“Elliot,” he said, resigned. “We are not doing this. Not today, of all days. You have an opportunity, one you are frankly lucky to have, and you’re dredging up ancient history?”
“It’s not ancient to me,” Elliot said. His pulse was still racing from the run, but this was a colder kind of adrenaline. “You let me believe it was because of me. Because of…what I am.” The word wouldn’t come out. It never had, except with Jackson. He swallowed. “I just want the truth.”
“Youhavethe truth,” his father said, the words clipped, each one a door slamming shut. “Christ, Elliot. Isn’t that enough? If you keep poking at this,” his father added, voice dropping to a level that made Elliot’s neck prickle, “you’ll undermine everything you’ve earned. Don’t give the world reason to doubt you. Focus on the opportunity.”
The call ended, and Elliot stood there on the drenched track, rain sliding down his spine, his heartbeat thudding against his ribs. He slung the bag over his shoulder and headed for the gate at a jog. No cool-down. Straight to the station. Elliot leapt off the tube and took the stairs two at a time. He ran down his street at nearly the same pace he’d run on the track, and pushed the door open.
He wanted to go straight to Jackson, but he didn’t know if he’d be welcome. Jackson hadn't even told him. He knew why—half the gulf growing between Jackson and his family was Elliot’s fault. He knew it was important to Jackson to be able to tell them about their relationship, but Elliot was still so afraid. Afraid of their reaction. Afraid of what it would mean. Afraid of his own feelings. He didn’t want to complicate things for Jackson, not when the situation was already hard enough.
His phone was ringing again. Still not Jackson. Anders.
“I need you to be at the airport at two, Owens.”
He breathed out. “Right.”
“I'll swap you in for Jennings.”
“But he could still make it, couldn’t he?” Elliot asked tentatively.
Anders huffed. “Of course. If he can get there before I need to finalise the roster. But, Elliot, you should take this chance. Jennings asked the committee to swap you in as alternate. Specifically requested it.”
“Of course he did.” Elliot released a breath. Jackson doing this for him, even when he must have been spiralling and desperate to get home was enough to give him pause. But he also knew deep in his bones that he couldn't do it, couldn't just step into Jackson's place like it didn't matter. He wanted to be on that start line so bad it hurt, but he knew Jackson did too. The idea of taking his place instead of being there with him and supporting him made Elliot feel sick.
Anders let out a heavy sigh. “Look, Owens. I’m not blind. You’ve got two options: you either get yourself to the airport, and I'll swap you in now and strike Jennings off. If the Athletics Association asks, that’s what I’ve advised you to do.”
“Or?” Elliot asked.
“Or you do the other thing.”
Elliot knew in his bones what he wanted to do. The Olympics meant fuck all to him in comparison to Jackson Jennings. Jackson was everything. Elliot fucking loved him.
Yeah, loved.
Sometime between the tent in St. Moritz and that stupid fitness test, Elliot had fallen hopelessly in love with Jackson Jennings.
But if he did just show up? What would he tell Jackson’s family? That they were teammates? Elliot didn’t know if he could stomach making Jackson lie about their relationship to theirfaces, but he also didn’t know if he could stand not being there for him.
“Owens, I can buy you a few days, then I need to confirm a runner,” Anders said before ending the call.
Elliot stood, pacing his room for a moment before making a decision and throwing a bundle of clothes into a backpack. There were so many ways this could go wrong. He contemplated them all as he walked, but before he knew it, he was at the train station.
Deciding to be a fucking grown-up about things, he texted Jackson while he walked to the ticket machine.
Elliot
Anders told me about your dad. Are you ok?
Jackson
Not really. I just arrived, will know more soon
Elliot
Why didn’t you tell me?
Jackson
Figured you'd find out when they handed you my spot
