“Anytime, love. Now, will I see you on Wednesday at the meeting?”
“Sure. See you then.” I hang up, still feeling a little nervous but telling myself to follow her advice.
She’s right. No one knows how long they have.
Well, if I’m going to be the best monster I can be today, then that starts with doing something about this fuckwit shifter and making sure he can’t hurt anyone else.
I shower, unpack my bag, and dress to go out. Then I set a reminder on my phone to help me remember to get Miles some toilet paper, because I’m going to be a better roommate too while I’m on the whole self-improvement train.
TWENTY FIVE
Jen
I study Meredith’s face across the table, trying to read her expression, but it’s impossible, even after two glasses of wine. “Are you happy, Jen?” she asks eventually.
“Yeah?” I clear my throat, wondering why that came out sounding like a question and trying again. “Yeah. He’s really changed.”
Meredith takes another sip of wine and her silence echoes off the walls of the flat.
I slap my glass down on the table a little too hard and wince at the clack it makes on the wood. “Just say it, Mere.”
“Say what, Jen? I’m glad you’re happy. That’s the only thing that matters here.”
I glare at her. “But it’s not, is it? Because you’re not happy about my choice, are you? And you won’t let me forget it even if you won’t say anything.”
“What do you want from me, Jen? It’s not my place to interfere.”
“I don’t know, Mere. Maybe I want you to interfere, to argue with me. Maybe I want to talk to you about how I’m feeling so I don’t have to hold it in the whole time we’re together.”
She just stares at me. Fair enough, because I think this is the first time since we were little that I’ve let myself have this kind of outburst in front of my older sister. My perfectly calm collected, together, older sister.
“Have you ever thought that maybe Ma kinda messed us up with the whole ‘don’t talk about it’ stuff? Do you ever just feel a bit broken?”
Meredith sighs and reaches for her wine again. “I’ve thought about that, yeah. Don’t blame Ma, though. She was just raising us the way she was raised. You know what Bubbe was like.”
“Yeah I know.”
“Stop kvetching already!” A look passes between us, and she smiles softly. “You know, I think you’ve changed too, Jen.”
Already the hot anger that would have burned in my chest from being held inside has started to cool, and I return her smile. “Maybe I have. We’re in therapy now.” I snort. “OK, that sounds worse than it is. Our therapist is actually really nice even if she calls me out on my bullshit.”
Meredith laughs. “Oy, that sounds horrible!”
I hate that by the time we’ve finished dinner and the whole bottle of wine, Adam still hasn’t called or messaged. I send him a goodnight text anyway, and then as an afterthought: I hate that I haven’t heard from you all day. I hate that I miss you already. Look at me. I’m even talking about my feelings now. Meredith says I’ve changed.
I wait, expecting the message to switch to read any moment and a reply to pop up, but there’s nothing.
OK.
I know he’s not asleep, so why isn’t he answering? Rather than say something to Meredith right away and have her watch all the trust I’ve built in my decision to take him back crumble, I put my phone on the charger and switch out the light, resolving to get some sleep. I’m sure by the time I check again in the morning he will have replied and explained why he hasn’t been in contact today. I’m sure there’s some perfectly reasonable explanation and he’s not still hung up about last night.
My thoughts turn dark at the memory of our unfortunate night out, and as much as I try to put the incident out of my head, I have trouble getting to sleep. Maybe it’s also because I miss Adam’s presence in the flat—in my bed. It’s funny how quickly I got used to having him back in my life. Like the hole that opened when he left never quite closed up.
I do manage to get to sleep in the end, but when I wake it’s two in the morning. I make the mistake of checking my phone. Still no reply from Adam.
I sit, knowing I’ll never get back to sleep. I’d get out of bed and go knock on his door except I don’t know his address.
Shit.
