Again a pause. “Is this something you’ve always been into?”
“Yes,” I say at the same time Jen says, “No!”
We look at each other, and her mouth drops open. “Really?”
“Yeah. I think so. I didn’t really put all the pieces together until I saw you the other night…” I clear my throat. “With Luca.”
Jen colors and shifts in her seat, swapping the leg she has crossed. “You liked that?”
Reminded of just how much I liked watching her, I’m suddenly glad my dick is still waiting on the nightstand by Jen’s bed. My voice is about three octaves deeper when I respond. “Yeah.”
She blinks. “OK, wow. Just… wow.”
Judy makes a humming sound and presses her fingertips together. “Well, it seems like there’s still plenty to explore, you two, which sounds like there is some real potential to make some positive growth. Let’s shift to talking about your goals while we work together, shall we? You mentioned the other day that you used to be in a relationship, but that it ended. Now you’re looking to start over?”
We look at each other, and for a moment my skin goes clammy as I try to read Jen’s expression. Then she reaches over and slips her hand in mine unexpectedly. “Yeah. I think so. I have some hesitations, but I think it’s mostly because of how things went last time,” she says.
“OK.” Judy nods. “Maybe you could elaborate, Jen.”
“Well, we’d fight a lot, for one thing.”
“What sorts of things would you fight about?”
“Everything,” Jen says.
“Chores,” I add. “Stuff I wasn’t doing.”
Jen’s brows lift.
“Is that right, Jen? I got the sense when we met the other day that you were feeling frustrated with Adam but unable to express those frustrations?”
“Oh, I tried,” she says.
We both laugh a little, and it feels good to release some tension. “Yeah, but I didn’t get it, did I?”
She shakes her head. “No, I guess not.”
“So it sounds to me like you have both already done some talking through this?”
“A little,” I reply.
“Jen, would you say that things have been better?”
She nods. “Yeah.”
“But you’re still hesitating. Tell me why?”
Jen chews her lip. “I think I’m worried that the changes I’ve noticed in Adam won’t be permanent. I feel like I know him pretty well, and this stuff—his new stuff—well it’s very different from the guy I knew.”
“Adam, I don’t want to be rude, but can I ask how recently you became a zombie?”
I blink. I have makeup on, and what with the session being online, I wasn’t sure if she knew. I guess she does. “About a week or so.”
Judy nods. “That’s a big change. I would expect that might shift your outlook on things quite a lot?”
“Yeah.” I run a hand over my face, thinking about everything that’s happened since the accident. “I guess I don’t feel like me anymore. In some ways. At the same time, it put into perspective what’s really important.” I give Jen’s hand a squeeze. “She’s the biggest part of my realization. What she means to me. I had been pretending I didn’t miss her like hell for so long I’d almost convinced myself, but when she came through for me like no one else did, it occurred to me how special she is.”
“So perhaps these changes you’ve noticed, Jen, might be more permanent than you think. Let’s talk about how you are both communicating.”
