Freya feared the possibility that, once they returned to Vakker Castle, everything she’d done tonight would become a far-off dream. How easy it was to engage in this romance when they were separated from everything they knew. When they came back home and settled into their old roles… Keeping up this sort of relationship might not be possible.
Astridmight not want this in the long-term.
As a lover, Freya was a distraction. She felt a hypocrite for hoping Astrid would keep her around exactly like they were tonight. If Freya wanted Astrid to be a good queen, shouldn’t she support her however she could?
The problem was not the matter of support. No matter how Astrid chose to keep Freya in her life, Freya would stay.
But after she’d had a taste of this, it would break her to lose it.
Freya’s stomach roiled as she watched the peaceful look on Astrid’s face. This was the most untroubled she’d ever seen her. Freya yearned to shut down her worries, to close her eyes and fall asleep at Astrid’s side and have a long, dreamless night.
If she fell asleep, she would lose precious seconds of their time together. She couldn’t bear to waste it, not knowing what the future might hold.Loss, Brenn had said. Maybe she had meant the loss of this. The best scenario for both of them was if Brenn’s prediction meant the loss of their relationship and not the loss of Astrid’s life.
Astrid shifted in her sleep. Not wanting to disturb her, Freya held as still as she could. Dawn would break in a few hours, and then they would have to go back. Astrid deserved a good night of sleep.
“Freya?” Astrid mumbled.
“I’m here,” said Freya.
Astrid blinked at her blearily. “Is it time to get up?”
“No,” said Freya. “Go back to sleep.”
“Have you slept?”
“No,” said Freya again.
More mumbling noises came from Freya’s armpit as Astrid shifted, peeling her skin from the blankets. Neither of them had bothered to dress after they’d made love. Freya was luxuriating in the skin-to-skin contact. When Astrid leaned back far enoughto see Freya, the places where their skin had been touching raised goosebumps.
“Is everything all right?” Astrid asked. Her hair was looped haphazardly through her horns. Freya reached out to rearrange her hair, biting down a smile at how casually they could touch now. The awkward encounter when Freya had handed Astrid her own fingers seemed long ago, like it happened to someone else.
“Can’t sleep. This bed is very different from mine,” Freya said, opting for a half-truth.
Astrid rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “You’ve slept on my floor,” she pointed out.
Freya shrugged. “You can go back to sleep. Here.” She held out her arm for Astrid to return to. Astrid did return, settling her horns into the open spaces so they didn’t press into Freya too harshly. Freya’s chin burned from the trails left behind from Astrid’s tusks during all of the kissing. She didn’t mind, but she appreciated the thoughtfulness.
“I want to stay up with you,” said Astrid. “What are you thinking about?”
Freya chewed her lip. “The future, I suppose.”
“Oh.” Astrid ran a finger over Freya’s clavicle, making her shudder. “What about it?”
Freya had half a mind to speak the truth. It would press at her until she knew the answer. “What it holds for us,” she said.
Astrid cleared her throat. “Actually,” she said, “I had something similar on my mind.”
“Really?” asked Freya.
“I was thinking… You and I talk strategy and politics and money, but we don’t talk about us. Who we were before this. I don’t know much about your past.” Astrid moved her head to look up at Freya with her warm eyes. “I would like to, though.”
Freya’s lips pressed into a thin line. This seemed to be about the past, not the future, but she decided not to voice this thought. “What would you like to know?” she asked.
“What were you like before all this?” Astrid asked.
Freya’s breath caught. Before? She couldn’t discuss the person she was before coming to Torden. Part of her was always afraid she had too much of the old Freya inside of her—the one who had done what she had to in order to survive, and maybe worse. She had wrung out her old self, salvaged the parts that made her useful to her queen, and tamped down the rest.
“Ask me something else, please,” she said, strained.
