“You really had no idea how I felt about you, did you?” he said, kissing a tender spot on my shoulder.
“No.”
“You know, Nyleeria, for someone who’s so apt at reading others, you sure are daft when it comes to men lusting after you,” he teased.
“Is that what this is for you, lust?”
“No.” The deep, sober word made me pause.
“What about yourlovers onlyrule?” I asked, not meaning for the words to bite.
“Is that what you think of me? That I show affection toward any woman who passes by?” His words were cold, accusing.
I turned to face him. “Honestly, I just thought you were being kind. Making sure the object of your lifelongquestwas happy and healthy,” I spat. Hurt crossed his features. Too far, I’d gone too far. Stars, where had that anger even come from?
“Do you have any idea how much I’ve tried to resist you, Nyleeria? How I’ve tried to convince myself that my feelings were just a product of proximity? Forcenturies”—he emphasized the word, drawing it out—“I kept my distance, keeping everyone out. Yet, somehow, you bypassed every defense I’d built without me even realizing it. It only hit me when I came close to losing you and was sitting by your side, begging every deity I know to keep you alive, to keep you with me. I’ve known heartbreak, the agony of losing family. I promised myself I’d never experience that pain again. Yet here you are—the woman who has the spark, who stubbornly found her way to her death bed, who got attacked by a high lord, for fuck’s sake.” He swallowed, and it looked as if the memory slid down his spine. “Tonight made me realize I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you without truly having you. I just…” He trailed off, maybe not having the words, or perhaps hesitant to lay himself more bare than the nakedness on display.
“I’m sorry. I…”
My words caught on the truth I didn’t want to voice. I sighed. “I’m not good at letting people in either, Thaddeus. This is all new to me too.”
“Is it?” he challenged.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re only twenty and one years old, and your maidenhood was not intact.” His words were cold and heavy with implication.
“And you know what, Thaddeus?”—I rose from the tub and stepped out, grabbing a towel—"It hasn’t been intact since I was sixteen, and it’s not like you were too concerned about my propriety before you found out; you would have gladly fucked me either way. So, is it my precious maidenhood you’re worried about, Thaddeus, or just the fact that you’ve had to share me? Gods know how many holes your cock has been in over the past five hundred years.”
Thaddeus stood to face me, and my rage surged before a mischievous glint flashed in his eyes, and a corner of his mouth twitched upward.
He chuckled.
“What?” I said, putting my hands on my hips.
“You have the dirtiest mouth and the most infuriatingly charming wile.”
Something about his laughter, that damn disarming smile of his, punctured my anger. Water cascaded down him as he stepped out of the tub and pulled me into his embrace. His lips found mine, and my towel became sodden as the kiss lingered.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “You’re right. I have no claim on your past.” Kissing me again, he swept me up into his arms.
We explored each other again, but this time was different than before—even from my experiences with Eithan. When he entered, there was a newfound tenderness, an intimacy that was absent previously. It was a level of connection I’d never felt before. Even my pleasure was transformed with a foreign sense of unity that was both novel and completely welcomed.
Later, I stirred when Thaddeus pulled me in tighter.
“I’m sorry for waking you,” he said in a whisper, “but the palace will stir soon, and I don’t think it’s wise for our chamber maids to know our private affairs.” He went to release me, and I groaned in protest, tilting up for another kiss before he left. He chuckled but obliged.
“We’ll see you at breakfast. Good night, Nyleeria,” he said and stole another kiss before he slipped out of bed.
The door made a soft click, and I could hear a muffled exchange between him and Nevander. I was glad it wasn’t Tarrin, or we’d likely have to suffer an inappropriate quip if he was on guard.
I wondered if it would be awkward between the four of us now. Likely not. I was sure the other two had met plenty of Thaddeus’ lovers over the years. I was surprised that the thought of him being with countless women didn’t bother me. With the pleasure he’d elicited tonight, a portion of me was grateful to them.
I rolled over to his side of the bed and laid my head on his pillow, breathing in the deep, familiar scent of him, before falling back asleep.
The frigid air that’d filled the room overnight bristled me awake. The windows were wide open, and I wondered why the servant hadn’t closed them, knowing how cold it got here at night. Then again, I wasn’t the most welcoming, so it was possible she didn’t want to disturb me further. I pulled the covers up over my head, wrapping myself in them as tightly as I could. My breath billowed, and I focused past its misty presence toward the hearth—the faded embers were no match for the chill.
Bracing myself, I summoned the courage to dart across the suite to shut the windows and wondered how much time had passed since Thaddeus had departed. It couldn’t have been too long, yet the biting cold suggested otherwise.
