“Girl, that was pathetic,” Athena said, helping me up once Valen had released my mind.
I shrugged. “As I said earlier, I’m not currently at my best. I can’t afford to keep doing this. I need to learn how to get back in the right headspace and always be ready for anything.”
“I think you need some retraining on the art of shielding your mind,” Valen admonished, handing my water bottle over to me. I took it with a nod in acknowledgement.
He was right. I’d not been concerned about someone getting past my defenses for so long that I stopped building up myshields, even knowing what he could do. “I think I could benefit from some meditation. Even hung over, I should’ve been able to block your advances. I’ve done it successfully before,” I said, working to mentally rebuild my walls. I envisioned a rich, steel fortress of spikes surrounded byLus Mór, then asked Valen to try again.
His cool magic tapped at my shields, like deft fingers plucking strings on a guitar, trying to find a way in. He shrugged, then lifted his arms to pull his locs back in a scrunchie, his ochre biceps flexing with the action. “I could get in if I wanted to, but it would take some work to get there. You’re on the right track, Little One.” He went to pat the top of my head, because he knew it annoyed me to no end, but I quickly moved out of his way, and he smirked. I punched him lightly in the arm.
“Speaking of shields,” I said, “how are the defenses around thePaxcurrently? Has anyone heard?”
Loki jerked his head toward thePaxmembers who didn’t have high enough clearance to know the security functions with exasperation, then at me from where he was doing deadlifts on the other side of the gym. “This isn’t the place to be asking about this.”
Fuck me. I really was off my game.
“You know what, you’re right. I obviously need sl—” Vada walked through the door, and I forgot what I was saying. My gods, what was it about her? She had an air of authority I’d never noticed about anyone else. Her walk, the way she held her shoulders, and the couldn’t-give-a-fuck attitude on her face struck me speechless.
I turned my head and locked onto Daphne as if I hadn’t seen her, then changed the subject since I couldn’t remember what I was talking about anyway. “Any excuse to party, right?” I awkwardly said as I tried to distract everyone from mywandering gaze, then produced the worst fake laugh in existence. “Well, I think I’m going to go home and take a nap. I’ll catch y’all soon?”
As everyone gave me confused stares, I headed back toward the locker room to grab my stuff before anyone could question my odd behavior. I didn’t want them to notice anything specific. I remained focused on the panic that Vada would see me in here and want to talk. I wasn’t sure how that awkward conversation would go, and I didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with it today.
What was going on with me? It was like I had a schoolgirl crush or something.
What should have been a productive day turned into the most useless trip. It was just one of those days. You’d think I would have learned by now that I was absolutely hopeless after a day of partying with my friends. I was too old for this shit. I laughed at my constant thoughts about how old I was, considering I was one of the youngest on thePax’s board.
I changed into black leggings, tossed my bra into the laundry basket, then changed into an old band tee that had seen better days. I should have probably taken my second shower of the day, but I was too damn tired. I’d do it later, but I had to stop pushing things off because it was more convenient.
Crawling into bed, I collected my shadows to curtain the room in darkness. My shadows used to whisper the secrets of my enemies to me as they listened from afar. Nowadays, they protected me from the light coming through my window.
I sighed, then had one of them morph into a small dog to snuggle with as I fell asleep. Sometimes the touch starvation was real, and after spending the night with a gorgeous woman who was haunting my every waking thought, it seemed prudent to have something to hold onto. I wanted more than what I had been given, but at this stage in my life, I genuinely thought that I was meant to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’tneedanyone, but I would have loved to share my life with someone. Instead, my love went to the romance books I read, to the philosophy I studied, to the friends I’d made over time, and the community who helped save my life. It went to the people I helped to protect, and the city that granted me my freedom from the abusive relationship with the Fae.
While some deep, dark part of me needed to be let out, I’d spent the last sixty-five years pretending as if I didn’t have a dark need for vengeance running through my body. My shadows had been aching for action for too long now, and I didn’t quite know what to do about it. They were readying for something big, and I almost always listened to my intuition. This time, I had no idea what to expect. Was it a new power level, or was something coming on the horizon?
I really needed to turn my brain off. I checked my phone to turn on an alarm, so I didn’t spend the rest of the day in bed, only to see a text pop up.
Unknown:
Hey, is this Adaela? You left your number at my place this morning. IDK if you remember me from last night, but this is Vada.
A big, goofy grin bloomed over my face and butterflies erupted low in my belly, but I was so tired that I didn’t think I could respond right then, even though I wanted to. I knew nothing about her. I couldn’t remember hearing her voice, norcould I remember even leaving the bar with her. What happened last night that was making me giddy about someone I couldn’t even remember having a conversation with?
I fell asleep to the memory of Vada sleeping peacefully as I’d left her apartment this morning.
March 17th
While I’d been in Hell, I became a pro at learning how to use my succubus powers. Like many in thePax, I was fucking tired of being pushed around to offer gains to men who used my powers and my curse to their own advantage. I’d spent my downtime in the libraries, or talking with philosophers who had damned God. I’d learned what it meant to be a leader by actively working against policies they structured after themselves. I wasn’t interested in their games, just as I wasn’t interested in Adam’s in another lifetime.
I glanced out of the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the small courtyard from my apartment, noticing that night had fallen. I must have been sitting here for hours caught up in my own thoughts. I didn’t have any interest in reliving my past. I came to St. Louis because I believed in what thePaxwere doing here, and something in my being told me that I belonged here. Not only because a prophecy told to me more than a century ago said I’d be making my way here, but it was something more than that.
I hadn’t belonged anywhere in my life. That was the loneliness I couldn’t let go of. Maybe it was because I was originally aHuman and the first to live on Earth, but there was something about this timeline, and this city, that just kept calling to me.
Pan and I had been good friends when he still resided in Hell. I was happy that he’d found his place in thePaxas head of the Demon Faction. We had kept in contact through secured channels to avoid catching the eye of Lucifer and his minions once Pan was cast out of the Demon Realm. Pan had helped me learn who the leadership was in thePax.Adaela was fierce, loyal, protective, and above all, she was strong in her convictions to build a system for all supernaturals to exist in harmony. She was tired, much like all of us. She no longer had anything to prove. Thanks to chatting with the Crone over a century ago, I understood that she still had Fate nipping at her heels, and I was a reluctant part of that. They weren’t done with us just yet.
The Shifter leadership in their realm changed often because of alpha fights and the pecking order, and that the Gods hadn’t really settled on who would take a leadership role in thePax, so it often changed between meetings. The Vampires gave Bram their seat, and rightfully so, since he was the creator of all Vampires. The Cryptids had changed recently, but I wasn’t sure who took the role. The Hybrids really worked toward finding common ground, and often took on differing roles depending on what was needed. The Goddesses had Ma’at and Athena, and the Witches had Hecate and Maren. Humans changed often due to their lifespans and through entrenchment into differing political systems, and the Seelie had Titania and Bride. The Angels had Metatron, and the Kings had Arthur and Akbar, and Queens had Amina.
Trying to understand this realm better, I walked out of my new living space and into the nightlife. I put on what the humans liked to call the “little black dress,” and a pair of black heels. The heels were a personal favorite of mine. They resembled dragon claws holding up my feet. I checked myself over inthe mirror and conjured teal ombre eyeshadow and a deep red lip. It fit my mood for the evening—a little sultry, but also potentially on the prowl. I left my hair down in loose curls down my back.
My life as of late had been hell, no pun intended. I was constantly starving—for attention or affection, or maybe it was from unfulfilled desire—I couldn’t tell at this point. Part of it was that I just wanted someone to seemeinstead of what I could offer them, or because of who I was in my previous life. However, the essence that kept me running had dulled my senses to everything else around me. The only thing that had kept me going was knowing that I would soon have a second chance back on Earth.
