Feeling the inadequacy of my own magic compared to Myron’s, my mind seemed to silently pass over the mantle of responsibility to him, only for my body to succumb to bone-deep exhaustion.
“Caius,” I said, bringing everyone’s attention to me. “Can you please take me to my residence?”
“Of course,” he said, barely masking his surprise.
I stood on wobbly legs and leaned over to whisper in Tarrin’s ear. “You better be alive when I come back.” Brushing my fingers through his hair one last time, I walked in stride with Caius to the hallway where we could valen me back.
Once we stood at the colorful archway of my residence, Caius silently walked me to the doors, sat me down on the large sofa, poured me a glass of water, and sat in an adjacent chair. Leaning back, he crossed a leg over his knee, though not in expectation. No, he was making himself comfortable while letting me know he’d stay as long as I needed.
Numbly, I pulled my legs up underneath me and sank into the sofa, bringing the water to my lips. The sweetness of it tickled my senses, and a half-smile played on my lips.
“The Summer Court has the best water,” I mused.
He smirkedas if knowing it too.
I took another gulp, finding the strength to ask the burning question in the room. “How did Myron take the news about me?”
He took a breath. “Not great.”
I raised a brow. “But he came.”
“He would only agree if I told him everything. That’s what took so long.”
“I’m sorry. I know you did it for me, not Tarrin. That you don’t understand why I’d want to save him.”
“I never said that,” he said with a bit of a bite. “I might not understand your bond, but that doesn’t mean I can’t respect you for wanting to save him.”
Putting down the glass, I leaned back again and rubbed my temples. “I’m so tired, Caius. So, so tired.”
“Today was a hard day.”
“It’s not just today.” I shook my head slowly, looking past him to the lake. “Every time I think I’ve found my footing, my world is rocked, and it feels like the cabin all over again.”
His brows furrowed. “I don’t get your meaning.”
Sighing, I said, “After I found my parents’ bodies, I stepped out of the dank cabin into the beautiful spring day, full of light and color. But I remember thinkingthatwas the dream; like horrors behind me were the truth. That’s how this feels. Like all the beauty and peace I find are falsehoods, a fantasy. I’m afraid, Caius… I’m afraid that one day I’ll no longer be able to see the beauty because I’ll never wake up from the nightmares. The ones that relentlessly hunt me down. It’s exhausting.”
I sighed again and wiped a rogue tear away as I propped my elbow on the high armrest and placed my chin atop it, looking to the summer fae. “I don’t know if that makes sense,” I breathed. “Everything is just so fucked up.”
Caius drummed his thumb on his leg, mulling over what I’d said, and I got lost in the movement.
Eventually he stopped and caught my focus with his. “I’ve been blessed by the stars to walk Lumnara for over five centuries, Nyleeria.Recently, I’ve been pondering what draws others to you—what drewmeto you since the first moment we met. But the truth is, I don’t think it has anything to do with the spark; in fact, I suspect that even if you weren’t the spark you would have had the same effect on all of us. I’d say you’re strong, but I’ve met many who are strong, and it’s not even close to the same. No, it’s not that.” He shook his head as if dismissing the thought for himself.
“I think it’s your resiliency. Despite everything you’ve been through, you still laugh, love, hope, play, explore, fight, and remain curious. I’ve lain in bed at night wondering why you were born human. Why you’re being put through all of this. But as I get to see you, get to know you, I think your compassion for others is what made you resilient. Most importantly, you haven’t hardened, as evidenced by how hard you fought for Tarrin. You are kind, loving, and fierce. You fight for what’s right, and you don’t step down or walk away—no matter how terrified you are or what it might cost you. I don’t think it’s a matter of your nightmares coming to claim you. I think in order to hold the weight of the burdens that have been laid at your feet, you allow yourself those pockets of wonderment because you know about the evils in this world—because you know how precious those moments are. I think you being who you are is the only reason you see the beauty you do. I’m not sure there is anyone else who could hold the burdens you do with as much grace as you have. And if I’m being honest, I don’t question for a second why you were chosen to be the spark. Not for a second.”
Heart now fully lodged in my throat, I couldn’t find words to respond. Stars, howdidone even respond to that? Maybe he was right and my compassion was proof of my resilience. Then again, hadn’t that same compassion made me want to help Thaddeus at all costs? I wondered then if all qualities that make us who we are have the ability to either fortify who we are or reduce us to rubble.
I chewed on the notion until my lids became so leaden that I finally slipped into the realm of dreams.
It took me a moment to orient myself as I blinked away the haze,trying to rouse myself. I was still on the sofa, though someone had draped a blanket over me. Slowly sitting upright, I yawned loudly as I stretched, realizing Fiora now sat where Caius had last night.
She offered me a kind smile. “Good morning, sweet girl. How are you feeling?”
I rolled my neck and wrists, then stretched my entire body once more. It was weird, I didn’t feel great, but I didn’t feel as bad as I knew I would have without my fae body.
Focusing on Fiora, I said, “I’m good enough, I suppose. Were you here all night?”
“No, I relieved Caius a few hours after you left.”
