“Let’s get you in the shower.” Adam takes my purse and sets it down on the console table and bends to untie the strap of my heels. I let him undress me and follow him into the bathroom like I’m on tracks. He turns the water up to scalding, and it still takes me ages to warm up. Steam billows around us and blanketsus in a fog. Adam lathers his hands and rubs slow massaging strokes down my arms and back.
Then, all of a sudden something snaps. I go from freezing to boiling in a heartbeat. “What the fuck was that guy’s problem anyway?”
Adam laughs. “Here she is.”
“No seriously. What the actual hell? I wish we said something to the bouncer.”
“I could go back there.”
“Don’t you dare! What if he has a pack?”
“Are you actually worried about me?”
“No!” I push him, but my hands just slide off his soapy skin.
He grins. “You are. You’re worried about me. That’s so cute. I didn’t know you had it in you to be cute.”
“Shut the fuck up and take me to bed.”
He picks me up and switches off the water. “OK, but only because you asked so nicely.”
When we’re dry, I drag him under the covers and tuck my leg over him, snuggling against his side. I’m feeling much better, but there’s still a weight like a boulder sitting heavily in my stomach. Rather than bottle it up, I whisper, “Are you disappointed?”
“Huh? Why would I be disappointed?”
“Because we didn’t end up going home with a monster.”
“Of course not. I got to go home with you. I’d never call that a disappointment.”
Before our date, I reattached his penis. Now I slide my hand down his belly, taking my time to appreciate every dip and firm line. “Let me just make sure.” My fingers skate over his hip, but his hand captures mine. “Not tonight, Jen. Not after that. It doesn’t feel right.”
“Oh.” I pull my hand back. “Right.” I’m not sure how to feel about him turning me down again. What I want is to reconnect, and sure, we don’t have to do that to reconnect, but it’s beenso good recently. I want to do something that feels good—easy. “You sure?”
“Jen, tell me how you’re feeling.”
I open my mouth to tell him I’m fine. To squash down the uneasy feeling and not make things uncomfortable, but then I stop myself. “I… am worried because you’re turning down sex a lot, and that was always something you wanted more of. I’m worried that you’ll turn around later and say I’m not satisfying you.”
“Do you want to have sex now? Not because you think I want to or because you think you should, but do you actually want it?”
“I don’t know.” I’m confused. I thought I did, but what if he’s right?
“Then I can wait until you do. The last thing I want is to end tonight with you feeling like I pressured you into it or you did it because you felt bad. I feel awful enough about what happened.”
I snuggle closer, pressing my cheek to his bare skin. “Not your fault.”
“I still hate that I didn’t get there sooner.”
“I hate the idea that you would have fought him and then something might have happened to you.”
“It would have been worth it.”
For some weird reason, I get all choked up about that. The simplest of statements. When the tension in my airway has eased enough for me to talk again, I clear my throat. “It’s not worth it if something happens to you that I can’t fix. You know we don’t even know how the zombie curse works. What if it runs out, or something falls off and I can’t put you back together?”
He’s quiet for a while. Eventually he sighs. “You’re right. I don’t have the answers. I guess I was just happy that for once something worked out well for me. You would never have given me a second chance if I hadn’t been turned into a zombie.”
“That’s not true!” OK, it is, but it feels horrible to admit to that now.
Adam just laughs. “Yeah, sure. I know why. I get it. But you’re right to worry. I guess I’ve been irresponsible about that too.”
