I blink at him. Was he always this passive-aggressive and cruel? Did I think, just because he didn’t shout andwasn’t violent like my dad, that he wassomehow better? That his words were somehow justified? Had I really sleep-walked through this whole relationship? Anger bubbles and I clench my fists.
‘Come on,’ I say to Solly who is standing by my side. ‘Let’s go.’
Josh folds his arms across his chest. ‘You’re just going to walk away?’
‘There’s nothing to say.’
‘Oh, there’s plenty.’ His face darkens. ‘You really need to take a good, hard look at yourself. Stop playing the victim. I know you’ve told Alison all about me. I could see it in the way she looked at me when you came back in from the woods. Thanks for your loyalty. You only told her one side of the story, typically.’
‘Well, you ought to know,’ I say. ‘You’ve got it all on camera!’
He glares at me, his face reddening. ‘I did all this for you and for your protection. You need protecting from yourself, don’t you see? You can’t look after yourself, Ims. You need me.’
‘I don’t need anyone,’ I reply. ‘And I don’t need you. It’s over, Josh.’
He stares at me in surprise. ‘What? Don’t be ridiculous. Of course it’s not over. You’re going to end a twelve-year relationship over this?’
I sigh. ‘It’s not just this. It’s you … and me. We’re not right together. We bring out the worst in each other. Don’t you see that?’
‘No. I’ve been nothing but great to you. You’ve used me. Now you have this inheritance you don’t need me any more. Is that it?’
‘Josh …’
He continues to glare at me, his eyes flashing. ‘That’s what all this is about. Now you can live your life in that old hag’s house with all her money. God, you’re a bitch.’
‘I’ll give you money if that’s what you want, Josh …’
‘Oh, that’s right. Now you get to be magnanimous. Saint Imogen. Always the victim. Poor little Immy. No mummy and a daddy in jail. And now a big, bad boyfriend who spies on her. That’s what you’ll tell people, no doubt. You won’t say I was doing it for your own good. This is all just an excuse so you can run off with that Harry, you slut.’
I need to get out of here. Despite my bravado I don’t want to argue with him, and he’s getting nastier and nastier. I clip on Solly’s lead. ‘I think it’s best I leave.’ I concentrate on sounding calm but underneath my heart is hammering so hard I worry he’ll hear it.
He’s standing in front of the living room door. ‘I don’t think so. Not until we get all this sorted.’
‘Josh, please let me pass.’
‘Josh, please let me pass,’ he says in an imitation of my voice. ‘No, I’m not going to let you fucking pass. Not until we’ve sorted this out.’
‘Fine. It’s sorted. I’ll see you back at the villa.’
He laughs angrily. ‘Do you think I’m stupid?’
‘I don’t know what you want me to say.’ I can feel tearspressing behind my eyes, but I refuse to cry in front of him. I need to stand up to him for once.
‘God, you’re cold,’ he says.
We stare at each other and then I hear a low growl from Solly. I reach down and touch him gently on the head. ‘It’s okay, boy. Josh is going to let us pass, aren’t you, Josh?’
Despite the situation I want to laugh when I see the fear on Josh’s face. He steps aside to let me pass. ‘Ims …’ His chin wobbles. ‘Don’t do this. You make me this way.’
I feel braver with my hand on the doorknob. ‘No, Josh. You made yourself this way. I would never cheat on you. And I only ever lied to you because of your reactions to things. The mood swings, the punishing me for days if I didn’t do exactly what you wanted …’ I swallow back my tears. ‘And I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of feeling afraid all the time.’
He looks genuinely surprised. ‘I wasn’t trying to make you afraid. I was trying to protect you.’
‘No. You don’t trust me and you’re trying to control me. We’re in this weird, toxic cycle and we need to break it. You were spying on me, Josh! Don’t you get how fucked up this all is?’ I indicate his laptop and monitor. We’d latched on to each other in our late teens because we’d each desperately needed someone, but it was a relationship that was never meant to last. He must know it too, deep down.
His face crumples. ‘I’m so sorry, please don’t end things, Ims. I need you.’
‘Oh, Josh. You don’t need me …’
