Artton’s jaw worked as if swallowing the words he wanted to say before answering me “You took over the vision somehow, and because you hadn’t plucked what memories you wanted to share as the anchor and host of the vision, the shared memories triggered each successive memory, pulling us through them faster than Myron could rip us out.”
“Until the first one started again… in slow motion.”
The commander’s look was grave as he nodded his confirmation. “He was finally able to disentangle us from the vision, only he couldn’t get a strong enough hold on you before he pulled out completely, trapping you inside. When we all came to, you were on the ground shrouded in a shield. No matter what we tried, we couldn’t get past it. You were…” He swallowed. “You were screaming for it to stop. Thrashing. You…”
I looked away from him, unable to see the swirling emotions the memory conjured for him. “I couldn’t get out,” I whispered. “I must have relived that moment a thousand times.”
“I know.”
His words sat heavy between us for a long moment before I asked, “How did Myron get me out?”
Artton paused long enough that I looked up at him again to find him frowning. “He didn’t,” he said, shaking his head. “There was nothing we could do except wait it out. Kaelun informed us that either your body would give out from exhaustion, or you’d tap your powers. Either way, those were the only two options.”
“Which came first?” I asked, the choked words holding more emotion than I’d intended.
“Your body. It couldn’t sustain the emotional torture, which meant it couldn’t harness enough power to maintain the vision and your shield.”
“How long did it take?”
He winced but didn’t answer.
“How long, Artton?”
“Seventeen hours.”
A tear fell down my check, followed by another, until they were in free fall, and I did nothing to wipe them away. I became disembodied as that truth sunk in. “Seventeen hours,” I heard myself whispering. I wasn’t even sure why I was surprised. Seventeen hours. Seventeen minutes. Seventeen lifetimes. What did it matter when it had felt like an eternity?
“How much of my life did you see?” I croaked, not feeling the tears soak through my top.
Deep concern etched his features again as he took me in, eyes tracking the tears rolling down my face.
“Artton.” His name on my lips was so quiet it would have been silent to human ears.
“Honestly,” he said in a low, comforting tone, “if I had to guess, I’d say every formative memory you have.”
I gasped, the sound swallowed by the massive room. I wished then that I’d never agreed to show them in the first place. Eithan and Mrs. E were no longer shrouded by my silence. My mind raced, pulling up the tiniest fragments of memories, knowing that everyone that flashed before my mind was no longer mine alone, and although I’d agreed—fucken stepped into it to save them—it was a violation that went deeper than anything else I’d experienced before.
“Everything,” I said into my hands before lowering them to my chest as if I could stop my heart from shattering. Artton’s eyes tracked mine with a pained expression, like he’d give anything to step into my thoughts for me. Only, he already had. They all had.
“Please leave me,” I said, voice low.
“Spar—”
And like a spent bowstring, my sanity snapped.
“Leave,” I screamed, slamming a palm on the ground.
He hesitated as I sucked in ragged breaths, and just before I was about to lose a grip on the tenuous threads of my composure, his footsteps echoed away until he’d reached the veranda. I turned my head in his direction just in time to see him wink out of existence.
And then, I fell apart.
Chapter 31
Elemental Secrets
Eventually, I peeled myself off the floor, wincing from the ache that seemed to permeate every cell of my body. Stiffly, I took one slow stilted step at a time toward my residence. I’d taken as many back channels as possible to avoid the hustle and bustle of the Summer Palace, but I inevitably passed those who bowed in reverence to me—the mystical, magical,save all of us, Spark. While I usually offered a polite smile and a nod, impassive was the best I could muster.
Back in my residence, I washed and changed into clothes that reminded me of Leighmullan. Essentially I looked like I was going for a ride—which I was completely uninterested in, evenifthat horse was Luca. No, I had a different plan in mind. Swiping my old rucksack from the back of a dining room chair, I threw my old daggers in it. Looking around, I grabbed a cloth and hastily wrapped the food Kai had left on the table for me and added it to the along with a light blanket and a change of clothes. The familiar weight of it now on my shoulders, I made my way to that damn see-through bridge.
