“I understand. A man who cannot manage his family’s wealth is not very stable. Thank the lord we have Joanna.”
“No, I think it was his father who didn’t do it well. He said he’d paid all the debt, but that this weather has caused his tenants hardship.”
“Oh, yes. I heard the duke mention something about that. So you think he could manage his family’s wealth?”
“Of course. That is not the issue.” She stood again, the buzzing in her belly starting. “It’s that he purposefully kept it from me because he knew I wouldn’t want to marry him if he needed my dowry.”
Her mother nodded as she poured more tea into her cup and took a sip. “I understand now. You are afraid that he will always withhold information from you that you wouldn’t like, such as if he took a mistress. I told your father that if he ever intended to take another woman to his bed that I wouldn’t marry him.”
“A mistress? No, he already promised he wouldn’t.” His words in her studio floated through her mind.I would be loyal to you.At the reminder of his pledge, her heart started to ache again, deadening the buzzing in her stomach.
“Then is it that he’s cold? Does he expect and receive adoration from all women? He is quite handsome. I can see where that would make him quite unbearable.”
She shook her head, on the verge of tears. “No. He doesn’t think about his appearance at all. He’s warm and kind and even told me he loved me.”
Her mother’s teacup hit the saucer hard. “He said he loved you?”
“But only after he told me he needed my dowry, and I was appalled. How can I be sure he means it?”
Her mother rose and took her hands. “Amelia, what I’m hearing are excuses, not reasons. What truly keeps you from accepting this man?”
To admit the truth was to prove she was the least perfect daughter. But she’d never live up to Belinda’s quiet strength and caring, so it would be no surprise. Taking a deep breath, she looked into her mother’s eyes. “He seemed perfect and now this. I feel like a fool.”
Her mother chuckled. “You are not the only one to think like that. You don’t want to know what I said to your father when he explained what happened with our old solicitor. I had depended on him to take care of all of us, and he failed. I love him dearly, but his head is in the clouds even more than in his books.”
She clasped her hands. “But you were already married more than twenty years. You had no choice but to accept that. Besides, with Father it was only that one time.”
Her mother laughed this time, a full laugh that filled the room. “Oh, Ames, your father made more mistakes before we were married than he did things right. He was so far from perfect that I hadn’t even considered him as a husband.”
Not a little confused, she walked to the window of her mother’s bedroom, the view of Thornwood truly spectacular with the grounds behind the house laid out, her own studio in the middle past the gardens. But she didn’t truly see its beauty, her thoughts falling over each other. She turned to face her mother. “If Father wasn’t perfect, then why did you marry him?”
“Because he was perfect for me. More importantly, he loved me as much as I loved him.” She smiled softly. “Do you love him?”
“I don’t know. I feel like he betrayed me, but he didn’t. Not precisely. But he did keep the truth from me.”
Her mother shook her head. “You can’t expect anyone to be perfect like your paintings. We are all living, breathing flawed individuals, who will disappoint you on occasion. Everyone makes an error in judgment at some point or another.”
She’d made so many errors herself, she felt the fool for expecting anything more.
“If he’s willing to promise not to keep important information from you again, then he could make a good husband. I’ve always wanted my daughters to marry with their hearts. Just be sure you love him, and he loves you before committing to marriage.” Her mother frowned. “I do not want you to go through what Mariel did.”
“Do you mean with Lord Blackmore or Lord Beaumont?”
“Both.”
Not entirely sure she understood about her older sister, since she’d been too young when Mariel had fallen in love, and was so grateful that her sister had married Beaumont to save them that she had never delved too deeply into Mariel’s marriage. But she did understand that Mariel did not love George Walford, Marquess of Beaumont. And with Andrew, she didn’t even know how she felt about him. All she knew is she missed him.
Her mother studied her from across the room. “Would you marry him if given another chance?”
“To be truthful, I don’t think he’d accept me. We had made promises to each other. He kept his. I broke mine.” And that was something she needed to do something about at the very least. It might help the guilt she felt and help her figure out how she felt.
A new plan formed and she was anxious to get started. “Thank you, Mother. I think I must first fulfill part of my promise.” She strode across the room and kissed her mother on the cheek, then headed for the door.
“And then what?”
“I don’t know.” She closed the door behind her and headed downstairs. The first thing she needed to do is have a painting brought from her studio.
—
