened. He had to catch her.
No, he’d make things worse. But she already thought the worst. He couldn’t even remember what he’d said, too anxious to get her to leave. And now that she was gone, he needed her back. “Ellie!” He started to run after her. She couldn’t be far. He had to explain. There was so much to explain. He needed her, but she had to know he wasn’t worthy of her. That he could never be the husband she hoped for. He had to—
“Umph!” His foot hit something on the path and he started to fall.
Someone grabbed his arm. “Here you go now. No time to be eating the dirt.”
Archer’s voice had him yanking his arm from the man’s grasp, barely staying upright in the process. “Let me go. I have to catch her.”
Archer grabbed his arm again. “Who are you yelling at?”
Darius rounded on the gamekeeper. “My wife!”
“All the more reason not to go after her.”
“Bloody hell! You don’t understand. She found me. She knows I lied and that others also know I hide away in my cave like the monster I am. I have to explain.”
“And what will you tell her? That you’re a madman, a monster? Or will you tell her that you hope to one day follow in your selfish uncle’s footsteps and make her a widow so she can marry another lord?”
At the thought of Ellie with another man, rage filled his gut. He pulled back his arm and punched Archer.
The man’s head whipped to the side, but when he turned back, he was smiling. “Always hoped you’d do that one day.”
That was the last thing Darius heard before darkness wiped away all thought, welcoming him to oblivion.
Chapter Eighteen
December 23
Ellie stood onthe steps waving as Rose and Georgie, in separate coaches, waved back until they were well down the drive. Luckily, she’d been able to explain away her weepiness at the fact that they were leaving, and by the time they were out the door,everyonewas crying, but assurances were made that they would gather again at the Twelfth Night ball. If only she’d never sent out the invitations.
She finally dropped her arm and turned back to enter the house, where Sophie waited in the entryway. “What?” She let Beacham have her cloak.
