“That was only the beginning though, right. I’ve known soldiers who were badly burned from grenades and IEDs. There’s skin grafts and surgeries and stuff.”
“Yes, and stuff.”
“How many weeks before they were done fixing you?”
“They had to do multiple grafts at different times. It took five months.”
“Shit.” She remained quiet and for that he was thankful. Just remembering the pain of the burns had his stomach rolling.
“Tell me. You don’t seem like a cocky man who makes rash decisions. Why did you stay to get that last tree down if no one’s life was in danger?”
“I guess you could say it was an emotional decision instead of one of the logical ones we’re all trained in. As we reached the staging site, I was waiting for the update when the people who lived in the small cluster of homes drove slowly by. Some of the vehicles looked like they wouldn’t make it to the next town. In one of them was a little girl with a blue stuffed animal. She looked at me, her eyes wide with fear as she sat on her mom’s lap. Her mother held her, tears streaming down her face.” It still amazed him how clear their images still were.
“They were sorry to leave their homes, but they must have been relieved to get out in time.”
Riley’s observation was the same he had. “That’s what I thought, until I saw the homes. These weren’t nice log cabins or fancy adobe homes. Once we got our orders, we drove by the small community of shacks. I have no other word for it. I understood then why the mother was in tears. Those shacks were all they had. The only thing standing between them and living on the street.”
Riley shifted again and her voice came from slight above him. “You wanted to save their homes.”
He nodded before remembering she couldn’t see him. “Yes. I was determined, and only one tree stood between myself and my goal, but I knew it was dangerous. It was why I sent my men back. I’m just glad the only person’s life I endangered was my own. The only person’s life I ruined was mine.” It had been a stupid decision, and he’d paid the price. He’d been trained better and didn’t deserve to be a firefighter, never mind a Hot Shot.
“Did it work?” Her voice was soft. “Were the homes saved?”
“I don’t know. I never asked. I never went back. They had the fire eighty percent contained when I woke up, but I was in my own hell. It didn’t matter anymore.”
“I’m sure it did to those families. What if they were able to go home because of what you did?”
He’d thought about that over the last few years. “And what if they didn’t. I would have ruined my life for nothing. I’d rather not know.”
“You keep saying you ruined your life.” Her voice was normal now. “You don’t seem ruined.”
He blinked. He lived with it for so long, he thought it was obvious to everyone. “You felt my chest. My leg, my ass, even my foot are nothing but a mess of scar tissue and skin grafts. Most of those coming from my inner thighs and back. No one wants to live with someone who looks like me.”
Riley snorted. “Seriously? You need a reality check. I can name seven men right off the top of my head that came home looking a lot worse than you do. Their wives just happy they were alive.”
“And what about the ones who had no wives to come home to? Have they met someone who can live with who they are now?”
To her credit, she didn’t answer right away. “I know three like that. Last time I saw them, one was engaged, one had a girlfriend and the third was still very single.”
“I guess I’m in the final third then.”
Her hand moved over his chest again, making him tense. “Have you actually ever let a woman see these scars.”
He swallowed. “Two women have. It was too much for them.”
Riley swore. “Bitches.”
His hand caught hers on his chest. “No, they weren’t. They were good women. They couldn’t help their reaction. No woman should have to look at this every morning.”
“Bullshit.” Her anger was burning so hot, she couldn’t seem to find any real words. Furious with the prisses who couldn’t see the heroic man beneath the scars, she pulled her phone from her pocket and turned the light on before he could react.
“Stop.”
“No.” She moved her hand out from under his and sat up, pulling the right side of his shirt with her.
He grabbed her hand with the phone, his own large one shutting out the light. “Don’t. You don’t need to see it.”
She jerked her hand out of his and shined the light on his chest. She let her eyes roam over every inch of patchworked skin. Was it pretty? No. He was right, it was a mess of scars and bumps. The skin wasn’t all the same skin tone either. It had to have hurt like the devil. He was lucky he hadn’t gone crazy from the pain.
