I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, and if it were possible to hyperventilate in a vision, I would have.
My mind slipped to the day I’d met Thaddeus. What had I missed? How had I not seen this?
But they had told me that the fae had murdered my family and kidnapped my siblings. I ran through every conversation. No—they hadn’t. In fact, when I’d suggested Amos was behind it, they’d reacted as if they didn’t believe me. And, of course, they didn’t…because they already knew the truth. They’d never once lied to me about my siblings, but they had never told the truth either. No wonder we’d always put off searching for them. Never went after them. Why he had me focus on wielding my powers. To serve him. Whatheneeded.
I’ll do anything to protect my people, even if it makes me a monster.Thaddeus’ admission echoed in my mind. How had I been so stupid? So blind?
Thaddeus’ words pulled me back into the vision. “You don’t think I know that?” he spat. “You don’t think I regret it when she’s asleep in my arms? Every time she gives me that look, the one that makes me feel like I’m the only person in the world? When she moans my name and draws pleasure from me. Of course you fucken do. Until a few days ago, you felt it all too. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with her.Shewas never part of the plan, and now, with Wymond sniffing around… What the fuck was I supposed to do, Tarrin? I sure as hell can’t tell her now.”
“She might understand. You made the bargain with Wymond to protect her, keep her alive. She’ll forgive you for that.”
“Don’t be naive, Tarrin. You know better. I had the twins in stasis long before Wymond came along. You think she’ll forgive me for that? For having her parents killed? I had to enchant that damn necklace of hers just to keep her grief at bay, to get her to eat, to stop her from asking so many damned questions, to keep her from prying for details about her brother and sister.” I reached for the necklace, but it wasn’t around my neck. Either Ava hadn’t put it back on me, or it wasn’t present in this vision.
So, the necklace was the reason for all of it. Why page after page I’d burned through those two days were filled with guilt and shame at my lack of grief, of me not pushing harder to find Cassy and Leighton.
“So, now what? We just keep lying to her?”
“We’ve technically never lied to Nyleeria,” Thaddeus said, his voice calm.
“Don’t get pedantic with me.” I had to agree with Tarrin on this one; the technicality didn’t change a thing.
“I had thought about releasing the twins. They’d be none the wiser, but when we got back from the Summer Court and Wymond paid me a visit…” Anguish crossed Thaddeus’ features. “He knows she has the spark. It was her or them. You know this, Tarrin. I thought I’d be able to wield Nyleeria’s powers and get us out of this fucken mes?—”
“You’re never tapping into those powers again, you hear me?”
I waited for Thaddeus to push back, but he stayed silent.
Tarrin opened his mouth, but the vision faded, and I was back in the octagonal training room.
What will you do with the truth, child of everything, child of nothing?
I didn’t allow myself to feel what I’d just learned. Couldn’t afford to.
Three things were certain: One, I had to get out of there. Two, I needed to return to the cave to get my weapons. Three, nothing and no one could stop me from saving what remained of my family.
I looked down to find the pendant dangling from my neck as always. I ripped it off and let the chain fall to the ground. Holding the diamond in my fist, I sent every rage-filled thought and raw power its way. I opened my hand and tilted it, watching as the fine pink dust poured off the side of my palm and fluttered down to the ground, slowly covering the delicate chain. Instantly, the leaden cloak of grief nestled itself back on my shoulders.
I thought through what I needed to get to the Autumn Court, where Wymond was holding Cassy and Leighton. When I was done making my mental list, my powers stirred in a way I’d never felt before, and a rucksack appeared on the ground. A wave of urgency hit me, and I didn’t bother to check its contents, trusting that whatever I needed was in there. Atop was a set of riding gear similar to what I’d worn my first day here. Changing quickly, I sheathed my dagger and slid the rucksack on.
I didn’t look back as I quietly closed the veranda doors behind me.
Chapter 51
Ashes
Aplan crystallized with stark clarity: return to the cave for my weapons, then hasten to the Autumn Court. I’d work out the finer points on the fly. Securing a horse was paramount—I had to be swift to slip beyond Thaddeus’s reach before he noticed my absence. There’s no chance he’d let his precious spark slip through his fingers without a fight.
The smell of fresh hay filled my senses as I approached the stables. Voices sounded, and I hoped they were groomsmen. I looked up at the star-speckled sky, double-checking the time—dawn was at least two hours off. Why were they here so early? Maybe Thaddeus planned on leaving at first light, which didn’t give me much of a head start. Was it stupid to go back to my homeland? It was the obvious choice. Surely, with three of them, at least one would travel north to retrieve me.
Damn it. How did I get myself into this situation?
I shook away the thought; there was no room for hesitation. It would cost me, and it would cost Cassy and Leighton. My heart ached thinking about them, making it hard to breathe—gods, that necklace had worked too well at quelling my emotions.
Straightened and with my shoulders back, I strode into the barn like I owned the place, mirroring the confident swagger I’d been surrounded by lately.
“Mistress?” one of the stable hands asked, surprised as the warm air of his breaths billowed before him. The other jolted up, inclining his head. They couldn’t have been any older than me. Stars, they looked young. I wondered if I still held such youth. I doubted that was possible, surely mine had been cleaved from me by now.
“King Thaddeus would like me to ride immediately. Please prepare Luca for the day’s journey,” I ordered in the most authoritative tone I could muster. I held my breath, hoping it was enough.
