I understood then that I didn’t need absolution for the truth I’d unearthed. Didn’t need the pages to hold it. To burn it away. I was finally okay with where I stood, with my truth. It had taken two days of writing, but there were finally no more words for me to dispense—at least not for now.
Placing the pen and paper down, I made my way to the windows, and looking out over the gardens, I took stock of how I felt.
A smile tugged at the pride that filled me.
Ihadslayed those demons one at a time, and my shell was now fully fortified.
It was time to slay the demons that lived outside of me. The ones that held my siblings captive. That threatened my life.
I was ready.
Chapter 40
How to Explain
The shock on the three men’s faces when I entered the sunroom was almost comical. I wasn’t sure when they stopped guarding my door, but I suspected Ava had told them I was okay and that she had it covered.
No one said a thing, but each of them stood. Thaddeus pulled out my chair, nothing but concern in his eyes. He looked at me as if hoping to find all the answers to the questions that had surely plagued him over the past few days.
I offered him a small smile and took my seat. Tarrin, bless him, reached over, placed his plate and cutlery in front of me, and turned around without a word toward the kitchen. He returned seconds later with a new set for himself.
They hadn’t served themselves yet, and as Tarrin sat down, they remained frozen. I wondered if I was like a faun to them, and nobody wanted to make any sudden movements, lest I bolt.
I served myself. The roasted chicken and vegetables were more than welcomed after the nibbles of food I’d managed to sustain myself on lately.
Their gazes pressed upon me in the silence, the tension palpable.
Unable to stand it anymore, I said, “So…what did I miss?”
The words fell flat, and silence fell again—only now, it was stilted. They didn’t bother with their food.
“Nyleeria.” Thaddeus’ features were cut with concern. I’m not sure what his tone indicated, but Tarrin and Nevander took their leave.
My stomach dropped.
Thaddeus stood up and held out a hand to me. “Walk with me?” An offer but also an unsure question.
I took his hand, the touch filling another piece of me that had hollowed out the other day.
We walked through the gardens in silence, the fresh air breathing life into me. Thaddeus released my hand shortly after we’d exited the sunroom and didn’t make to touch me or speak. He stayed close, though, watching my every movement.
Coming across one of the garden’s lounge areas, we took a seat. We sat next to each other the same as we had the other day, but it didn’t feel the same—all intimacy had leached away.
Thaddeus held my gaze, and something like hurt crossed his features. It looked as if he wanted to say something but stopped himself several times before he finally said, “What happened?” There was no judgment or demand in his words, just soft, concerned questioning.
I searched for a way to explain. I hadn’t prepared myself for this part, although I probably should have.
He looked down at his hands. “Was it me?”
The words hit like a blow. Gods, how could he think it was him? I blinked my eyes shut and sighed to myself, then opened my eyes and tilted his head toward me so he could see my truth.
“No. This wasn’t about you, Thaddeus.”
His eyes still held hurt in them.
“By the stars, Thaddeus. Why would you think it was you?”
He stared at me for a moment before saying, “You flinched at my touch, then walked away. When I calledafter you, you ignored me, and then Ava said that none of us could see you. I haven’t seen you since.” Confusion laced his words and danced in his eyes.
