This might anger her, but he had to be honest. “After I healed from my injuries, I made my way to Paris where I learned of your marriage. My heart broke. I drank heavily, not caring if I stumbled into the road to be run over by horse and carriage.”
She squeezed him hard, but didn’t say a word– typical Mariel.
“I’m ashamed to say I tried to drown my sorrows in women.” Though he felt her stiffen against him, she didn’t speak, so he continued. “That’s when I discovered I could no longer perform. Whenever I tried, the images and sounds of what I witnessed would overwhelm me and I couldn’t continue. To be honest, I never expected to have you in my life again, so I thought by not being able to procreate, the only person I would be disappointing was my mother.”
She finally lifted her head to look at him. “Did this event you witnessed involve a woman?”
She was far too intuitive, but he wouldn’t lie to her. “Yes. When you arrived at Ravenridge, I didn’t know what to think. I thought keeping you away was the best thing. But now I realize that you are the balm for my tortured mind. I should have known. Can you forgive me for keeping you away?”
She moved her hand from his chest to his face. “I can. I will.” Her gaze turned shy. “Does that mean you can marry me now?”
At her question, the final burden lifted from his shoulders and a euphoria he hadn’t felt since they were young filled him. “Yes!” He pulled her on top of him. “If you’ll still have me.”
“Oh, yes. Most definitely.” She kissed him, then lifted her head to gaze at him.
“Then we will post the banns this Sunday.” He briefly thought of attempting a special license, but he doubted he’d be successful. “No one need ever know that we were not betrothed in truth. I can now sign the marriage settlement your sister and father created.”
She leveraged herself up, sitting across his stomach. “So it really was just the fact that you couldn’t give me children that held you back?”
He grasped her waist, loving the view of her nakedness. “It was, though I was sorely tempted to marry you anyway.”
“Well then. I guess my seduction worked.” She wiggled in her delight, causing his already hardening staff to take notice of her rounded arse.
Quickly, he rolled her onto her back and further, so she lay facing away from him. Locking his arm around her waist, he threw one leg over hers, and braced his head with his other hand. “Yes, about that seduction.” Not that she’d truly seduced him so much as asked him to make love to her. “You promised to tell me about how you learned of the riding position.”
Her cheeks turned rosy in an instance. “I did promise, didn’t I.” Her hand intertwined with his at her waist. “My sister gave me a book calledThe Illustrated Pleasures of Seduction. I learned about many positions, but it was meant for a man to read, so it focused on what women liked.” She glanced up at him. “I had no idea there was so much to procreation.”
Even at the thought of her reading such a book, his erection pressed against her arse cheeks. “Your sister the artist?” If there were sketches, maybe she used them for intimate paintings, though he couldn’t see the talented Lady Sommerset doing so.
“Oh, no. Not Amelia. Joanna. She has a book on every subject there is.”
“The duchess?” Now he was truly shocked.
Mariel looked askance at him. “Yes, that would be Joanna. She is a teacher after all. She thought I knew most of what was in the book. I could never admit how ignorant I was as a widow.”
He definitely needed to see this book. “These illustrations must have been very detailed. You rode me like an expert.”
She looked down, her face reddening once again. “It is very detailed. It showed and explained every part of a man’s and woman’s bodies. I admit, there were things I didn’t know about mine.”
At her admission, he wanted to teach her even more. “And is this where you learned about a man’s ability toperformas you stated?”
“Oh, no. That was another book. After you told me you couldn’t have children, I went to our library at Craymore and looked in one of the medical books there. I thought not being able to have children was the woman’s problem. I didn’t dare ask Joanna, whom I sure would have known.”
“And that is where you found the answer.”
“I did. I actually found two answers, so I wondered which was your case. Both were possible since you had been injured in the war.”
Some of his contentment vanished at her statement. “What were the two possibilities for a man who could not father a child?”
“The first was that a man had been surgically made a eunuch or had some injury that made it impossible.”
His leg muscles tightened and an imaginary pain swept through his sac.
“The second was that a man could not complete the act in some fashion. There were three reasons given for that. They—”
“I think I’d prefer to be ignorant of what they were. I much prefer proving to you again that I can make you feel pleasure.” He moved his hand from her waist up to cup her breast, his thumb naturally brushing the hardening peak.
She sighed. “I like how you make me feel.” She pulled one leg out from under his, opening herself up.
