My mind raced to find a way to reach him. To let him know that it was actually me. To bring him back from whatever hell had claimed his mind. Countless ideas came to me, only to be discarded. Whatever I said or did, it had to be something he wouldn’t know; or he might continue to believe I’m a figment.
Shoulders now drooping, Endymion began to step away.
“I hate the scent of lilacs,” I burst out. He didn’t turn back, but he halted. “It’s probably the only thing my father and I had in common. They’re too sweet, and they were everywhere in Thaddeus’ gardens. I can’t even remember now if I hated them before then or not.” His posture seemed to lift a little higher, so I continued. “Mrs. Erikson was my surrogate family. A retired governess who taught me almost everything I know—including how family should love one another.”
He turned to face me then, eyes still wary.
“A village boy named Eithan taught me how to throw, but only because I made a bargain to teach him how to read and write.”
The side of Endymion’s mouth quirked up in amusement as he slowly came back to me.
“He was my first in many ways, but I never loved him—not in a way that I now understand matters to you. And I never loved Thaddeus.” I swallowed, the air feeling thick around me as I found the courage to say my next truth. “I don’t know what it means to love in that way, Endymion, and the more I think about your declaration, the more terrified I am.”
Tears began to well in my eyes, and he stepped as close as he dared, his depthless azure gaze holding me captive, and I knew he finally sawme; understood that I was really there. Needing to say the rest of what plagued my thoughts, I continued. “I’m scared,” I whispered. “I’m scared of this kintorian bond between us. I can’t deny it.” I shook my head, tears escaping down my cheeks, and I could tell it took every ounce of restraint he had to stay where he was—deadly barrier be damned.
I took in a breath, willing my heart to slow before I continued. “The Fates have already stolen so many choices from me, and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t angry at them for taking this one too.”
He didn’t say a word, just continued to look down at me with kindness. Compassion. And something deeper that I refused to name. “I,” my voice croaked as I tried to dislodge the words, “I’m not sure I know how to let you…” Again. I couldn’t say the one word that hang heavy between us.
A knowing, playful smirk brightened his features. Voice gruff, he said, “Then, my kintora, it’s a good thing we have eternity for you to learn.”
A weak laugh escaped me. “I guess it is.”
Quirking a brow, he said, “Unless you plan to stab yourself with daggers I gift you, that is.” His tone was light, but I could sense the deep hurt beneath the words.
Wanting to keep things light, I said, “I suppose that depends.”
He gave me a devilish grin. “On…”
“If I can stand you for eternity.”
He laughed in earnest before intensity filled his eyes. “Little Star, if you tire of me, then you have my permission to use it on my heart instead; there is no life living if you are not in it.”
My breath hitched, and a confusing mixture of warmth and fear whirled in my chest. Unable to stay with him in that moment, I took a small step back, and a knowing look crossed his features.
Deftly changing the subject, he said, “Where are we?”
I looked around at the void which now seemed to hold more luster than it had when I first arrived. It took a moment to clear my head from the fog of his words to recall what was real.
“After I…” I stuttered, deciding to jump past the wordsstabbed myself. “Came to, everything was frozen in time.”
“The others?” he asked after our companions.
“Gone. Though I can only pray they’re safe in the Summer Court.”
“And me?”
“I’m not really sure,” I said, then glanced down at my wrist, where the bargain had marked my flesh, and now his. “You weren’t suspended in time like the rest of the court, but you’re…”
“Unconscious,” he offered.
I nodded.
“How long has it been?”
“It’s really hard to say without the sun as a marker.”
His brows furrowed as if displeased by this information. “If you had to guess?” he prodded.
