Hollowed cheeks.
I pulled the fabric of my cardigan tight across my body, needing to hide the sharp protrusion of my collarbones.
Unable to bear the sight of myself, I looked away.
“I’ve seen enough,” I said, my voice as fragile as my body.
Artton’s sad gaze fixed on mine as he lifted me with ease and walked back to the room. When it was clear he wanted to bring me back to the bed, I said, “Can you take me to him?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Spark, but no. The closer you are to Endymion, the faster you decline.”
“Please?” I croaked, feeling as if my heart might stop beating.
He shook his head again but changed course to the living room. “I’m on orders. Why don’t I get you set up in here and let Caius know you’re awake?” Carefully, he set me down on the sofa, pulling overpillows to ensure my comfort before placing a heavier blanket over me. “You can ask Caius then, okay?”
Not entirely sure how to feel, I nodded.
“I won’t be long,” Artton said, then went to leave.
“Artton?”
He spun on his heel, deep worry written all over his features. “What is it?”
“Kaelun,” I said, forced to swallow the lump in my throat before continuing. “His ashes… Did they…” An unbidden tear slipped down the side of my face.
Worry shifted to anguish, which softened before he spoke. “Yes.” His voice was thick, and I could tell it cost him to keep his composure. “You have no idea the mercy you offered his family with that request.”
Lip now quavering, tears cascaded down as I closed my eyes against the pain. “No,” I said, then found his gaze. “The only thing I offered them is pain. His death on my head.”
Artton’s eyes turned murderous as his long strides ate up the distance between us. “Don’t you dare say that again. Wymond is the only one who bears the weight of Kaelun’s death, and I won’t tolerate anyone taking that burden on themselves—least of all you—do you hear me, Nyleeria?”
I reared back slightly from the use of my name. I searched his eyes for a different truth, for anger at me for Kaelun’s death—but there wasn’t any to be found. As if knowing what I sought, he let out a deep sigh, then knelt. Looking up at me, he said, “I won’t lie to you, Spark—a part of me will always blame myself for not being able to protect him when he needed it most. We will all carry this in our hearts until the day we die. But not being able to stop what happened is not the same as being the one responsible. Do you understand?”
They were wise words, though I wasn’t entirely certain I knew how to follow them. Reaching out, I slid my hand in his and squeezed. “It just got so fucked up so quickly, Artton.”
He nodded. “I know. Gods, I know. I’d give anything to go back and make different decisions. But I can’t. What matters right now is figuring out how to help you and Endymion—because I’m not sure any of us could survive another loss.”
Mustering a weak smile, I reluctantly released his hand, freeing him to grab Caius.
The moment the door clicked closed, I leaned back and rested my head against the pillows. No sooner had I acknowledged how utterly drained I was than exhaustion pulled me under.
Chapter 66
True Origins
The disorientation was tenfold as I stood in the pitch black with only the slow drip, drip, dripping that came from a short distance—though from what direction I couldn’t tell.
Starting to lose perspective on what was real and what wasn’t, I brought a hand up to my collarbone, hesitating for a moment before gliding my fingers along it. The soft, healthy flesh confirmed that this wasn’t my waking life.
No, I was in Endymion’s prison of dreams again.
I could sense his essence permeating the blinding darkness that enveloped me. I took in a deep breath. Focusing, I tried to pinpoint where the dripping was coming from, but every time I took a step toward it, it stopped, then started up from a different place as if it were hiding from me.
No. Not it. Him.
It was as if Endymion didn’t want me to see whatever memory was contained there.
Undeterred, I decided to ignore the sound and follow my instincts instead, like I’d done when I’d found Thaddeus’ lost pen.Even though I couldn’t see, I closed my eyes and focused on Endymion. His smile. His scent. His embrace.
