Non, she would not accept such talk from her Anthony. “I am that same person,mon ami.Oui, a bit older and wiser, but no different inside. It is only the clothes that are different.” She touched her chest above the neckline of her dress. “It is still me. I’m still Lissa. Please do not treat me as a lady. You know more about my life than anyone here in England.” Which was true, except for her grandmother.
He shook his head, even as his gaze roamed over her once again. “That is difficult, but I will try. It is more than your clothing. This is a very different setting as well. We are not in the partially destroyed farmhouse where you lived because your family’s mansion had been gutted by fire. You do not have to steal for your dinner, and your grandmother isn’t out searching the dead for valuables she can trade.”
“No, it is an easy life we live now. Though I will tell you I much prefer the freedom of male clothing. I would do much for a new pair of pantaloons.” She smirked, as she had enjoyed being disguised even if it was to keep out of the hands of the soldiers. She looked far too young to be pressed into service like her father and older brother had.
He shook his head, clearly trying to remember how she looked back then. “It was a simpler time in France, when all that mattered was staying alive. I will honor our friendship and endeavor to treat you as the Lissa I first met, but you must understand, it’s not easy. You are much older and no longer a boy.”
She chuckled, beyond pleased to be conversing with him again. “My poor Anthony. I was never a boy, but a woman all along. But tell me, are you well? Her Grace told me you almost died.” She swatted his arm with the back of her hand as she oftenhad. It felt good to be on familiar terms with him again. “How dare you put yourself in such danger.”
He leaned away and lifted both hands up. “Peace. I didn’t know I was in danger. I was attending the wedding of Captain Blackmore.”
“Well, you should have known. You always know when danger is lurking.”
He grimaced and looked away as if embarrassed. “Obviously, not always. The man who shot me came out of the wood as I rode to the church.” His gaze returned to hers. “But what of you? Are you enjoying your studies here?”
She looked over her shoulder to see the duchess reading the news sheets. “I suppose.” She faced him again. “The lessons are interesting. It’s the manners I do not like so much. That and the inactivity.”
“But the other students treat you well?” His voice had lowered as if the duchess could hear them, but his concern was clear.
That he did still care about his old friend warmed her heart. “They do. Do not worry. All the ladies are very friendly. Lady Dorothea was my very good friend, and I miss her though she’s barely been gone a fortnight, but Lady Eleanor decided that she must step in as my confidante.” She wiggled her nose. “One does not naysay Lady Eleanor.”
“Then I’m very pleased you are here and everyone has taken you in. I know it can be difficult learning the ways of the peerage.”
She barely kept from wrinkling her nose again, a habit Ellie said would make her old before her time. Since she was already older than everyone thought, she had to overcome that urge. “It is, and that is why it is so good to see you. I have missed your company. I thought you avoided me purposely.”
“No, of course not. Please do not think so ill of me. I have been busy helping Lord Blackmore, and then the duke, and now Lord Harewood.” He leaned in and lowered his voice again. “It is quite interesting how little these high peers know about each other and those they do business with. It is as if they expect all will act honorably with them. They do not understand that everyone they encounter does not have the exact same background they do.”
She smiled knowingly and kept her voice low as well. “I see it among the ladies, too. That is why it is so refreshing to talk to you.” She lowered her brows. “And yet you have not come to visit me, but to see Dague. I am quite angry at you.” Folding her arms, she let her pique be known as she met his gaze with her own.
A flush ran up his neck. “Yes, I must humbly beg your forgiveness for not making time to visit you and see that you were well. Can you forgive me?”
She didn’t let her gaze waver, knowing how charming he could be, but he was here thanks to Dory, and he could be of great help to her. She continued thinking in silence, pleased that he grew uncomfortable, which proved how sincere he was for his neglect. “I suppose I must. But you must promise not to forget me again. You and Grand-maman are the only two people I can speak with freely. Do not make me wait so long to see you next time, or I will refuse you.”
He laid his hand over his chest. “I promise.”
Though she continued to study his face, she did not wish to hurt their friendship after so long a time apart. Finally, she nodded. “Very good. Now why do you need Dague?”
His brows lowered as he frowned. “Do you mean to say you are truly Dague?”
“Of course. Dague is French, is it not?”
He took a moment, probably to make the connection. “You mean you are known as ‘Dagger’?”
She set her hand upon his arm. “Only to the ladies here. Dory said I needed a nickname.”
“So she decided upon a weapon that is sharp and deadly?”
He was clearly insulted on her behalf. It was charming but hardly needed. She gave him a knowing smile. “But is that not me?” She lifted her hand from his arm and held it out in question. “Dory says I’m quick to understand. Ellie says my wit can kill an unwanted suitor in a trice. And Her Grace assures me my expertise in weaponry has opened her eyes to new knowledge.” She glanced over the settee to look at the duchess again before turning back to him. “To be truthful, I’ve learned far more from the books at my disposal since landing on England’s shore than from my use of the weapons available to me back home.”
“Do not underestimate your past skills, Lissa. They were of great value and served you in good stead. It is simply that now your extended knowledge through reading is of more value and more in concert with your new life here. You are in England now, with no war to threaten you. Did you not wish to study something else?”
She frowned that he could so easily dismiss her past. “You sound like everyone else here. I thought you, of anyone beside Grand-maman, would appreciate the skills I acquired at home. I am sorely disappointed. I had hoped you could still care for me as I was, and not as I’m made to be.” Why must her clothing determine her life? She wished she could go back in time, back to France, where she was simply the daughter of a lady’s maid and farmer. She looked down at her gloved hands, barely holding back the urge to whip them off.
*
Lissa’s words hita familiar chord in his heart. He’d spent his life being who he wished, doing what he wished, but much of his family simply dismissed him as unimportant. He couldn’t do that to her.
He held out his hand, palm up. “I do care for you as you are. I fear it is this dress you wear that has played with my perception. I will endeavor to remember the person within its confines and not be swayed by the appearance of you now.”
