She shakes her head sadly. “You are the end. You were created to protect, but you were also made to destroy. As such, you hold the balance in your hands. The fates will bend to your will, as will the stars that guide the heavens.”
“Can you just say what you mean for once?” I snap, furious.
“All life dies with you.”
More blood on my hands. So much that I’m drenched in it.Sinkinglike a stone in it. I fall to my knees as a rush of pain stabs me in the center of my chest. Vengeance takes a back seat, and all I can feel is the hollow ache folding in on itself in the middle of my chest where my heart used to be—Laleh’s death, Roshan’s betrayal, my fast-fading hope.
“What’s happening to me?” I gasp, clutching my breast. “It hurts so much.”
“The most precious things in the world come at a cost.”
“Let me guess, like love?”
“Yes,” she agrees.
My tears are spilling freely now, making me even angrier. I’d ratherfeel nothing, to be numb, than to feel this grief wrecking me from the inside out and scraping my soul raw. Love makes you vulnerable. It makes you ache and burn. It makes you yearn for impossible things. And when you don’t get them, you only have yourself to blame for foolishly wishing and hoping for something unattainable in the first place. As much as I loathe Morvarid, she was right. Love makes you fuckingweak.
“You’re wrong,” I choke out. “Love is the lie.”
“Suraya.” My mother’s voice.
I flinch. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say.”
“You have to let yourself feel. If you don’t itwillbreak you.”
“You can’t break a thing that’s already broken.”
She approaches, and I inhale the scent of peonies. “No, my darling firebird, you are stronger than you think.”
“And you’re wrong. Iamletting myself feel,” I say. “I feel hate, and rage, and pain. I’ll kill Javed and his mother, if she’s still alive with whatever foul power she embodies, and I’ll banish it back to the hole it came from.”
“Don’t give in to the lie, my sweet Suraya, my love. Find the truth. Your truth.”
Strangely, her words echo the conversation Aran and I had had when we’d first met—and his warning that the lie will lead to the path of darkness. I also remember my conviction that I’d never willingly hurt a soul, and yet here I am, heartbeats away from eviscerating anyone who has wronged me. The thought makes me falter, but I grit my teeth. I don’t care. Javed and his mother deserve their fate. So do the Scavs.
It’s not their fault, either.
I banish that voice of reason and empathy, too.
“You know, Vena, I’m starting to think thatyouare the lie.” I turn to the vision with my mother’s face, feeling a blessed numbness taking over. I welcome the clarity that the darkness brings. “Now begone, crone, unless you want front-row seats to your mouthful of a prophecy.”
With a sad bow, my mother fades from view. “As you wish, Starkeeper.”
I feel a twinge of a barbed emotion buried deep within my chest—regret that I’ve disappointed her, perhaps—but I don’t dwell on it. It’s time I started making use of this magic of mine. It’s time I became what I was destined to be.
A weapon of the gods. One I’ll wield asIsee fit.
Vibrating with restless energy, I depart the stables and cut through the maze toward the palace. The space is a warren, but I take each turn with confidence. Something else is leading me now—a compulsive, soul-blistering need for revenge. If the fates bend to my will, then my enemies will be in for a sorry reckoning.
I’m so intent on getting to my destination that I don’t see the barricade of Scavs until it’s too late. I run smack into Vogon, and as his familiar, pungent odor fills my nostrils, I smile with vicious relish. I even allow the runecasters that I recognize from his war room to cast some kind of runic net around me that secures my arms to my sides. I’m not afraid. Jadu is powerful, but nothing can compare with the raw, infinite energy of akasha surging through my veins that will break these bonds like spider thread. “General, I’d hoped to find you.”
His turns to me. “Your presence is required.”
“Is it?” I drawl. “Because I’m kind of sick and tired of being summoned.” To prove my point, I flick a hand, envisioning the rune to pulverize, and the dozen or so Scavs to my right explode into blazing, blood-flaked ash. “Sorry, about that. I’m still getting the hang of which finger gets the best result.” I peer up at him. He hasn’t batted an eyelash at the loss of his men. Then again, they’re all disposable.
“You can come quietly or kicking and screaming, your choice,” he says.
“I prefer kicking and more kicking.” I wriggle against the magical shackles and purse my lips. “Tell me, Vogon, are you on Jade now? You seem so lucid.” He doesn’t respond, so I continue my cheerfulone-sided conversation. “You’re Elonian, which means you know what I can do, so why don’t you allow me to pass, and we’ll let bygones be bygones?” He stares at me, mute, and huge, and impassive. I widen my eyes. “Well, if you’re not going to be any fun, then there’s no point in me being nice, is there?”
