Sighing, I placed my chin atop his head and traced the contours of his back in long, soothing strokes. “Me too, Eithan. Me too.”
With considerable effort, I eventually rolled off Eithan, and we lay side by side, getting lost in our own thoughts as we faced the cloudless sky.
“Ny?” Eithan said, breaking the silence first.
“Hmm?” I asked, cracking an eye open and watching as he propped himself up on an elbow to look down at me.
“Talk to me,” he urged in a soft, almost pleading voice.
I stiffened. It had only been a month since Eithan told me his father had arranged for him to marry the daughter of a wealthy merchant, and since the initial shock, we’d never talked about it.
Eithan’s father had always been silver-tongued and strategic, yet I couldn't piece together how he’d managed such a feat—and perhaps a part of me hoped the deal would crumble so I wouldn't have to confront it. Eithan was handsome, and his family hailed froma respectable lineage, or respectable enough, but he was undeniably marrying outside his class. The union would bring him and his family lands and riches beyond our wildest dreams. Unfortunately, those lands and riches were located far, far away.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say,” I finally said, feeling the weight of his golden-brown gaze upon me.
“Gods, Nyleeria. Anything,” he said, sitting up and running his hands through his hair—the telltale sign of his frustration.
I stilled. Eithan had never used my full name. Ever.
Heart pounding, I stood up and stared down at him. “Don’t you dare take that tone with me, Eithan Amaris.”
Eithan rose to his full, towering height, and I braced myself.
“You know what, Ny, it’s like you don’t give a damn that I’m leaving. I’ve been bartered like some sort of prized stallion to marry a stranger when I’m in lo?—”
“Stop,” I said, raising my palm outward. I couldn’t risk him sayingthatword, couldn’t risk going down the perilous road he wanted this conversation to take. “I…am not…the one…leaving. By the gods, Eithan, you act all shocked and shaken, as if you never saw this coming.Thiswas never going to happen,” I said, gesturing between us.
Eithan stepped back as if struck, and the hurt that shadowed his features sent a searing pang of guilt through me. I hadn’t intended for my words to cut, but they needed to be said—we couldn’t keep pretending.
Perhaps his feelings bordered on love, but allowing him to voice it felt like teetering on a precipice—a risk I was unwilling, or possibly unable, to take. Besides, love or not, my family’s financial standing made me an unsuitable maiden. It was acceptable for us to be friends and have our dalliances, but his parents wouldn’t abide by anything more serious. If Eithan were to press the issue, his parents would disown him, and we’d be forced to live in destitution. With our skills, we could manage, but it wasn’t a future to reach for, especially not when he had options.
Softening, I took his hands in mine and looked up at him. “Eithan, please don’t make me the reason you stay. I might be what you want now, but in ten, fifteen, twenty years from now, you’ll regret it. I know you will. Think of your family and your future children. Besides, I’m sure your fiancée will fall in love with you—she’d be blind if she didn’t.”
Eithan’s eyes darkened, and I understood then what he couldn’t express to me, and possibly to himself. His reluctance to leave wasn’t born out of a fear of the unknown, or of a burning desire to stick around, but out of concern for me, and perhaps a sense of duty to protect me.
Taking a half-step forward, I brushed a thumb across his stubbled cheek. “I’ll be okay,” I promised.
His eyes mined mine for the truth in my words, and I allowed him to burrow deep for what he sought. An invisible burden seemed to evaporate from his shoulders as he unearthed the assurance he needed—one I wasn’t entirely convinced existed.
After a few heartbeats, a familiar grin tugged the corners of his mouth as if to dispel the tension, and I couldn’t tell if things were truly settled within him or if he couldn’t bear us fighting before his departure. Either way, I was grateful.
He collected the gifted blade from the ground and handed it back to me, and a broad smile bloomed on his features as I wrapped my fingers around the custom hilt.
“Let’s go test that new dagger of yours, shall we?”
Chapter 2
Unlikely Bargains
In the beginning, training with Eithan was slow—almost laughably so in retrospect. Knots and letters were our currency, a simple trade of skills that anchored our tenuous relationship in mutual benefit. I’d never imagined the bargain we’d struck the day we met could serve as the kindling that would forge the deep and loving bond we shared.
At fifteen, I fled the cabin toward the timberline, seeking refuge in the shadowed forest. I’d never forget the ringing in my ears that’d replaced the sound of my mother’s hand connecting with the side of my face.
Time lost all meaning in my mindless escape as I followed a pull, as if the ancient trees themselves were beckoning me onward. It wasn’t until my feet started aching more than my heart that I stopped and allowed my daemons to catch me.
I found respite for my throbbing feet atop a fallen tree, and within heartbeats, my anger yielded to hurt in gulping, unhinged breaths.
Those stomach-clenching sobs subsided over time, leaving a hollow silence in their wake. There, enveloped in the stillness, withonly the sentinel trees to comfort me, I grappled with the remnants of my shattered illusions. Something within me had cracked, and the axis of my world had irrevocably shifted.
