He moved away again, back toward the fountain, clearly upset.
She stepped closer, wanting to comfort, but not knowing what he needed. Since he faced the fountain, she sat on the edge to look at him. “Why did you mention your injuries when I asked about the marriage settlement?”
He didn’t look at her, his eyes focused on something else, perhaps in the past. “Your sister questioned why I was declared dead.” He glanced at her.
“She did not tell me that. She doesn’t know when not to pry.”
A slight sneer appeared, but he turned his head away. “She was right to ask the questions she did. Unfortunately, the answers have caused my nightmares of the…war to return. They are disturbing and have kept me up most hours of the night. I didn’t call on you to keep my ugliness away, but seeing you tonight…”
She held her breath, unsure what he would say.
For the longest time, he stared into the darkness, not moving. When he did move, it was to slowly rest his gaze on her, but not simply her eyes. His gaze roamed over her face as if memorizing it.
A chill ran up her spine. Why did she fear losing him when she didn’t truly have him?
Finally, he spoke. “Seeing you tonight, I have realized that staying away made it worse.” He lifted his foot onto the fountain next to her and cupped her chin. “You are the goodness I need to keep the ugliness at bay. I don’t know what I will do when we part.”
Anticipation filled her as she searched for the words she needed to tell him. Too impatient to phrase it politely, she blurted it out. “I don’t think I’m barren.”
He dropped his hand as a light chuckle floated through the air. “You don’t? Why is that?”
She’d been thinking about it for the last few days and she was quite positive she was correct. “My late husband and I were doing it incorrectly.”
He immediately sobered, his foot coming down to the stone pathway with a thud. “What do you mean?”
The tension radiating off him didn’t make sense to her. It was as if he were horrified and furious at the same time. It was supposed to be good news. Maybe she wasn’t explaining it properly, though how to talk about such a subject appropriately was a bit beyond her knowledge. “I mean that the way we procreated was not the way it’s supposed to be done.”
Instead of relaxing him, his body seemed to stiffen more and his gaze became piercing. “Did he force you?”
“Force me? No, of course not. It was my duty. But we didn’t…” Heat filled her cheeks and she was thankful for the cover of darkness. “We didn’t kiss or undress.” Now she felt like sinking into the fountain water, but that was not possible.
Marcus sat down next to her and took her gloved hand. “So you didn’t make love. You believe that’s why you didn’t produce a child.”
She nodded with relief. Hedidunderstand.
Lifting her hand to his mouth, he kissed the back of her glove. “Mariel, I have always doubted your claim of barrenness, but while making love is the most enjoyable way to get with child, it is not required.”
She stared at him in shock. “You haven’t believed I’m barren? But I thought that’s why you cannot marry me because you need an heir.”
It was his turn to be surprised, his hand squeezing hers in response. “Not at all. It is because I believe you can still have children that I can’t marry you.”
Completely confused and not a little irritated, she pulled her hand from his and stood, pleased she could look down on him for once. “Then sir, instead of leaving me to conjure up yet another excuse, tell me why it is that we can’t marry if I can give you an heir.”
His shoulders fell and instead of looking at her, he spoke to the ground. “It’s because I cannot give you children.”
She froze, the truth filling in the missing pieces. He wanted her to have the family he knew she always wanted and because he couldn’t give it to her, he would not marry her? For him to make such a sacrifice meant he loved her more than she knew.
Sinking down on the edge of the stone basin next to him, she took his closest hand in both of hers. “Marcus, I have always wanted a family, but I have always wanted you more.”
His gaze lifted to meet hers. “But I could not live with myself knowing I took you away from motherhood. That would be far too selfish of me.”
Her heart squeezed and her eyes stung with tears. “But I don’t want to lose you. I may never have children anyway. I am old already and my heart has always been yours.”
Instead of answering her, he brushed his lips across hers. “We best get you back to the ballroom.”
“But—” His finger on her lips silenced her.
“You may be a widow, but your reputation is still important. I promise to call upon you in two days’ time.” He rose, taking her hand and encouraging her to stand.
