I took a few moments to gather myself before I recalled the events I could remember to Vada. “Where are we? How long have I been out?” I asked again.
“We’re in Alfhame, sweet girl. You almost died on me. You’ve been out for a couple days under a magically induced coma to give your body some time to heal from the iron damage.” Vada choked out on a sob.
My hand went to her thigh, squeezing it as tightly as I could in my weakened state. “Why don’t I feel like myself?” I asked.
Vada detailed the events that happened between the time I passed out and now. I was oddly numb. I was taking in the information, but my mind hadn’t caught up with my new reality. So, like the professional I was, I avoided thinking about it for now, focusing on what I could control.
“I need a little while to process what you’ve told me. Thank you for preventing me from touching my belly. I’m not quite sure I’m ready to see it yet. Did we find out anything from my father before he died?” I asked.
Vada’s concern was palpable, but she placated my ask, “The only thing I was able to discern was that he was somehow involved, but I was unable to get anything else out of him before all hell broke loose and you became my priority.”
“I noticed that, too. He didn’t indicate he wasn’t involved. That tells me his second would have also known, since he hopped through the portal and almost took you out.” Imemorized the high cheekbones in Vada’s face, the arches of her dark brows, the dark brown color of her eyes… I was lucky to be alive. If she was still here with me even now, then I was fortunate to have her with me.
“When you’re well enough, I think our next step is to figure out what your father was up to,” Vada replied, gently brushing her fingers down my arms. I shivered.
“I’m already antsy and ready to get out of this bed, comfortable as it is,” I said.
“I know, sweet girl. Let’s hear what the healers have to say before we start there, though. I think our first order of business is to get some food into your system.” Just as she said that, there was a knock on the door before an Elf I didn’t recognize walked through.
“Hi, Adaela. It’s good to see you awake,” she said. “I’m sure you have questions for me.”
We spent the next several minutes chatting about my surgery, what the options were going forward, and how to best manage the wound care until my body could start catching up on healing. As we continued, my stomach started growling, and I automatically put my hand to my stomach as if that would quiet it.
The healer chuckled. She told me that this was normal—especially with our ability to heal ourselves, and that we needed a lot of calories to be able to continue healing. However, given the new circumstances of my colostomy, I’d have to be on a specialized, low-fiber diet at least for a few days to be sure that my body didn’t reject the surgery. I was likely the first Fae they’d completed a colostomy on, and they didn’t know how my body’s physiology would react to it.
Reluctantly, the healer then told me that they needed to confirm everything was healing alright. A group of healers andhuman doctors came into the room, taking notes, checking vitals, and confirming what the first healer had already asked. I finally understood what the humans meant when they vented their frustrations to me about how medicalized their own healing practices were. I had listened to them, but sitting in their position now, I’d understood more, and I made note to spend more time implementing their asks. I felt awful that I hadn’t done so before now.
I was still hesitant to see the wound. I was trying to avoid it so that I could go on pretending as if this peaceful bubble with Vada could continue. I convinced myself that once she actually put eyes on the stoma, she was going to leave. Maybe that was my internal conflict coming to the fore, but I was feeling a lot for only being awake again for a short while. I’d been through battles and had injuries before this, so I wasn’t sure why I was in my head about everything right now.
Vada, probably sensing my growing tension, grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Sweet girl, eyes on me,” she pleaded.
I refused to meet her eyes. I didn’t want to see the rejection I was convinced was coming from within those dark depths. She squeezed my hand again, her posture relaxed, and I found the courage to lift my head.
Almost as if reading my mind, she said, “I willneverleave you. Do you hear me? I don’t care what surgery you’ve had, what ailments you may come across. Hell, I wouldn’t even give a shit if you weren’t nearly as stunning as you are. You aremine.” She hit her chest with every word of that last sentence. “And I take care of what’s mine,” she said softly.
My heart soared, and I choked back the tears threatening to run down my face. I was tired of crying in front of her. I nodded. I didn’t know that I had the courage for this, but I would have to find it. All it took was onestep. “Do it.”
Gently, the healer helped me adjust so that we could pull the gown above my waist. She lifted the gown just below my breasts. Underneath the gown revealed a woven plastic bag attached to my stomach. I took a deep breath, choking back the emotions. I could do this. Millions of humans lived with this, and they were doing just fine. I would be, too. It’d be an adjustment, but at least I was alive. The healer showed me how to remove the bag, exposing the stoma beneath it. It didn’t hurt necessarily, but it did make me nauseous at first. Not because of the feelings I had about the surgery. I knew that was necessary. But because I had a hard time seeing wounds on myself.
It sounded silly. I had tortured and killed many people in my lifetime. I wasn’t proud of that, but it was a fact of life for me. I’d become desensitized to it. However, seeing wounds on my own body, from broken bones to deeper sword marks that I was able to quickly heal from made me nauseous, too. I’d get used to it. I breathed through the nausea and worked to center myself before focusing back on it, a little more prepared to see what was there. The smell of antiseptic wasn’t the greatest to my sensitive nose, but this little stoma was what saved my life, and I’d forever be thankful for that.
The healer showed me how to care for the stoma, and Vada held my hand through all of it. She occasionally asked the healer questions, seemingly wanting to know everything about the procedure and care as I did. The questions were ones I hadn’t even thought to ask, and I was thankful again that she was here. Once we’d gone over everything, and my stomach gave another grumble, the healer left, and someone else brought in a tray of easily digestible food. Did it taste great? Not particularly, but it filled me enough that I started to find my baseline again.
Finally sated, I laid back down and began to drift off. Just before I fell back asleep, Vada scooted me further onto the bedto make room for herself. This time, she became the big spoon, and I didn’t have the energy to complain about it. Sometimes it was okay to let others hold you. I had to practice what I preached. I was sure there was a life lesson here somewhere, but I was too tired to be so introspective.
I was walking along a darkened path lit only by the moon and stars above me. Lower to the ground, the humidity of the stones beneath me produced low-hanging fog—thick enough that I couldn’t see my feet below me. I was dressed in white, a color I never wore. The dressing gown was almost translucent, but was loose around my body. My shoulders were bare, though the top of the gown was cinched so that it wouldn’t fall off my shoulders. The sleeves were long enough to come down just below my wrists, but not so long that I constantly had to pull the sleeves up. It really was a pretty dressing gown. I hadn’t worn one of these in several hundred years. It was no longer my style. This one seemed to be a bit more modernized than I remembered.
To the right side of me was a forest; the left side was a still lake. The lake wasn’t fenced off, however there were short cast iron pillars with a chain between them. My guess was that it was there to prevent anyone from falling into the lake, but it was a tripping hazard. The sky had very few clouds tonight, and the stars were shining bright, as if they were trying to outshine the waning crescent moon. It was probably close to the middle of the night, but still a little early in the evening. Further off in the distance were tall mountain peaks. They reached toward the sky like they were reaching out to find God.
I was weightless, as if all my current burdens had been releasedfrom my shoulders. This must’ve been a dream because it was my ideal time of day, and I was in a location where I found the most peace. The area wasn’t familiar to me, but I was sure it existed somewhere. There were no other beings on the path, though I didn’t feel lonely. I finally had some time with my own thoughts, and I relaxed at the solitude. I let my mind wander a bit about my hopes and dreams for thePax, about where I was in this life and if it was the direction I saw myself going. My magic was at rest, instead of going through its volatile motions. It was free from burden. I let my shadows out to play. They formed themselves into various shapes and frolicked down the lane. I smiled to myself.
I paused at a fork in the path. One way led toward the mountains, the other around to the other side of the lake. I stopped for a moment, breaths light, letting my subconscious decide which direction to take me. Taking the path my heart was begging me to go, I veered off to the right. I could do with a little forest bathing and gazing at the tall peaks ahead of me. As far as the eye could see, I hadn’t come across any animals, creatures of the night, people, or much of anything but the trees in this forest. Everything was quiet and still. Normally, that would have me on alert, but my shadows seemed to be at rest, and so I assured myself that I, too, could be at rest.
As if my magic were begging me, I veered off the path and worked my way through the trees, grazing my hand along the bark of the ones I passed. The fog from the humidity of the lake began to dissipate the further into the forest I went. As the trees thinned out a bit again, I saw someone whose silhouette seemed familiar, and my heart soared. I picked up my pace to meet her.
“Vada, baby, how are you here?” I asked her, wrapping her up in my arms.
She hugged me back, pulling me in as close as we could get our bodies. “I needed to see you and make sure you’re alright.”
