“Malcolm?” Her soft voice tore at his heart.
Laying her down as he sunk to the ground, he stared at the blood soaking her pretty silver dress, turning it a rusty brown. It was a fatal shot. Tearing his gaze from the sight, he looked Blair in her beautiful brown eyes. “It will be okay. We’ll get you to hospital. I already hear the ambulance siren.”
“I love you, Malcolm.”
“I know.Tha gaol agam ort, leannan. Just hold on.”
Her fingers foundhis and she squeezed. “I’ll always be your sweetheart now.”
He nodded, his throat too tight to say anything, but he didn’t have to. Blair’s eyes closed as she took her final, shuddering breath. His chest filled with pain as he lifted his face to the dark arched ceiling above and yelled out his anguish.
“Malcolm, where are you? Do you hear me?”
He didn’t understand why he could hear the femalevoice in his head. Blair’s lips didn’t move. She was dead because of him.
“Malcolm.” The hand on his shoulder squeezed, and he looked up to find a woman with auburn hair and exquisite upturned eyes. The scene behind her was a home with an old-fashioned Southwest American look.
He blinked. Schitz, he hadn’t had that strong a memory since he first transitioned.
“Malcolm, are you all right?” Joylooked at him with honest concern.
He waved his hand. “I’m fine.”
She squeezed his shoulder again. “You’re not fine. You were in some kind of trance.”
“It was just a memory.” He shrugged to dislodge her hand, the comfort reminding him that nothing ever positive came from getting involved with a woman.Then why did you choose her as your partner?
He shook off his own question. Joy was thebest spirit guide there was, as simple as that. Plus, he needed to prove to her the future wasn’t as rosy as she hoped. Both were perfectly legitimate reasons.
She sat next to him on the couch. “Memory, my ass. You wouldn’t answer me for at least twenty-minutes of living time.”
He rubbed his forehead. “That wasn’t just a memory then.” Which meant he was being manipulated and he didn’t like it.The last thing he needed was to feel that way again. Last time, he’d been manipulated, it had sent him into a tailspin that eventually ended in his own death.
Someone wanted him to remember the night Blair was killed. The question was how was he supposed to react to it. The feelings churning in his gut had nothing to do with the case, at least he hoped not.
Joy shook her head. “What was thememory? It must be important to our assignment.” Her gaze held fear, not that much different from Blair’s.
He stood and walked to the short, stone fireplace to look down at the cold hearth. What was he supposed to share? He didn’t want to share any of it. No one in the spirit realm knew about his past while alive.
Cameron did. And probably his superiors. The more he thought about it, the moreconvinced he was that the higher-ups were pulling the strings, which meant he had to reveal the truth to Joy.
Every fiber of his being rebelled, but he also didn’t want to lose his job. He’d never admit it to anyone, but his job made him feel like he was making a difference, even more than what he’d done after resigning his post as a Watchman.
“Malcolm, if it will make you feel better, I promisenot to share anything with anyone…that is, if we succeed.” Joy tucked a stray hair behind her ear, another behavior to watch on her. She may appear all together, but there were clues to the woman inside and she wasn’t as sure they’d be successful as she pretended to be.
He leaned his elbow on the mantle. “The memory that flooded my mind was of the one woman I loved being shot and killed by acriminal. She died in my arms. I’m assuming I’m supposed to have some kind of emotional response to that, but it was so long ago.” He couldn’t quite bring himself to reveal the pain of having that old wound reopened and the self-doubt and guilt that permeated his psyche because of it.
Joy thankfully remained quiet, not offering any platitudes. He would have expected a bus load of sympathy ora polite recognition of his loss. That neither came gratified and disappointed him.
Finally, she looked at him. “No doubt the impending death of Thea sparked the memory, but I can’t help but wonder at the connection to you. Could it have to do with your inability to prevent the death? Maybe it’s a warning to allow Holly to interfere.”
He raised his lip in disgust. “I’d agree, but the relationshipis wrong. Holly doesn’t even know Thea. Blair was my consummate.”
The sympathy his pathetic soul needed finally showed in Joy’s eyes. “Consummate? Is that a future word for wife?”
It was far more than that, but close enough. He nodded.
“I’m so sorry. That had to be devastating.” Something in the tone of her voice had him studying her.
