“Anders is in a committee meeting for the rest of the day,” Jackson whispered into the shell of his ear.
“Well why didn’t you lead with that?”
“You were being mean.” Jackson shrugged.
Elliot deflated. He nestled his head on Jackson’s shoulder. “Sorry. I do that a lot.”
“S’ok”
“It’s not, though, is it?” Elliot replied. “I keep messing things up. I’m worried. He already thinks we’re messing around. If he finds out we’re doing it here… If he thinks I’m interfering with your training…”
“Is that what we’re doing here, Ell? Messing around? Still? Like…like Rennies?”
“Like what now? Do you have indigestion?”
Jackson flushed. “Rivals with benefits? Is that what we are, then?” His voice got higher. “Just a couple of guys who mess around. ’Cause when you said try, I thought…”
"Jackson, I…I don’t know." Elliot let himself fall silent. He didn’t know what the right answer was. He wanted to be brave and give Jackson everything, but it was terrifying to deconstruct the armour he’d built around himself.
“Right,” Jackson sighed. He released Elliot from his arms. “I need to hit the shower. Come find me if you figure it out.”
Elliot’s eyes met his, and he expected to see anger but all he saw in those clear green orbs was hope. Then, Jackson turned and walked off towards the changing rooms, leaving Elliot alone to wrestle with his own fate.
Sitting on those hard metal stands, letting the rain soak his skin, Elliot was at war with himself. He wanted to fix this. He wanted to be with Jackson for real, more than he’d wanted almost anything. Fuck, almost more than he wanted the Olympics at this point. He knew he couldn’t offer him what he deserved. He was still trying to reconcile the facts of his past with the fear that clawed at his throat when he thought of the world knowing about him.
Realistically, his father hadn’t been wrong to tell him to keep his personal life on lockdown. Despite the current makeup of the Olympic team, the athletics world had never been particularly queer friendly. He’d heard enough slurs tossed Jennings’s way on start lines to realise that. Without the Olympics, hecouldn’t risk his sponsorships, meagre as they were. And despite Jackson’s endless optimism, it was a very real possibility. He’d seen it happen before to queer athletes. The sudden drop in publicity, contracts quietly handed off to someone else.
Jackson deserved someone who’d be proud to be seen with him. Who’d kiss him at the finish line and cheer him on. All Elliot could offer was a secret relationship with a prickly arsehole who would probably still try to trip him in the final hundred metres.
He was a selfish bastard, though, and he’d wanted Jackson Jennings for far too long to let him go now. With more courage than he had known he possessed, he crossed the distance to the changing rooms. He stripped out of his clothes and walked towards the shower stall Jackson was using.
After only a moment’s hesitation, he threw open the door. Jackson had his head tilted up to the stream, water cascading down his body as he stood there. Fuck, he was perfection.
“What are you—?”
Elliot pushed Jackson back gently so he could squeeze into the tiny cubicle. “I don’t want to mess around with you.”
“You sure? ’Cause climbing into my shower kind of suggests—”
Elliot covered Jackson’s mouth with a soft kiss.
“I want to be your boyfriend, Jackson Jennings,” he said. “And if you don’t want that, then that’s ok. I’ll, I’ll….” Elliot trailed off. He wasn’t sure what he would do if Jackson didn’t want to be together. His heart would shatter.
Jackson was kissing him again.
Elliot pulled back. “Is that a yes?”
“Yes. Fuck, yes, Ell. I want to be your boyfriend.”
Jackson grinned at him, then dove back in for another kiss.
“I’m not ready yet, though, to be out. I can’t—”
“I can wait, Princess,” Jackson replied as he nipped at his throat. “I can wait as long as you need, as long as I have you.”The warm water cascaded around them as they held each other. Elliot had the strange sensation that he was suspended in time. He chased Jackson’s lips every time they separated from his and tried to press himself as close to his body as he could, as if no part of him could bear the idea of not being connected.
Their cocks were rubbing against each other, trapped between them, and Elliot let out a loud moan as Jackson separated them enough to get a hand around them both. The languid pace of their kisses became more frantic as they frotted against each other. The slide of Jackson against him, the feel of his hand as he pleasured him, brought him right to the edge. Elliot bit down harder than he intended on Jackson’s lower lip as his orgasm exploded out of him, and Jackson followed seconds later, his release coating Elliot’s abs for a moment before the water washed the evidence away.
They were quiet for a moment, nothing but the sound of the shower running filling the cavernous space, until Jackson let out a hysterical giggle. Elliot arched an eyebrow at him, but it seemed it was catching because he could feel a smile tugging at his lips, and suddenly he was laughing too. They helped each other wash off, giggling all the while, until Jackson switched off the water and reached for his towel. Elliot hadn’t thought far enough ahead to bring a towel when he’d come to issue his proposal to Jackson in the shower. He’d been far too keyed up about baring his heart to think through those kinds of practicalities.
