“You know, I try very hard to keep professional, to not let my personal feelings get in the way of my care. But sometimes I’m more affected than usual by someone’s passing, and this was one of those times.”
“Who was it?” Flo asks. “If you can tell me.”
“A little boy. He was seven. A brain tumor. I sat with him and his parents, and when his breathing changed and his mother knew it would be very soon, she took his face in herhands and she looked into his eyes and smiled at him. She thanked him for being their son and for giving their family so many beautiful things to remember. She said, ‘Thank you for being such a special you, we love you always, now and forever.’ Then she asked him did he want to go, and he nodded, and she did not cry, she just kept on smiling, and she said, ‘Okay, sweetheart, you can go, you go in joy, and we will all be okay. You will live in our hearts forever and we will be with you again.’ And then the dad came up and embraced him, and the boy closed his eyes and he was gone. The mother turned to me and she said, ‘Did you feel that? This was a holy moment.’ I told her, ‘Yes, it was.’ She said, ‘I swear I felt his soul rise. And I knew in that moment he had decided for himself, and in that way he had grown up after all.’ ”
Flo didn’t say anything for a long time, and then she said, “Honestly, Teresa. I don’t know how you do what you do.”
Teresa nodded. “I know a lot of people feel that way. And it’s hard to explain. But the rewards are so great. Itwasa holy moment, Flo.
“I just think…there are now and there always were and there always will be such difficult times in life. So difficult. For me, the way to come to terms is not to look away. And if I can help someone, besides…” She turns to Flo and her face is earnest.
“Thank you for letting me come over and talk to you. I thought it would help just to be with you, and it did help.”
She smiles one of those false bright smiles people do when they’re hurting, and then she says she’ll be right back.
When she returns, her face is all splotchy. “I’m sorry,”she says. “I just needed to cry—again. So I went into your powder room and cried a little.”
“Well, that’s just fine,” Flo says. “I think it’s a sign of a good friendship if a person feels she can go into your powder room and cry, then come out andtellyou that. It sets the stage for her knowing that if she should feel teary-eyed again, why, go ahead and bust out crying right in front of your friend. It will only make you closer.
“Why is it, I wonder, that so often it’s our weaknesses make us closer? A friend can brag on something good that happened and you can feel happy for them even though you might have to watch yourself for a smidge of jealousy. But when they show a weakness, why there we are right there for them. And that’s how I am for you: I’m right here.”
“I know you are.” Teresa sits back in her chair and takes a good look at Flo. “Are you eating all right?”
“I am.”
It’s true that she sometimes only has cookies for dinner, but for heaven’s sake, what difference does it make now?
Teresa’s expression grows serious, almost stern. “And are you thinking positive thoughts?”
“I have always tried to do that.”
“What I mean is, are you still thinking specifically that you want to live?”
“Oh, I see,” Flo says.
“What?”
“You don’t wantmeto die, too. But Teresa, it’s different. I’m ninety-two. It’stimefor me to die.”
“Not necessarily. People live past a hundred all the time these days.”
“I guess some do. But I’m not thinking about whether or nottolive. I’m thinking about living.”
Teresa sighs. “I shouldn’t be putting any pressure on you to be any way at all. It’s just that we’ve only begun being friends, and I want you to…”
Flo lets a few seconds go by and then she puts her hand over Teresa’s.
“Why don’t we talk about my favorite subject?” she says. “Now. Are you and Jim in love?”
Teresa laughs. “Well, yesterday he asked if I would like to come to his house for dinner. He said he makes darned good chili, did I like chili? I said I did. And so he invited me for tonight and said to wear my best chili clothes. But I don’t know, Flo…”
Flo says, “Whatdon’t you know?” And she is a little cranky because one thing gets her going is when people turn away the possibility of love, especially when they’re lonely, and Teresaislonely, you can see it plain as day. It’s just so odd how sometimes the loneliest people are the ones most scared of fixing that loneliness. But then Teresa asks in a tiny voice, “What are chili clothes?”
“That’swhat you’re worried about? Mercy, just wear your dungarees and wrap a kerchief cowgirl-style around your neck. Maybe some red lipstick and blue eyeshadow. And if you like the chili, say, ‘Why, this is slap your pappy chili!’ ”
“That might be fun,” Teresa says, and Flo can see her eyes commence to twinkle. But then she says, “He is starting to go bald quite a bit in the back.”
“Have a goodtimewith him!” Flo says. “And tell me everything that happens, unless it’s too personal. Although if itispersonal, I might pay attention better. I like hearing details so personal they make you stop chewing.”
